"Well, you must see inside – see what you think of the light – before you make your final judgement," he said, mock-seriously.
"Of course," Constance said, as though she were surveying the property. "Let us go in."
He held open the door for her and then followed her down the corridor, which she had, of course, seen before. Still, he watched as she took in the oak-panelled doors and the paintings of his ancestors with interest, and then looked back at him for direction.
"The library is right at the end, in a turret. I think you’ll like it – there’s something about a circular library that just feels quite special."
She nodded and quickened her pace, clearly keen to see the room.
Be careful, Ezra, he told himself. She’s just interested in the castle. Don’t let your heart get involved where it doesn’t belong.
???
"It’s beautiful," Constance said, running her hand along the stone wall of the library before stopping at the shelves to examine some of the titles. "And so much history within these walls, don’t you think?"
"I suppose so," the Earl – Ezra – said. He had a smile on his face, but she rather thought he was humouring her. She doubted he was truly as interested in the history as she was.
"And what a use for a turret," she continued excitedly. "Now that you no longer need to defend the castle from invasion. What lies above it? Is it another enchanting room, or did all the effort go into this one?"
He hesitated, and for a moment a pained expression crossed his features before he said, "It is a bedchamber. Anyway, shall we move on?"
He showed her everywhere downstairs, and though things were inexplicably a little awkward after her question – though she could not understand why – he warmed up again when they ascended to the gallery and looked out over the entrance hall.
"Can you imagine…knights returning from battle to dine here? Great feasts…" She smiled wistfully. "Oh, sometimes I wish I could step back in time, just to see how everyone lived.These castles are such beautiful homes, but they speak of a bygone era. An era I rather wish I could experience."
"A much more dangerous era," Ezra said softly.
"That’s true. I don’t know if I’d wish to go back there permanently, to live my life there, but just to visit… if such a thing were possible."
"It would be interesting, I grant you," he said. "But if you could go back in time, would you not be tempted to choose the more recent past? To visit loved ones, or to right wrongs?" He gave a small shrug. "I think that’s what I would choose to do…"
She thought for a moment and wondered if he was speaking of the wife she knew he had lost. "I suppose I would like to see Mama again," she said with a sad smile. "But I’m not sure there’s anything I would change. Not that I’ve always made the right decisions, don’t get me wrong – after all, I came into this castle thinking it was empty, did I not? But I find that every action, every event, has a reason; it leads to something else. No matter how painful, or embarrassing, or disruptive. I suppose I would worry that if it were possible – if I could go back in time and change things – would I, unsuspectingly, change something that I would want to happen in the future?"
She glanced along the corridor to the left and right. "I suppose I believe everything is decided by God, and so it is not my place to change it. Anyway, where will you show me next? I imagine you have a fantastic view from the highest rooms, with the castle being on a hill."
???
She spoke in such an offhand manner, and yet her words held such depth. He had never believed that Laura’s passing could be something God had decided upon. He wasn’t even sure if he truly believed in God, if he was honest with himself. Butwas her passing bound to happen? Was it simply a life event that could not be changed, part of the path he was meant to walk? That, he did not know.
"This way," he said, heading in the opposite direction of the nursery, which had been shut up since Laura had died, since the child had died, since there had been no need for it. It wasn’t a room he ever entered, nor did the staff. As much as he wanted to please Lady Constance, he could not bring himself to show her that room. Nor could he show her the countess’s chamber, which was above the library in its own charming circular turret.
But he could show her the attic – with its slit windows and its incredible view over Northumberland.
"There is a fantastic view, if you don’t mind getting a little dusty," he said, looking down at her dress, which was finer than the one she had worn when she had thought his house abandoned. "But if you’d rather not…"
She grinned at him, a twinkle in her eye. "Of course I want to. Lead the way."
He loved how enthusiastic she was: how keen for adventure, how unconcerned with propriety. So far, everywhere they had been, the doors had been open and staff could have walked in at any moment. But up in the attics, they would be entirely alone. Not that he intended anything to happen. In spite of his feelings, he was nothing if not a gentleman. But she surely had to know that it was not entirely proper for her to be alone with him in such a setting.
The wooden ladder up to the attics had not been used much since Ezra was a boy, but it still seemed sturdy enough. He sent Constance up ahead, so that if she fell, he might catch her. He let her climb most of the way before starting himself, realising, with some discomfort, that if he climbed too soon, they would be far too close for propriety.
The attics were used as storage now, but when Ezra had been a boy, he had played up there, making up his own games that usually involved pretending to shoot arrows out of the windows at imaginary foes. He had never had brothers or sisters, having become earl at a young age after the death of his father in a riding accident. But he had always wished for a playmate.
Sometimes he had dragged the cook’s son – or even a young footman – into his games, but his mother had always put a stop to it when she found out. She had liked for things to be done properly, and it was not appropriate for the young earl to be playing with the servants’ children. He knew now, as an adult, that she had only wanted to preserve the good name of the earldom, but it had led to a rather lonely childhood, where he was forced to rely upon his imagination and play both sides of any game.
"Goodness!" Constance exclaimed as she reached a window and saw the vast distance visible on such a clear day. You could see Blackthorne Castle, a small dot on the horizon, and the sea sparkling under the sun. Coral Cove was visible too, and even Amblewood, if you knew where to look.
He had liked to think, as a boy, that he could see the whole county from here, and had pretended to defend it many times.
