"Of course, if I am wrong, ignore me. We will inhabit whichever rooms you wish. I just thought—"
"You’re not wrong," he murmured, taking her hands in his and raising his eyes from the floor. "You know, I had never thought to simply relocate within the castle. I had thought I would simply have to deal with my aversion to those rooms, and pretend it did not bother me. You truly don’t mind giving up what should be yours?"
She brought one hand to her lips and kissed it, feeling surprisingly bold by his agreement with her.
"I have gained so much, and if it makes you happy, I would give up far, far more than a bedchamber I have never even inhabited."
"Youmake me happy, my love," he said, and then pulled her to him for a kiss that was certainly not appropriate with their friends and family on the other side of the wall – and which made Constance feel even more warm and out of breath than she had done previously.
"Come, we should return to the celebrations," he said, stepping away from her but keeping hold of her hand. "We can choose new rooms later. Wherever you want in the castle – just say the word. I do love you," he said, pressing one kiss to her cheek before leading her towards the door.
"And I love you," Constance said, surprised at how easy the words were to say, and confident in her heart that they were the truest ones she had ever spoken.
Epilogue
One Year Later
When she had first told him she was with child, he had been scared – but she had been so excited, and he had managed to bury his feelings for the entirety of the pregnancy, accepting as best he could his mother’s words that plenty of women had children and did not all suffer Laura’s terrible fate.
But when she went into labour, the fear took hold like never before.
How could he go through this again?
As she screamed and shouted in their bedchamber above, attended by a doctor – at Ezra’s insistence – as well as a local midwife, Ezra paced in his study, unable to sit still, unable to imagine anything but the worst possible outcome.
He shouldn’t have married her. He should have stayed away from her and let her live her life safely, away from him. For if anything happened to her, it was surely his fault, and he did not think he could ever forgive himself – let alone get over it.
He poured himself a glass of whisky with a shaking hand, but couldn’t bring himself to drink it. His stomach churned, and he felt as though he might cast up the contents of it at any moment. She was the one in pain, she was the one doing thehard work, but down below the fear raged through him until he could not breathe.
???
Constance knew that Ezra was afraid. She’d known he was from the moment she told him about the child. She’d expected it – why wouldn’t he be? And yet he had rallied remarkably well, almost seeming excited at some points, as she grew bigger and less able to continue with her usual countess’s duties.
He took care of her, spent his time with her so she was not lonely or bored, and brought her anything she desired.
But when the pains had begun, and she had sent for the doctor, she had seen that fear return.
And now, although her labour was more painful than anything she had experienced before, she found it was him she was worried about. She didn’t think anything was going to happen to her. She felt confident in the doctor and the midwife, and her own body had never failed her. But she hated the fact that he was terrified downstairs, and that she could not do anything to comfort him.
"Ezra…" she said between pains. "He’ll be so worried, he’ll—"
"You shouldn’t be worrying about him right now," her sister Charity – who had come up to be with her for the birth – said, mopping her brow with a wet cloth. "You just need to focus on yourself and this baby. He’ll be fine, I’m sure."
"But you know—" Constance began, but her words were cut off by another tightening, quicker and sharper than the others.
"I do know. But he wouldn’t thank you for wasting your energy on him right now, I can tell you that. You need to focus.And then, when there’s a beautiful little baby for him to meet, you can think about him again."
"She’s right, my lady," the midwife said, as she brought over a basin of hot water. "This is women’s work – and important work too – and you want to save your energy to bring this babe safely into the world. You can worry about His Lordship as much as you want once the baby’s here."
And so Constance gritted her teeth and pushed when she was told to, and tried to push Ezra from her mind.
???
The knock on the door made Ezra jump, concerned that it was news – and of course he expected bad news – from upstairs.
But when it opened, it was Soames, accompanied by his mother.
"I thought you might need some company," she said, dismissing Soames with a nod.
