“I have to go, Nova,” he murmurs, his words like an icy shower.
“What?”
“I-I... I can’t stay here anymore. Not now. I can’t go on like this, you understand?”
I nod and lie down beside him, wrapping him in my arms.
“Remember when I told you my parents thought about enrolling me in a rehabilitation center?”
“Yes,” I whisper, stroking his hair.
Vincent clings to me tighter, hiding his face in my chest. “It’s in Pennsylvania.”
“And you’ve decided to go there?” I ask.
He nods. “I lost control today. I can’t keep living like this. I’m leaving in two weeks. Daniel already called Dr. Jenkins, and they’re arranging my admission. I don’t know how long I’ll be there, or how long I’ll be gone. I just know I need to be surrounded by nature, and I need to focus completely on my mental health... I’m sorry.”
“Are you leaving because you’ve decided you want to save yourself? Because you want to take care of yourself, Cooper?”
“Nova, I—”
“Answer me.”
He pulls back slightly to look into my eyes. “I know what you’re trying to make me say, but I wouldn’t keep you waiting that long. I don’t even know how long I’ll be away. I can’t do that to you.”
“I want to wait for you.”
“Nova.”
I cover his mouth to hush him. “You have to stop choosing for both of us. I know what you did back in high school. I know you stepped aside to give Steve a chance, but let me say one thing before you say no. I will wait for you, Vincent Cooper, whether you want me to or not. And when you come back to me, we’ll have the epic love story of the century. Besides, we have a kitten to raise together. We’re parents now.”
“Nova, enough.”
I sigh. “Okay, Cooper. You know what? If you want to throw it all in the trash again, then fine—do it. Push me away, shut me out. But don’t fool yourself into thinking you can erase us. You’ll never get rid of me, of us, because I can’t get rid of you either. This story’s going to haunt you forever. Do you want to know why? Because you’re the one who put my voice on the song that made you go viral. And you haunt me too. Your voice, your stupid songs, your face plastered everywhere I look. I can’t open Instagram or whatever app on my phone because everyone’s talking about the new Kurt Cobain of 2000s! I can avoid a song—sure, I can turn it off, walk away, shut my ears. But I can’t avoid what’s in here. I can’t push you out of my heart. That’s the real problem. It’s not the music, it’s not the memories—it’s love. And I’m so damn tired of pretending I’m not in love with you.”
“Nova, just stop.” He pleads.
“What, now? Not even that was enough to convince you?” I raise my voice.
“Don’t you realize we’ve become co-dependent? In fact, we always have been! I always believed you were the reason I needed to heal. I thought I had to get better just to be a better man for you. But I’ve realized that if I want to be better for you, I have to be better for myself first. I can’t leave with the thought of you waiting for me because I won’t stop thinking about you. It isn’t right.”
I don’t answer. Instead, I reach for the bowl of soup on the nightstand. Steam curls faintly upward, carrying the smell of chicken and herbs. My hands shake a little as I scoop up the first spoonful, the silver tapping softly against the porcelain.
“It’s chicken soup, Nova,” he says, his voice raspy but still trying for sarcasm. “I know you can’t stand the smell of meat. You don’t have to do this.”
“Open up,” I murmur, blowing across the spoon.
He hesitates, eyes flicking from the spoon to my face. I can see the walls going up behind his eyes—then the tiniest crack as his lips part. He takes the first mouthful. His throat works as he swallows.
“You’re always so bossy,” he mutters.
“You’re always so stubborn,” I shoot back, dipping the spoon again. “And you’re going to eat every bit of this, even if I have to hold your nose to make you.”
A ghost of a smile tugs at his mouth, and for a moment I see the boy I’ve always known, not the man drowning under the weight of everything. “Nova... I’m not a kid.”
“I still want to take care of you.” I hold the next spoonful to his lips. “Now stop talking and eat.”
He obeys, eyes fixed on me the whole time. His gaze is heavy, searching, like he’s trying to memorize my face. “You know,” hesays quietly between bites, “even now, you’re still the loveliest thing I’ve ever seen.”
