"I think if I had no other counsel but yours, I would be as well off as I could be. But since there is strength in numbers, who else do you recommend I court?"
I grinned, settling myself more comfortably in my alpha's lap, and shared my observations without reserve.
Torion leftbefore dawn the next morning, and I had a hazy memory of his lips kissing almost chastely up my spine before whispering his goodbye in my ear. I woke with sunlight streaming over my bare back and a smile on my lips. I opened my eyes to the sight of my tea steaming, little dust motes sparkling in the air, the scent of lemon and ginger a fresh greeting to the morning.
I caught Torion's pillow, the indentation from his head still in place, and drew it to me, breathing his cinnamon ash scent in asdeeply as I could. I knew what was happening, the way my chest felt effervescent and light enough to float away, even as it grew dense and full and heavy. The nervous expectation was icy with fear, and yet exhilarating too.
I groaned into Torion's pillow and tried to find a calming center once more. I would work in my office today, the beautiful space Torion had built for me, and it would help settle some of the flurry of feeling. I had made a vow to myself not to push those feelings away, but dwelling in them too much made anxieties stack just as high as hopes.
I sat up in the bed, shoving my many gathered pillows and blankets aside, scooting back and preparing to throw myself out of the nest and into the day, when the sight of a few marks of dull reddish brown on the white sheets froze me in place. A small cry quaked out from my barely parted lips, and my eyes shut on the sight as I tried to find my breath.
The old nurse in the village near Malcolm's estate had assured me it was a common symptom for early pregnancy, that it was as likely to amount to nothing as it might signal any concerns. My mother's notes had said much the same, offering some recommendations of rest and certain teas if there were any other hints of trouble, like a pinching cramp. I'd hid my worry and my old sorrow and offered the women who'd come to me with their own worries over blood spotting false words of comfort and patience.
But I'd spotted with my first pregnancy, and that spotting had turned to cramping and bleeding and a day spent in bed weeping as I suffered through the physical loss of a gift I'd barely been able to cherish.
Torion's name was on the tip of my tongue, a ready plea for him that horrified me. I wanted his hand in mine, wanted to feed him the same words of comfort I'd given others, so that he might return them to me with all his ready confidence.
My fingers reached down to the spots of blood but stopped short, settling instead on the shining white scar at my inner thigh—the absurd bite mark Torion had left on me in a downright scandalous moment of lust and possession. I'd never properly given him a scolding for biting me. I couldn't. There was something about the mark that I…liked. Cherished. I should've thought of it as violent, but it felt more like a promise. My lips quirked and wobbled. He would be so upset when he returned and discovered my distress.
The thought comforted me, as did touching his mark on me.
A knock sounded on the door, and I jerked, throwing the blankets back over me, trying to wipe terror from my face. It was Maggie rather than my usual maid who entered.
"Beg pardon, milady, I have just a few questions for you regarding—Oh my, you're pale, lovey! What's the matter?"
Maggie tucked her little notebook into an apron pocket and marched toward the bed, and I made a subtle fuss to be sure there were no signs of my distress or its cause visible. Maggie's slightly gnarled hand rose to my forehead as she tutted.
"Not feverish," she said, and for some reason the declaration soothed me.
"Just tired and still awaking," I said, swallowing hard around my tremulous voice and twisting away from Maggie's touch to take up my tea.
Maggie hummed and stepped back, looking me over. "Well, if that's all…" she said slowly, but when I managed a closed lip smile she rattled off her queries, mainly about meals and if she could hire a new boy for the kitchens and what room I would like the renovations to focus on next.
"All of that sounds very good," I said, after deferring to Maggie's first choices. Her eyes narrowed and I hurried on, not thinking, just not wanting Maggie to examine my mood too closely. "Could you have my breakfast sent up on a tray? Anda bath and…bring me my notebook from my workroom and maybe a book to read?"
Maggie blinked at this. "I certainly can. You'renotfeeling well, are you?"
"I'm not poorly, I promise. But with the alpha gone for the day and you in charge, I feel safe in taking the time to rest. Even to…be a bit lazy."
Maggie's lips pursed, and then she smiled, and it was too kind and tender. She rested a hand over my bent knee and rubbed there through the blankets. Maggie had a number of sons and grandchildren, and I knew in that moment that she saw right through me.
"Of course, milady. And don't you deserve a laze. I'll have all that sent up straight away."
"Thank you, Maggie," I rasped out, staring down into my lap to hide my watery eyes.
And truth be told, Maggie was likely right, because the morning spent in bed seemed to restore some of my equilibrium. There was no more spotting of blood, and no cramping, and I spent a couple hours untangling a collection of notes about the uses for juniper, while the background of my thoughts ran on one stern refrain.
I was not going to lose this child. If it took every tea and every tonic in my mother's and my arsenals, every old wives’ tale and superstition, and every doctor from here to Skybern, I would hold tight to this life Torion and I had created. I would dig out the old temples for the ancient dragons and fill them to the rafters with precious stones and gold and any manner of tokens of plea.
Well…perhaps that was going a little far. Digging was probably not wise under the current circumstances.
But if that was what it took, by Tylane's tail, I would do it.
It was after luncheon when I realized that sitting in one place all day doing as little as possible didn't really suit my nature. And since I felt well enough, and a little silly for my initial panic, I roused myself from bed and dressed, just in time to hear a flurry of activity from the great hall. I made it as far as the inner balcony, seeing only the back of a dragon's wings that I thoughtmight'vebeen Samuel Cameron’s, when a young boy ran to me.
"What's happened?"
"A challenge on Bleake Isle, milady. The alpha's gone to give them support," the boy said in a breathless rush.
