“Have you found any trace of her?”
“No,” Jagger says bluntly, and the single syllable is crushing.
“Then you aren’t doing enough. None of us is.”
“Hawk. Let us work.” Jagger steps closer. His tone is softer as he tries to build a ladder of logic out of the ruins I’ve made. “Damon is sweeping the wreckage again, trying to see where the tracks pick up. Gunnar is sweeping the west side of the base for the third time. Mattis has been mainlining energy drinks and digging through satellite surveillance. We all want her back as badly as you do.”
I want to believe him. But the truth is, they don’t love her like I do. “You’re telling me what you’ve done.” I pace, my feet stomping across the hard ground in spite of the pain it causes. “I’m asking what you’vefound.”
Jagger holds my stare for a moment, but his gaze falters and falls to the ground. “Nothing.”
A shadow falls over me as Gunnar strides into the tent, arms crossed and face pinched tight. “You need to bed down, Hawk,” he insists. It’s not a request.
“I need to find Reese,” I protest. “The four of you aren’t enough. You need me out there, helping.”
“You aren’t in any condition to lead a manhunt.” Gunnar is calm and controlled, as always, but today I want to throttle him for it. I don’t want calmness. I want them to be as fired up as I am. His eyes flick to my ribs and the bandages. “You’re a walking wreck.”
“Then you lead.” The words come out harsh. “I didn’t sign up to be a goddamn patient while she’s being dragged to who knows where.”
“We all want the same thing. But charging out half-cocked will put us all in danger. Reese included. You know that.Youtaught us better.” I taught them everything. Every tactic, every technique, and the importance of caution. I taught them to be methodical. Careful. My very teachings are the reason I’ve made it through over twenty years of putting my life on the line. But I’m willing to throw all the rules out the window for Reese. I’d do anything to get her back. Even if that means sacrificing myself.
Jagger crosses the distance between us and puts a hand on my good shoulder. “We’re going to find her, Hawk. We will.”
I stare at him until the feral part of me quiets a fraction. Only without anger coursing through my veins, I’m left with far worse emotions. Terror and guilt.
The pain wins. My knees buckle, and I crumple to the floor, the air punching out of my lungs as I land hard on my side. An animalistic sound rips out of me, but it has nothing to do with the pain of the impact. It’s raw and ugly, tearing through my chest until I’m shaking. The tent walls close in, and I struggle to breathe. My vision blurs, but it doesn’t matter. All I can see is Reese’s face with that small curl at the corners of her mouth that silently promised,We’re going to be okay.
But we’re not.
“It’s my fault,” I sob, my voice shredded and foreign. My fingers dig into the plywood beneath me, curling like claws. “It’s all my goddamn fault.”
Boots scuff the floor, followed by the rustle of fabric as Jagger kneels behind me. Without a moment of hesitation, his arm comes around my shoulders, pulling me tight. His voice is low, hoarse with exhaustion, but solid in a way mine isn’t. “It’s not your fault, Chris.”
Hearing my name—my real name—nearly undoes me. Nobody calls me that anymore.No one but Reese.Not since before the army turned me into Hawk. Before I learned to bury every piece of softness I had left. The man Reese still sees underneath all this armor.
I shake my head, refusing the comfort even though I lean into it. “You weren’t there. You didn’t see how fast it happened. I should’ve seen it coming. Ialwayssee it coming.” The words hitch, my breath hitching. “I let my guard down. I letherguard down.”
Jagger’s grip tightens around me. “You couldn’t have known. None of us could’ve.”
“I can’t lose her again.” The confession slips out before I can stop it. “It nearly broke me the first time, Jagger. I can’t…” My hands fist against my thigh, nails biting through the fabric of my pants. “I can’t survive it again.”
“I know,” he murmurs. He watched me spiral out of control before helping me pull myself back together all those years ago. “We’re gonna find her. We’re gonna bring her home.”
Home.
The word stings. Because home isn’t a place anymore. It’sher. Always has been. Without her, I’m just a man wandering through the wreckage of life.
The satellite phone rings, buzzing lightly against the hardwood floor. I freeze for half a second, then lunge for it, pain exploding across my torso. My vision tunnels dark at the edges, but I clamber across the floor. After picking it up, I fumble to answer the call. “Tell me you found something,” I breathe, barely holding the phone to my ear.
Static crackles on the other end. “Hawk?”
“Mattis. Tell me you found something, Mattis.Anything.”
The moment of silence feels like it stretches on for an eternity. “I’ve got a lead,” he shares finally.
“I’ve got a thermal signature at a decommissioned outpost,” Mattis shares. “It could be her. But it could be nothing. It’s faint, about five klicks east of your crash site.”
Suddenly, the air inside the tent is electric, charged with purpose and hope. My pulse hammers through the pain in my ribs, blurring everything except the image of her face burned into the back of my skull.
