Easton gives me a look that is mildly amused and also says,I’m definitely not calling 911 for her, then returns to her seat.
I drive to my grandma’s favorite waterfront restaurant, hoping it will improve her mood, while she and Betty openly discuss Easton.
“She’s a lovely girl,” Betty says quietly, “but not really his type. Too fancy. Are those really her lips or does she get them filled?”
Betty appears to be texting someone as she says it. I hope she’s not texting about Easton.
“She’s not as pretty as she thinks she is,” says my grandmother. “And they’re not actually dating, thank God.”
Easton stares out the window, but her jaw is grinding.Super.
“Are you sure?” Betty whispers. But it’s a loud whisper. “They’re staying in the same house, aren’t they?”
“You realize we can hear you, yes?” I ask, glaring in the rearview mirror.
“They’re pretending to date to make Easton’s ex jealous,” says my grandmother in an even louder whisper. “He ended things on their anniversary.Shethought he was proposing.”
“Ooof,” says Betty. “Why’s she even want him back, then?”
Fair question, Betty. Have wondered myself. Will allow it.
“Rich. What else?” chirps my grandmother, at which point, I’ve had it.
“Grandma,” I growl, “Easton’s given up a lot to be here, and we can hear every word. Stop talking shit about her.”
“No, don’t stop her now,” Easton says. “She’s basically said I’m not pretty enough, thanked God for the fact that we’re notdating, and then implied that I’m a gold digger. Surely she’s nearly done.”
My grandmother snorts. “I’ve got more, believe me.”
Jesus. If there really is a medical emergency, I won’t blame Easton if she throws my phone into the ocean and walks away.
“So why do you want him?” asks Betty, leaning forward until her head is between our seats.
Easton’s shoulders sag. “We’ve been together a long time, and he just got cold feet. It’s not a big deal.”
“I know exactly what we’re going to do, then,” replies Betty. “Not to brag, but I’ve successfully manipulated men for the past seventy years.”
I’m not sure it’s the flex she thinks it is.
“Leave it to me. Oh, and what’s this young man’s Instagram handle? I’m going to drop into his DMs and let him know I saw you.”
Easton shoots a look at me. A look that says,I thought you said they were too old to know about DMs.
“I think Easton would prefer to go for subtlety with this, Betty,” I say gently.
“If she wanted to be subtle,” says my grandmother, “she wouldn’t be wearing all that makeup.”
This whole fucking thing is going about as well as I expected.
12
EASTON
The restaurant is lovely.
Mrs. Cabot is not.
While her friend Betty keeps trying to get a good photo of me and Elijah with her iPhone, making us clink our glasses together and suggesting we do things like feed each other or eat the same piece of linguine from opposite ends,Lady and the Trampstyle, Mrs. Cabot is saying that “no reasonable person” could believe Elijah would date me and explaining to Betty that I’m “not even a real doctor.”
