ESSENCE
Danteand I stayed in the bath until the water turned cold and our fingers and toes got wrinkly. Shortly after we got dressed, Dante’s captain called him and said he needed him at work for a few hours, so he gave me a quick, sweet kiss on the lips before leaving.
Fifteen minutes later, my clothes are finally dry. I pull them out of the dryer and start to get dressed, but I honestly prefer wearing Dante’s clothes. Bringing the collar of his t-shirt to my nose, I inhale the scent of him. I don’t quite know how to describe it, it just smells like him.
I spend the rest of the day with Lunchbox and impatiently wait for Dante to come home. He barely has anything to eat in the kitchen, so I take Lunchbox for a walk so we can find some place to get something to eat. I grab the spare key he told me was under the mat on the porch and lock the front door.
This neighborhood is so dreamy. It’s small and cozy and peaceful, and Lunchbox really likes it here, too. As we walk down the sidewalk, I picture the two of us raising our kids here and carving out the most perfect life together. I wish Leo was here, though…
A pang of sadness hurts my heart at the thought of him. I miss him so much. I’d contemplated going into his room to have a few minutes of silence in there, but I changed my mind out of respect for him and Dante.
It only takes a few minutes for us to leave the neighborhood. Once we’re out, I spot a little convenience store at the corner.
When we get there, I pick up Lunchbox and pop my head inside the store.
“Hi,” I politely greet the employee standing behind the counter. He’s an elderly man with silver hair, a matching mustache, and bifocals.
He smiles politely and greets me back. “Good afternoon, miss. Do you need help with something?”
“I just wanted to know if you allow dogs in here? My puppy here is still very attached to me and I’d hate to leave him out here by himself.”
Lunchbox is proof that dogs know exactly what we’re talking about because he turns the puppy dog eyes all the way up, pleading for the man to let him inside the store.
The man wrings his hands in contemplation. “Well…”
“I promise I’ll hold him the whole time. We walked all the way here so you won’t have to worry about him going to the bathroom on the floor.”
After a few more seconds, the man gives in and waves us inside. “Please make it quick, miss. My boss really doesn’t like animals in the store.”
I nod emphatically. “I understand—” I pause to read the name etched into his name tag. “Walter. Thank you so much.”
Shopping while holding a puppy isn’t easy, but I do my best to get what I need quickly so Walter doesn’t get in trouble. He reminds me a lot of my own grandfather, and it makes me sad to see him working at this age.
Once I’m done, I take everything to the cash register to check out. Walter and I make small talk as he scans and bags my items, and then Lunchbox and I say goodbye. It’s starting to get dark out, so we speed walk back home.
I mean… to Dante’s house.
It’s kind of crazy that I already see his place as home, but to me it certainly feels like it.
I sigh as my mind starts to go back to Evan. I know I shouldn’t be thinking about him right now, but it’s so hard not to considering we were together for so long.
When I get back to Dante’s house, I remember that my bike is in the garage and decide to go back home to grab a few things. Even though Dante has already said he’d get my belongings tomorrow, who knows how long he’ll be at work; he’s already been gone most of the day now. I’ll have to start getting used to life with a first responder and the unpredictability of his schedule.
My hands start to shake as I pour some dog food into the little bowl Dante left for Lunchbox to use, and I fill the other one with water. I nervously pick at the sandwich I got from the store and eat a few chips before I decide to save everything for later. The thought of seeing Evan again terrifies me, but I need some closure.
I send Dante a quick text so he knows where I am, then I shove my phone into my pocket.
After making sure Lunchbox is good, I put on one of Dante’s jackets—probably not the best idea to put on another man’s jacket when I’m on my way to say goodbye to my ex, but here we are—hop on my bike, and head back home.
Thirty minutes later, I pull up to the front of my house.
Evan’shouse. After everything that happened this morning, I don’t claim this place anymore.
My heart is racing double time in my chest as I get off the bike and walk up the front porch steps. The front door is sealed off with wooden boards and rusty nails that Evan must have done himself, and for a moment, I consider chickening out and going back to Dante’s house, but the sound of footsteps on the grass has me rooted in place.
“You came back.”
For the first time in the two years we’ve been together, his voice is soft, almost yearning.
