Georgiana.
He had nearly lost her.He was the worst of brothers.She was a foolish sister—he had spent many hours contemplating exactly how foolish—but she was only fifteen.Was everyone not foolish at such an age?He was seven and twenty.She was under his care.He had a responsibility to ensure she was not placed in situations for which she was unprepared and in this, he had failed spectacularly.
He had been deceived in her companion’s nature, but the woman had had all the right references.He had checked them himself.Still…he should not have allowed her to go to a strange place with only a companion.He could have sent the underbutler and a few footmen with her.With strict instructions to escort her wherever she went, of course, and to report Mrs.Younge’s movements to him.Regardless of her references, he had not known her long.That alone was reason for caution.
He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose.There was no use obsessing over what could have been.He had learned his lesson now and he would not make the same mistake again.
Mrs.Annesley came highly recommended.She was the widow of a vicar and had one son who was living in Derby.Her husband had been significantly older than her and widowed himself, and he had three children from his first marriage.She was on good terms with her husband’s children and one of them happened to have a living thirty miles from Pemberley.Darcy was friendly with the estate owner in charge of the living, and he had grilled him relentlessly on Mrs.Annesley and her family.
He was comforted by what he heard of her, but he still would not allow her to take Georgiana anywhere without him.They were at Pemberley now, and when he joined Bingley at his new estate, they would go to stay with his aunt Davies in Nottinghamshire.Two of his most trusted footmen would accompany them with the sole job of looking after Georgiana.
Darcy was paying them well for their services, and their families had served the Darcys for several generations, so he was almost certain he could rely on them.He still fretted though.Bingley was his closest friend and in need of his assistance.And Georgiana was filled with remorse every time she saw him.Even when he was at his gentlest with her, she could barely look up from the carpet.She would likely recover quicker away from his presence.But he could not help but feel he was leaving her at a delicate time.
Would she feel abandoned if he left?Or worse—would she be relieved?He supposed the best he could hope for was that she would be grateful for the time to herself, not necessarily his particular absence.Knowing he was thinking in circles and driving himself mad in the process, Darcy took up his riding crop and headed for the stables.A good ride would clear his mind.
There was nothing for it.Darcy must speak with Georgiana.If she was upset at the idea of him leaving, he would put Bingley off.His sister was more important.Regardless of what her reaction was they could not go on as they were.He was the elder, he was more mature and experienced.It was up to him to broach the topic.
He quickly found her in the music room, playing a sad dirge.
“Georgie, may I speak with you?”
Her fingers clanged on the keys and she looked up at him like a startled deer.Was she truly afraid of him?Good God, how had such a thing happened?
She nodded and he gestured to the sofa by the window.Mrs.Annesley smiled at Darcy and discreetly left the room, leaving brother and sister alone.Together.
Georgiana settled next to him, perched on the edge of the seat as if she would run away at any moment.
“Georgie,” he said softly, “are you afraid of me?”
She startled and looked up at him with wide eyes.“No!Of course not!You are all that is good, brother.I could never be frightened of you.”
“Then why will you not look at me?”
“It is not you, Fitzwilliam.It is me.I am ashamed of myself.”
He took up her hand and squeezed it tightly.“Dearest, you have no need to be.It was not your fault.It was entirely that blackguard Wickham.He took advantage of your youth, of your prior connection.The fault is entirely his, and Mrs.Younge’s for not looking after you better, and mine for trusting her in the first place.”
Georgiana huffed.“I am not a child, Fitzwilliam!I must bear some of the blame.”
He could only stare at her, shocked at her outburst.Georgiana never spoke so, and certainly never to him.
She sighed.“I will be sixteen in the spring, brother.Some women are married at my age.”
“Women with foolish parents.”
“Nevertheless.”She twisted her hands in her lap, staring at the floor.“I must own some responsibility for my actions.And for my inactions.”
He tilted his head to see her face.“What do you mean, your inactions?”
“I mean that I knew Wickham was in the wrong.I knew I should not be meeting him on my own.I knew I should not agree to an elopement.I did not even wish to, not truly.But it seemed to make him so happy, and I did not want to disappoint him, so I agreed.”
Darcy fumed where he sat beside her.He should have challenged Wickham when he had the chance.
“I have a long history of remaining silent when I would do better to speak, and it has not served me well.It is of this that I am most ashamed.”Her head hung lower as she whispered, “I am a coward.”
Darcy scooted closer to her on the seat, tilting her face up gently.“Of what do you speak, dearest?Perhaps if you tell me about it, we might work it out together.”
“There is nothing to work out!When I most need to say something, I am utterly silent.And then the moment passes and I am left to live with the consequences.”
