“Noth—” He whips around. “Ryder, you know what denying the bond will do to you?”
“It’s a choice, according to Dad and Marissa. She’s what’s deemed best for me, but I don’t have to complete the bond, and so, I won’t. Everything we talked about today will go on.”
“But, Ryder?—”
“But nothing. I’m telling you this because I need your help.”
He straightens. “Anything.”
“Ensure I hand her to Twilight Grove when the time comes. Ensure I don’t accidentally go through with it. No matter what happens, Carina isn’t meant for life here.”
Xander’s silent for a long moment, reading in my expression what I’m actually feeling. Hell, probably witnessing for himself the way my soul tears up a bit each passing day my mark isn’t on her neck. But he agrees with a tip of his chin.
“This stays between us. Not even Leah.”
“Of course.” He hesitates for a few seconds before heading back to camp.
I wait until Carina’s trace dissipates from the air before going to search for more of her.
Twenty-Two
CARINA
Havingcomfy clothes is life changing.
Keeping Ryder’s hoodie on but switching out my other clothes for a t-shirt and jogging pants makes everything feel a bit better. When I’m warm and cozy, I decide this will be my outfit for the next while, given the whole outdoors, lack of insulation thing.
While Ryder’s bed is calling my name—the ultimate coziness—I don’t dare get into it and risk him being pissed off, so I take one of the chairs again. Bringing my legs up to get comfortable, I let my head slump between my shoulder and the chair’s backing, my eyes shut.
But sleep remains a far-fetched dream as today hits me in a second wave of harsh truths. Because apparently earlier just wasn’t enough.
Mom isn’t my birth mom.
Twilight Grove will do who knows what to turn me Dark.
I’m stuck inside a shifter pack’s camp with wolves who despise me.
Everything builds and builds until the heavy weight of realizingI am not okaybecomes suffocating, tearing at my insides until finding the source of my grief, and tears burst forth.
No matter how much I wipe them away, more come. I bury my head in my knees and plead with Hecate to grant me sleep in this position. For tears to exhaust me so much, it’s inevitable. At least in slumber, everything goes away. No one’s coming for me, and I’m home, safe behind a magickal barrier.
She ignores my prayer.
I cry for Mom, who took on so much by keeping me.
For my birth mother, who died on the front step of a stranger’s home.
For my birth coven, who haven’t been seen in decades.
I cry for myself.
For the coming week.
For an elderly wolf, ill a few cabins away.
I cry and cry, unable to stop the swarm of tears that create a blubbering mess within Ryder’s cabin.
I cry because ofthat. Because I’m not home. I’m alone in this crusade, all because of my bloodline.
