I'd never imagined how devastating it would be to lose them, even so soon.
I might hate Torion if he didn't feel the love the same way, if the loss didn't break him as it would me. If I could even stand to go through that loss again.
"You're white as a ghost, poor love. It's too soon to worry yet, I should think," Maggie soothed.
I shook my head. It wasn't too soon. It was too late, if anything. I hadn't thought this through. I hadn't considered how horrible hope might feel after so long.
"You need to rest," Maggie continued.
"No," I whispered, shaking my head. I needed a distraction.
"Not to be indiscreet, milady, but the whole keep knows you haven't had a full night's sleep in weeks," Maggie said, dragging me toward the bedroom I shared with Torion. My face went hot,and my stomach turned. "We've finally got the place running as it should. Enjoy the victory, and take a moment to yourself."
She threw the door open, and I braced myself for the scent of rut, soiled sheets and desperate lovemaking. Instead, I caught a whiff of my own perfume and Torion's warmer scent, along with a breeze of fresh air. The servants had helped themselves to airing the room out. The nest was still up, but the curtains were parted to reveal a freshly made bed. I swayed woozily at the thought of what they'd dealt with while stripping the mattress, but Maggie was still towing me along and it was easier to follow than to fight.
"Have a little nap. I'll send something up for you to snack on when you wake," Maggie said, pushing me to the foot of the bed.
There was no getting rid of our scents now, mine and Torion's. It would take an entirely new mattress, perhaps even a new bedframe. And I hated how comforting it was to crawl over the soft cushions and into the cool sheets, for it to smell almost as if Torion was in the bed with me. I hated that Maggie was right, that my eyelids were heavy and I'd woken up too early and worked too hard in the garden and around the keep after a restless couple of weeks.
I hated that as Maggie left the room with a parting, "I'll let the alpha know you're here," it was an expectant kind of pleasure I felt at the thought that he might join me.
The room waswarm and a little humid as I woke to the sound of water rushing from one container to another. I kept my eyes closed, my body heavy on the bed, one arm thrown over my head, the other covering my stomach. There was a whiff of dinner in the air, salt and meat and something promisingly tart.Soft footsteps paced over the rug to the fire and back to the tub, another kettle full of warm water pouring out. I opened one eye to golden, hazy candlelight.
The edge of the bed dipped, and a soft kiss landed on my shin, where my dress had hiked up to reveal skin. A hand landed by my hip, and then another on the opposite side, knees bracing on either side of my legs. Torion appeared, smiling gently, head bowing to rest between my breasts for a moment.
"It's your turn to be bathed," he murmured.
A scream tightened into a knot in my chest, but it came out as a sigh as I sat up. "You don't have to seduce me anymore, Torion."
He rolled his eyes—a rare sign of irritation with me that I found strangely attractive. Then he sat back on his heels. "Of course I do, but that's not what this is. Come on. Let me be gallant, or I'll pick you up and toss you in the water."
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and he cradled me, carrying me over to the tub. "Maggie told you she had to put me down for a nap, I take it?" I asked.
He hummed for a moment, standing me at the foot of the tub and helping me out of my clothes. "Actually, I told Maggie to put you down for a nap. Not exactly with those words, but I suppose they suit."
I frowned as he lifted my dress and slip over my head. Since when did Maggie and Torion conspire to manageme?
"You looked cross when I sent the lads out to the garden with fertilizer and mulch."
"I could've done that myself," I protested, taking his hand to help myself step into the tub.
Torion scoffed. "With one wheelbarrow at a time for the rest of the day."
"I like to work," I muttered, and then let out a little groan of appreciation as I sank into the hot water. "You need one of these."
"I had mine while you were sleeping," Torion said, and then he smiled and kissed my pouting frown. "Don't be mad at me for sparing your back. Did you really want to smell sheep shit all over me?"
I humphed, and Torion laughed, taking one of my arms from the tub ledge and stroking it with a sudsy wet cloth. "You meanyoudidn't want me smelling like fertilizer," I muttered
Torion sighed. "If that's what settles the argument, then yes."
I stiffened. Were we arguing? It felt more like flirting.
There was a tug on my braid, and my head fell back. Yes, flirting. Torion's dark eyes were warm and happy, and he peppered kisses over my face as I relaxed into the water.
"Sooner or later, you'll do more than accept me taking care of you. You'llexpectit," he said.
My heart thumped hard and stopped. Damn him, that was what I was afraid of. The day when I woke up and didn't wonder when he would turn away from me. The day when I trusted him completely. The day when I found myself happy and content and unafraid. The day when I woke up from the fantasy he invited me to believe in and remembered that he was just an imperfect man and I was just an imperfect woman whose heart loved too easily.
