Tears came to her eyes, and she opened her mouth to speak, to tell him that she loved him – but instead he said, "Will you come into the library with me, for tea?"
It was such an abrupt departure from what they had been discussing that she felt rather in shock, as though every time he came closer he pulled away again. But she nodded and silently followed him out of the rooms that had caused so much pain, down the stairs and into the library – the beautiful round room which had already been laid for tea.
He poured, and she smiled to herself; he really was an unconventional earl, answering his own door, pouring his own tea. She supposed he preferred privacy to always having his staff around.
"I feel I’ve overwhelmed you today," he said once they both had their cups.
"A little," Constance agreed with a smile.
"I wanted to tell you why I could not take you into those rooms the other day – why I have not been honest about the fact that I am in love with you, Constance, and I have been for some time."
Constance nearly choked on her tea, and she put the cup down, her hand shaking slightly.
"And I don’t think I told you that I am in love with you," she said, shocked that she could make herself say the words, though she knew her cheeks were burning red.
He smiled, and her heart raced even faster.
"I wanted to tell you about the past – about my fears, about why I have been so reticent. But I did not want to ask you to marry me surrounded by the past. Because this is what I want for the future, Constance: you and I, without being haunted by what came before. I’m not saying that I will never be scared, or that I will never fail and put a foot wrong – but if you’ll marry me, I promise I will spend my life making sure you always know how loved and cherished you are."
???
She was silent for what felt like forever, and he wondered if he had miscalculated – but then she had said she loved him, and he did not think she would shy away from his damaged self. And he meant every word. As terrifying as the thought was of being married again, of potentially having children, he never wanted her to feel she wasn’t good enough, or that there was someone else waiting in the wings, ready to usurp her.
Because for him, she was everything.
He set down his teacup and wondered if he had not been clear enough, and so said, as clearly as he could, "Will you marry me, Constance?"
And she smiled, and said in a whisper he could barely hear, "Yes."
Chapter Twenty-Six
"Icannot get married without my father here," Constance said as they drank their tea, hardly able to believe this was really happening. "I don’t know what timeline you were thinking of—"
"Whatever suits you," he said with a smile. "I’d wait months if you wanted, or go and get a special licence tomorrow. I mean it, Constance – I would do anything for you."
She found it hard to believe that anyone would do anything for her, and yet there was so much sincerity in his voice that her heart ached.
"I don’t want to wait months," she said, with a shy smile. "Just time to write to my father, and for him to get here."
"Will your father be angry that I did not ask his permission before asking you?" Ezra asked.
"I should think he’ll just be pleased that I’m to wed. And I think, from what Charity said, he’s possibly been dealing with some drama surrounding her chances to marry, so he’ll be pleased to have one of us off his hands."
"Well then," Ezra said. "We’ll have the banns read, and then marry as soon as he arrives – if that suits you. Or if you wanted a big society wedding, we could plan that too. I admit it’s not much I know about – my mother organised it all lasttime, you see. But I rather feel you will not want her controlling everything…"
"It’s not that, exactly," Constance said, putting down her teacup, for the liquid inside was cold after being held for so long. "But I do not think I want a big wedding anyway. The thought of all those people looking at me…it does not appeal. I just want the people I love there – and the people you love too, of course."
"Do you mind being married from Northumberland? I know it would be more traditional to marry from your home, and if you wish to, we can. I had thought we could host the wedding breakfast here, but if you would prefer…"
Constance shook her head. "You know I love Gracewood Castle. I can think of nowhere better to start our life together."
Ezra beamed. "Neither can I."
???
After Constance had left – declining his offer of a carriage and saying she much preferred to ride home by horseback – Ezra sat in his library, put his feet up on the desk, and smiled to himself. He had done it. He had overcome his fear and asked her to marry him – and she had said yes.
He would no longer live alone, no longer have the years stretching ahead of him with no change in sight. There would be other fears to come, of course. If they were to have a real marriage, then the fear of childbirth would always loom over them. But he was determined today to be happy, and not to let the past overshadow it.
