No.
Iwillcontrol this.
I will.
Somehow…before I hurt anyone else.
Fifty-Nine
RYDER
After an hour of walking,it feels like we’ve gotten nowhere. Even with Carina’s magick doing most of the carrying, we’re slow. We need to get out of this province—hell, this side of the country—before Sloane comes for us. Conan needs to be returned to the pack, properly laid to rest, and we need time to grieve.
And Carina needs to be safe.
If only we had a way of reaching Jasper to return us back home. Carina’s spent most of the trip seated on my back, though she walked a bit, despite the irritated snap of my jaws she ignored. She hasn’t spoken a single word to any of us.
The Carina from camp, the Carina from the cell, and the Carina now are three different people. When all I need is to feel her calming emotions to reassure me she’s okay, she’s stiff and closed off and barely looks at me. Her emotions are turbulent at best— a storm of grief, horror, anger, depression, rage, and acceptance. She’s cycling through each one faster than we can walk.
She’s ignoring me and it’s aggravating, but more so, I’m annoyed she’s not letting me help her through her pain.
Once we’ve passed the Manitoba border, around the area Jasper dropped us off at, I pull everyone to a stop. Carina doesn’t wait for me to lower my body before she hops off and disappears into the forest. The others pretend not to notice.
“Rest,” I command before following Carina through the thicket and to a nearby stream she’s managed to find.
If she hears me coming, she continues ignoring me as she lowers to a crouch on the bank and goes to dip her hands. She stops before reaching the water, and her fingers curl into fists she instead jabs against her forehead.
“Leave me alone, leave me alone…”
“I refuse to.”
With a gasp, she whips around. Strange new eyes wide but immediately narrowing as she stiffly climbs back to her feet. “Ryder.”
“We need to talk.”
Her breath stalls, something I feel through the connection. “About?”
“I think you know what.”
“I suppose it’s unavoidable.” She sniffs and stares at the stream to ask, “When did you know I was your mate?”
Finally able to admit it—to admit everything—the truth tumbles out, mingling with the mental demand she allows: that I erase the four feet of distance between us so I can stroke her bite mark and remind both myself and her that she’s mine.
“Right away, though I didn’t realize it was anîkâkîstisbond. When we met by the lake, there was something different about you. The way I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
“You saw me. That’s why my spell didn’t work. It was…this.”
“It’d make sense. We don’t know how the bond works, only that Earth or fate or something in the universe gives us one. Surely whatever that power is ensured you couldn’t hide from me.”
She exhales audibly, biting her bottom lip.
“Your scent lingered right up until the meeting. I went into it knowing I’d be taking a witch named Carina Hargrove, but my mind couldn’t escapeyou. Little did I realize the woman plaguing my mind was Carina. All of a sudden, the witch my body was screaming at me to be near, to protect, was coming home with me. That first night when I left you in my cabin, Marissa explained it all to me.” I take another step, a stick cracking beneath my weight.
“What would have happened if you were already mated?” Her lips part with the question, spinning half-formed answers before giving me the chance to respond. Her question may have the power to break me because her concern says more.
“Don’t think I ever could have. Either way, I never planned on completing the bond. You were needed by Twilight Grove. You’re slated to become a High Priestess. We were strangers thrown together by unfortunate circumstances. I didn’twantto complete it… Didn’t want you.”
My voice dies on the wind—a plea for her to read between the lines.
