He beams at me, and it’s the most beautiful smile, even with tusks that jut out from his lower set of teeth. He lets me sit up, and I cross my legs on the mattress. His massive form makes the springs sink so low that I can hear the box spring groan underneath.
“I don’t understand why you need to wear this costume for me. Or come to me in the middle of the night. Are you worried someone is looking for you?”
His heavy brows draw together. “No one is looking for me. I came to you because you’re my wife and you said you felt ill. I’m here to take care of you.”
“Take care of me, how?”
“I do what orcs do when they gain a wife.”
Uh oh.
“Which is what?” I say, humoring him until I figure out what to do.
“We prove our worth with feats of strength and endurance. And then we wait for the wife to confirm or repeal the marriage.”
I relax a little and smile. “Feats of strength such as…”
His face falls, and he looks at me sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with one of those giant green mitts of his. “Well,for example, I crash landed into your pretty sign, and I carried the pieces around until I found your wood shop.”
“You what?”
“I fixed the sign and put it back up easily. Your father’s woodshed has seen better days, but it is well organized and nicely equipped for an average human.”
I gasp. “No one goes into Ron Allman’s wood shop. You can’t do that.”
“Oh. Well, if I fix the roof, will he let me continue to demonstrate feats of strength and skill?”
“Grak, I don’t think you understand. Ron Allman doesn’t let me, or Mom, or any of my siblings set foot in the wood shop. He himself hasn’t set foot in there since Mom got sick, and now everything is covered in a layer of dust, and he’s not going to use it again until she’s better. Do you understand?”
“No.”
For a minute there, I almost bought into the whole real-life orc thing.
I cover my eyes with the balls of my fists.
“Ginger468…”
“Just Ginger.”
“Just Ginger, does your head hurt?”
“No, I just can’t believe I’m letting you fuck with me the way you’ve been fucking with me in the game.”
“Fucking with you comes later, after feats of strength and endurance. And now that we’re out of the game, I can speak more plainly.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes. After I prove my worth to my wife, I pleasure you with my tongue until you are satisfied. Then and only then is the marriage sealed forever.”
I peek through my fingers. “Marriage? It was a video game wedding.”
“In my world, we simply speak our desires to be married, and we are married. Then the bride has the option of undoing the sealing if she is not impressed by her orc’s ability to provide. Both in material ways and in the realm of the marriage bed.”
I can’t help it. I have to know more. “Fine. Sure. Whatever. And what about the wife? What does she have to prove to be worthy of marriage?”
“Nothing.”
I bark a laugh. “Nothing? Come on.”
