Nic didn’t deny it.“Because I’m a SEAL.We don’t run to our deaths, and me and you”—he waved a finger between them—“going into that house alone, that’s what we’d be doing.”
“Were you ever going to go in there with me?”
“Not if I could stop you.”
Garrett pushed off the rail, pacing the tiny balcony in front of Nic.“Everything Mom and I have done since we left has been for her.”
Guilt walloped Nic, crashing over him like the waves pounding the beach below.“I’m sorry you had to do that alone.”
“I’m not.”
The waves rolled him under, the riptide dragging him out to sea.It had always been his worst nightmare as a SEAL.Something his teammates couldn’t save him from, the ocean bigger than all of them.
Just like his past, inescapable.
“Do I wish you’d been there?”Garrett carried on.“Yes.Do I know you couldn’t be there?Yes.If Curtis would have known too soon...”
“He might have come for her.”Air was hard to come by, a flood of regret filling his lungs.He braced his elbows on his knees, head held in his hands.“Since I didn’t live up to his expectations.”
“That is the most absurd thing you’ve ever said.Salutatorian, Navy SEAL, JAG Captain.Dude, you’re a fucking legend, even in the Corps.”
Nic dropped his arms, letting his hands hang between his knees, eyes drifting back out to sea.“I am not.”
Shadow shifting, Garrett crouched in front of him, forcing his gaze.“Do you know how hard it was to keep my mouth shut when I heard the stories?To not tell them every bit of it was true?That I loved you.”
Nic’s heart leaped into his throat at the same time his stomach hit the floor.“Garrett, that’s not?—”
He laid a hand on his knee.“Loved, Nic.And a part of me always will, but I’m not the same boy I was, and you’re a man in love with someone else.A good man.”He squeezed his knee, then fell into the chair beside him.“We share a sister.You’re family.”
How many times had Nic heard that the past year?And just as he was starting to believe it, he felt like he was letting them down, at risk of losing them all with one wrong step.Had he already made it?Chasing after Garrett—trying to protect him and Lette—at the expense of the grand jury hearing?Not to mention all the wrong steps he’d taken in the past.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more for you,” Garrett said.“We had a life—a good one—because of you.”
“But what about the life you gave up?Your football scholarship, Victoria’s business, the only home you’d ever known.Maybe if I’d made different, better decisions and held myself back from loving you, you and Victoria wouldn’t have had to start over.”
Garrett reached out and grasped his wrist.“Then you wouldn’t have loved us enough to let us go.To save us.”
“I need you to know I never forgot you.That I’m this person who fights because of you.”Shaking off his hold, Nic stood.“That I’m sorry even if you say I don’t need to be.”
Garrett stood, clasping his shoulder.“I know that.”
Yes, but he needed Garrett to really understand it.To know Nic had lived with it every day.That he’d used the past to try and be a better man in the present.He needed to give Garrett what was his so they could all move into the future, hopefully as a family, assuming they survived the next twenty-four hours.Unzipping Cam’s camo jacket that he’d grabbed from the truck last night, he tossed it on the balcony rail, then reached for the hem of his black Gravity tee.
Garrett shot out a hand, stopping him.“Nic, what?—”
“Please,” Nic said, voice hoarse.“There’s something I need to show you.”
Nic held his gaze until Garrett lowered his hand and stepped back.“Will you at least come inside where it’s warm?”
No, he needed to do this out here in the cold bright light of day, and where, despite how much he hated the sand, the crashing waves could drown his guilt and regret and carry them out to sea.He tugged the shirt off over his head, and Garrett gasped at the tattoos on his front.Before he could ask about those, Nic turned, and Garrett’s sharp inhale died on a choked half sob.Nic braced his hands on the balcony rail, inviting a closer look.“I never forgot, G.”
Cold fingertips touched his back, at first tracing the GS, then fanning out over the cypress branches.Nic shuddered, not with desire but with such profound relief he had to clutch the rail to remain standing.It wasn’t just the waves washing him clean.It was giving Garrett a part of what belonged to him.A part of Nic’s past that he needed to give to its owner so he could move on.So he could answer the phantom tingling on his left hip that grew stronger every day.
Garrett’s hands disappeared with a soft “Thank you,” followed by an unexpected laugh.
Nic turned, tossed his T-shirt inside, and shrugged into Cam’s jacket, zipping it up halfway.“What’s funny?”
Garrett smiled, both sweet and sly, like Nic remembered so fondly from their childhood.“I do regret we never got that dance.”
