Your pathetic wife,
Elizabeth
31 August, 1814
Pemberley, Derbyshire
My lovely wife,
You are neither hopeless nor pathetic. As I watched the carriage pull away, I was filled with regret and nearly called for it to stop. The idea of being parted from you for any length of time is unsupportable. I know Mrs. Bingley needs you, and I would never dream of denying her your presence for my own selfish desires.
But I already miss you. I could hardly sleep last night for searching the bed for you. I finally placed pillows all about me and that allowed me to doze off, but I am horribly tired this morning. You would laugh were you to see me. My eyes are ringed with dark circles and I am certain my face is puffier than usual. I hardly recognized myself when I looked in the glass.
May I say that I am glad you are not with child, too? I would never wish for you to be uncomfortable or in pain, of course, though Pemberley does have a lake and there are several secluded spots suitable for bathing. And there is the brook, which as you know is more than private enough. But I find myself wishing to keep things as they are, at least for a little while longer. Though I will admit that picturing you rounded with my child is a stirring prospect.
Have I told you how happy you make me? When you accepted my hand, I thought it was the happiest moment of my life. And then I kissed you, beneath that old oak on Longbourn’s border, and my heart soared. Then after our wedding night, I was filled with a happiness I have never known.
But even that has been surpassed by the deep contentment I feel in living with you. I love holding you at night as we sleep, and seeing your smiling face across the breakfast table. I love when you come into my study in the middle of the day to bring me a cup of tea or just to say hello, smiling and tempting me with every step. I love how kind and loving you are to Georgiana, and our stimulating dinner conversations. I am impressed with the way you have learned all the servants’ names, down to the newest footman and lowliest maid, and you greet them each time you see them, and thank them for the smallest service.
You are a wonder and a joy and I delight in you daily. And at night…my love, how did I ever sleep without you? How did I go a single day without kissing you? I cannot fathom it. I have so many fond memories that they have quite pushed the drearier ones from my mind.
Remember how we had a picnic on the banks of the brook last month? And you laid out on the blanket so prettily for me? Just thinking about it sets a fire in me.
The dispute between Granger and Smith still requires my attention, but the moment these two old men stop being stubborn and a solution is settled upon, I will be on my way to join you. My trunk is packed and I shall be ready to depart at a moment’s notice.
Your loving husband,
F.D.
2 September, 1814
Hatfield Hall
My Dear Husband,
Jane is delivered of a baby boy! Her pains began yesterday afternoon, and she was finally delivered early this morning, just before the sun rose. They have named him Charles after his father. The poor dear is completely bald, with only the tiniest bit of fuzz atop his head. He is a dear, and has only cried twice since his birth, which everyone remarks on constantly. He seems a strong babe, and Jane is well.
Jane came through it all with her usual grace, but her serenity was nowhere to be seen by the fourth hour of her travail. My dear, I must tell you how frightening the whole thing was. I did not wish to alarm J, so I maintained as cheerful a demeanor as I could under the circumstances, but I was quite frightened for her. The midwife said her labors were a little long, but nothing out of the ordinary, and it was so difficult at the end because the babe required turning. His face was the wrong direction, apparently. The midwife was able to turn him, and Jane made the most ungodly sound as she did so.
I will admit only to you, my dear, that the entire thing was quite off-putting.
After watching Jane do as she did, well, let me simply say that I am more than a little frightened of the experience. Jane is the calmest woman I know, and even she was sobbing and screaming in pain at the end. I thought the pain would rip her in two. I cannot help but observe that she is larger than me and you are larger than Mr. Bingley. I shudder to think of the size of our babe…
My mother came through her confinements without much difficulty, or so we were told, but we were always sent to our aunt’s until the babes were safely delivered. For all I know, she screamed until Longbourn echoed with it.
Promise me we can wait a little longer? I know you have said you have no great need for children as yet, and I believe you, but when you see Charles with his son, you may change your mind. I just wanted you to know that I am not quite ready. Not yet. Jane is a full two years older than me, and she has just delivered her first. I think we would do well to wait until I am her age. What do you think? I am only three and twenty—there is more than enough time.
Listen to me carrying on! I sound ridiculous. Forgive me, my love. It has been a trying day. I shall try to sleep now. I will be less emotional in the morning.
3 Sept.
I feel much better for having slept a while, though I still do not wish for my own confinement any time soon.
I have just read your latest. I do remember that day by the brook. You quite scandalized me, in the most delicious way. I do hope no one saw us. It would not do for Mrs. Darcy of Pemberley to be seen undressed—with her chemise about her waist no less!—in the middle of a forest. You have quite corrupted me, Mr. Darcy. Whatever shall I do with you?
I long to see you, my love. Arrive soon! Your wife has need of you.
Yours,
