“Yes, I know that.I meant that I had not told you it was Mr.Bingley.”
Jane was quiet for a few minutes, a thoughtful expression on her face.“I am glad you did not tell me sooner.It would have made me anxious in his company, and I would not have been able to come to know him as I have, nor my own heart.”
“Do you know your heart?It has not been so very long.”
“No, it has not, but I know I am growing to love him.I have cared for him for some time, but my feelings only deepen each time we meet.”
Elizabeth smiled.“Oh, Jane!That is wonderful!”
“Do you know when we shall wed?Did you ever dream of a wedding?”
Elizabeth made a face.“I did not.My dreams are never clear about when they are happening.I can only guess according to how old we look and the season of the trees around us.”
Jane nodded absently.
“Jane,” Elizabeth said hesitantly, “have you considered being more open in your feelings with Mr.Bingley?”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“Charlotte said something to me—that you are so reserved that a gentleman might not know if he had a chance to win your favor for how similarly you treat everyone.”
Jane jerked her head back in surprise.“Would you have me be improper?”
“No, of course not.I mean no criticism of your behavior and I am not suggesting anything untoward.But, since you are sure of your feelings for Mr.Bingley, and we may be sure of his for you—”
“Because of your dreams,” interrupted Jane.
“Yes, because of the dreams.Since you know you will be happy together, might you consider being more open with him?Perhaps giving him more encouragement?It might bring about a wedding sooner.”
Elizabeth looked into the eyes of a clearly perplexed Jane, wondering if she should share her thoughts with her sister.“You know, Jane,” she said hesitantly, “I have come to wonder if what occurs in my dreams is not guaranteed.”
“What do you mean?They must be real if you saw Mr.Bingley.You had never seen him in your life before he came to Hertfordshire.”
“True, but that is not quite what I meant.They are real enough, but I mean there is no guarantee that what I dream will happen.Very little from the dreams has come to pass.Most of it is far in the future.I have begun to wonder if it is a glimpse of what could happen, not necessarily what will.”
Jane nodded thoughtfully.
“If that is true, I do not wish for you to lose Mr.Bingley.I know he will make you blissfully happy, and I wish that for you, my most deserving sister.”
“We are all deserving of happiness, Lizzy,” chastised Jane.
Elizabeth smiled.“You have proven my point perfectly.”She squeezed Jane’s hand.“That is why I want you to consider encouraging Mr.Bingley.I do not wish you to miss out on your chance at happiness.”
Jane looked about to protest, but then she stopped.She knew she kept a great deal to herself, but she did not wish for everyone around her to be aware of all her feelings.Neither did she wish to make anyone uncomfortable by sharing more than was proper or by displaying a sentiment that could injure another.
And there was her mother to consider.Mrs.Bennet meant well, but she could not see that all her boasting of her eldest daughter and thrusting her in front of every eligible man they met was mortifying to Jane and unlikely to endear their family to prospective suitors.That was one of the things she liked most about Mr.Bingley.He did not allow a little silliness to deter him.He seemed happy to be in her company despite her mother’s vulgarity.
“I think you may be right, Lizzy,” she said slowly.“I have kept things to myself for so long that it has become a habit.Perhaps I will try to show my feelings more with Mr.Bingley.If he is to be my husband, after all, it would not do for him to be completely unaware.”
Elizabeth smiled.“No, it would not.You will do splendidly, Jane.I know it.”
Jane smiled nervously, wondering how one went about showing their feelings when one had spent a lifetime concealing them, but her future happiness may very well depend on her assuring Mr.Bingley his interest was not unwelcome.
That night, Jane came down after dinner to sit with her hosts.Mr.Bingley was attentive and everything kind, and she smiled at him freely and tried to be encouraging when he spoke to her.She was sure she had made a cake of herself and felt horribly awkward, but she did not wish for her suitor to feel alone in his pursuit of her.
By the time she returned to her room, she was exhausted.
“Did I make a complete fool of myself?”she asked as Elizabeth helped her take down her hair.
