“I know it’s your job,” I said, nodding slowly with a chuckle, “but fuck that job. You damn near died doing your job once already. You want me to let you do that shit again? I can’t promise you that, Lo. I can’t.”
Her mouth opened, trying to find some defense, but there wasn’t one. There was no excuse for her not taking care of herself. Her voice cracked. “I was just tired. It’s not that serious. Don’t do that. Don’t make me choose.”
“And tired gets people killed,” I said quietly. “I know you tough. I know you’re strong. Baby, I love that about you. But you don’t get extra points for killing yourself. Fuck you on?”
“I wasn’t trying to kill myself but…”
“But what, Lo?” I asked. “Look, I’mma get the doctor back in here. Because I’m not feeling you caring more about your job than you care about yourself. You could die today, and they’d have yo’ ass replaced tomorrow.”
She narrowed her eyes, clearly offended. “Or is this about caring more about my job over you?”
“Shit, it might be,” I said, honesty slipping out before I could catch it. “I’ve grown into a selfish ass nigga when it comes to you. You ain’t even gotta work, but I’ve been cooling, letting you move how you move. I gotta draw a line somewhere before I lose you, too.”
“I’m not her,” she whispered, words slipping out even though she didn’t want to go there.
I looked dead in her eyes and scoffed, brushing a hand down my face, gripping my beard, trying to keep myself level-headed, but she was really blowing me. I don’t know what I expected when she got up but it wasn’t this.
“You damn right you not,” I said. “Devyn was the love I survived. You the love I’d die for. Halo, I’m a very different nigga now. Don’t try me like that.”
She blinked, thrown by how sharp that truth landed. I shook my head. She didn’t get it. She didn’t get what that meant for me. She didn’t get how deep she cut when she said that shit.
“Look at me.” I waited until she met my stare.
“I know exactly who you are,” I went on. “And who you not. Think about the last time you drove yourself anywhere. Think about the last time you had to watch your own back. I got motion-sensor lights all through the house for you. The dark won’t even touch you fucking with me. I’m not playing about you, Halo.”
“Vinny—”
“Nah, you gonna hear this.” I stepped closer, making sure she couldn’t look anywhere but at me. “You not her replacement. You not her shadow. Younot the second choice. You MY choice. The only choice. And when you say shit like that, you're not just disrespecting yourself—you're disrespecting US.”
“Okay, DaVinci, okay.”
The tears in her eyes made me feel like shit, but I was frustrated. She was so stubborn. She was my heart outside of my body, and I had a right to feel some type of way. And I hated that this felt like our first argument.
“I’m going to get some air,” I said, cutting her off before my trauma finished the sentence for me. “The doctor is coming in. I’ll be back.”
I didn’t give her space to respond. I couldn’t.
My trauma was loud as hell, talking over me, talking for me, and she wasn’t the only one catching the heat. Fear had both of us in a chokehold. The room felt too small, the moment too tight, like everything I’d survived before was trying to squeeze its way into this one.
I needed air. Fast.
The doctor headed back toward her room as I walked out of the ER doors. It had started to warm up outside, and I was thankful for the breeze, because right now I was the fire that needed to be put out.
Malik was still there, posted up on the wall. I appreciated the way his hand landed on my shoulder like he’d just been waiting on me to crack.
“Bruh, listen to me, you gotta chill, aight. We know what we signed up for. The same thing we love about our women is the same shit that causes tension.”
“How you know how I feel? She cares more about that job than anything else. If they gave a damn about her, they wouldn’t have had her killing herself.”
He scoffed. “Shit, Halo fucked up, but Sametra had me ready to eliminate that whole fucking station. During our little break, she called herself pregnant with my baby, still fighting fires. I saw that shit on the news and lost my mind. Pulled right up on her ass. So I definitely know how you feel.”
“Nah, not MiMi,” I chuckled, shoulders releasing some of the tension.
“Yeah, MiMi,” he said. “Yours and mine are one and the same. They still need us to show them why it’s safe to chill and think about different shit. You can’t just tell her to sit down. You gotta make sitting down feel like her decision and an option that won’t backfire.”
“I have though. Lo can have whatever from me.”
“And then what?” he asked, just as Omni walked up.
