“I let a dog die.” The words tumble out fast. She grabs Mr. Twinkle Mao, her giant stuffed cat, clutching it to her chest and hides behind it until I gently take her chin and lift her face. Her cheeks burn, eyes downcast. “Look at me, Marshall.”
“I can’t.”
I brush her cheek with the back of my hand. “Why not? Am I that ugly?” I ask to make her laugh but she doesn’t smile.
“I’m horrible. Stupid.”
“That’s not true.”
“Can you... give me a bear-hug?” she whisper.
I can’t help but smile. “You don’t have to ask me for a bear-hug, Marshall. Come here.”
She lights up and dives into my arms. We tumble back onto her pillows, her face buried in my shirt and her arms tight around my chest. I hold her close, stroking her hair.
“It’s okay. Shh. It’s okay.”
She sobs silently, fists clenched in my shirt. “I... I was doing groceries shopping and there was a woman crying... No one helped her. So I did, but she only spoke in french. She tried to talk to me for ten minutes, but I couldn’t understand. I wanted to use Google transalte but I’d left my phone in the car. I tried to tell her that we could’ve used Maggie’s car to go wherever she wanted... But she grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the supermarket. We walked twenty minutes until we reached analley.” Nova’s voice cracks. “There was a dog. Skin and bones. Dying. She wanted me to help her dog, but I couldn’t explain myself. I picked up the dog and I started running back toward the parking lot, but... the dog was breathing so hard. I wanted to get him to Dr. Schmidt. He was just a little Chihuahua. I ran, and ran, but... If only I’d learned French. That poor dog died because of me.”
She buries her face in my chest.
“No. He didn’t die because of you. You tried. That dog was already sick.”
It won’t heal her, but she needs to hear it.
“I want to cry but I feel guilty. Like I make small problems into big ones. Like I steal other people’s pain and call it my own. The dog wasn’t even mine. And you—you have bigger problems. I shouldn’t have called you. Or Steven. Two months before surgery, and I called him about a dying dog—”
I hold her tighter, her face buried in my neck with my heart hammering against my ribs. “Let it out, Nova. You’re not selfish. Cry if it hurts.”
“You think the dog’s okay now?”
I smile softly. “In dog heaven? Sure. Endless bones. Toys. Glitter everywhere.”
Her lips twitch upward. “You sound like me.”
We stay tangled in her bed, time slipping away. Then she whispers, “No teacher wants me for the internship.”
The words freeze Maggie in the doorway, who just made her way in with a bowl of chips in her hands. Her face falls and she just stares at Nova.
Confusion churns inside me. I thought she had been accepted. That’s what she told Steven. A lie.
Nova lifts her head, smiling like nothing’s wrong. I don’t know where she finds that strength. “Oh, hey. I’ll come and help you now.”
Maggie sets the bowl down on her desk and walks to her. “I just thoug—”
Nova scoots away from me and sits cross-legged on her bed. Fleur climbs onto her lap, licking her hand while she just stares at the floor. “I failed every single exam in June. And if I don’t get an internship, I’ll have to repeat the year. But none of the teachers want me in their group ‘cause my grades aren’t good enough. Mr. Turner even asked me what the hell I’m doing in college if I can’t pass the easiest exams. I’m supposed to graduate next year.”
Maggie’s eyes flash red. I get her anger. I’m not the type to lose my shit, but right now my blood’s boiling. That asshole deserves a lesson.
Maggie kneels in front of her. “Did that asshole say that to you? Is he the reason you’ve been studying till morning? He has no right to say that shit. You should tell him to go fuck—”
Nova forces a smile, pulling Maggie up with her. “It’s okay. He’s right. I’ll repeat the year if I have to. It’s nothing irreparable. Let’s just clean the house. I start work at six.”
I rise too. “I’ll help.”
Maggie shoots me a look. “You know how to fold laundry?”
I nod.
