“She was going to be thrilled today no matter what. She just wants to marry him and the rest is irrelevant to her.”
“I guess that’s how you’re supposed to feel,” he says, running a hand through his hair, avoiding my eyes.
I force a smile. “Better go get Kelsey her coffee.”
This is the last day I’ll see Elijah for years, probably. It’s ending on such a bittersweet note.
My bridesmaid’sdress is lavender silk, crossing over the bodice, wrapped around the waist, with a long slit up the front, accompanied by stunning four-inch lavender stilettos. They’ll look good in photos, but I’m not sure I’ll be making it through the entire wedding reception and after-party in them—my feetalreadyhurt. Our hair and makeup is done, and it’s only when we’re assured that Hawk has been ushered inside that we go to the front porch to take photos with the bride, who is incandescent in an ivory satin gown that clings to her curves.
Shortly thereafter, it’s time. Everyone is seated out back, heads craning toward the house as the music begins. The wedding coordinator sends us all to line up just inside the French glass doors.
Aiden, the best man, steps up beside me. His gaze drops to the shoes. “Those are gonna be fun to walk across the grass in.”
“I was sort of hoping you could just subtly carry me to the altar,” I suggest, and he smiles, but it fades when he glances over my shoulder.
“I’ll come back for you in a second,” he says, walking away just as Elijah approaches, delicious in a black tux and crisp white shirt.
His gaze sweeps over me. “Holy shit,” he says, running his palm over his face. “I’m going to kill my sister.”
“That’s flattering.”
He reaches out, his hand grazing my hip for a half-second before it falls away, as if he’s just remembered we’re in public. “You look amazing. I just don’t want everyone staring at you.” His eyes darken on Aiden, standing a few feet behind me.
Does he not realize that every time he acts possessive and jealous, every time he tells me I’m beautiful, every time he crosses a patio toward me with all that fucking longing on his face, he’s making me hope for something that isn’t going to happen?
He’s old enough to know better, and I am too.
“Stop doing that,” I tell him, moving away. “It isn’t fair.”
The wedding planner announces it’s time and the processional begins. Elijah links his arm through Judy’s and starts down the aisle, followed by Aiden with Bridget.
“Swear to me I’m not wearing too much makeup,” Kelsey whispers.
“Too muchis kind of subjective,” I begin, and she punches my shoulder. “You look beautiful, and it’s perfect.”
“It’s so weird that you two didn’t wind up together,” she says as Elijah walks back toward us.
“Yeah.” She doesn’t know the half of it. I throw my arms around her before crossing to where Aiden waits. “This is it. I love you.”
“Love you more,” she replies. Her eyes are bright with tears, but they’re the happy kind.
Birds are chirping as I start down an amethyst carpet leading to the altar. Aiden and I separate and I turn to watch Kelsey and Elijah walk down the aisle. Tears threaten. I grip my bouquet tight, wishing them away.
These are my oldest friends, the people I love most in the world. I have known Elijah since he was a skinny preteen who argued with his mom constantly about haircuts and teeth brushing.
I’ve known Kelsey since she was a seven-year-old with two missing front teeth. We’ve all grown up, and childhood is behind us. I’m not even sure how or when it happened.
We got more than we asked for in some ways—Kelsey could never have dreamed up Hawk, and I sure never thought I’d wind up getting a couple advanced degrees.
But we didn’t get everything we asked for, either.
Elijah places Kelsey’s hand in Hawk’s and moves to stand with the rest of the groomsmen, his gaze once again on me.
For so much of my life, I thought it was going to be us up here together, and there is a piece of me that still doesn’t understand why it can’t happen, why he can’t care enough about me to take us all the way. I’m just romantic enough to believe that when two people love each other, they find a way to make it work. But I guess that’s it, isn’t it? He’s attracted to me and maybe he loves me as a friend. But whatever it is that he feels, it isn’t quite enough.
Kelsey and Hawk say their vows, and it seems as if the service has barely begun when they are being pronounced man and wife. Kelsey turns toward the crowd, raising her flowers in the air like a trophy, before she turns to Hawk and he lifts her into his arms to kiss her. Kelsey didn’t need any aspect of this big princess wedding, but I’m so glad she got it anyway.
We follow her around the corner to do photos. Just as the bridal party is dismissed, Kelsey pulls me aside. “I have a little surprise waiting at your table.”
