And me? I can’t be anything but her best friend. I don’t deserve more than that. Not when my own mind’s a battlefield. Not when I drown in antidepressants, skip therapy, and secretly wonder if I’m doomed to end up like my father. She deserves stability, someone whole. Not me—never me. Still... my chest aches every time I look at her.
"We’re done." Jonah finally pulls the needle away and Nova instantly bolts upright, sitting cross-legged, petrol green boots poking out from under her flared jeans.
"What’s it like?" she asks eagerly, twisting her torso to see the tattoo.
A small dog’s paw print now rests inked against her skin.
I snap a picture for her with my phone so she doesn’t break her spine trying. She stares at it silently, adjusts her top, and gets up.
She pays Jonah, listens halfheartedly to the aftercare instructions, and smiles her too-bright smile—the one that’s more armor than joy.
She acts as if nothing happened, as if she hasn’t been waiting for news about her brother for months, as if she doesn’t care how Steven’s doing after the surgery.
On Will’s birthday, she showed up with a T-shirt for him, with the Superman logo printed on it and a funny phrase.
She spent the evening dancing and pretending everything was fine, even though Fleur had died only a few weeks earlier.
Every now and then she drifts off into her thoughts with a blank look on her face. She doesn’t go to the shelter anymoreto bring food to the dogs, and she doesn’t go running with Sam either, pretending it’s just because she has too many things to do.
I know it’s her way of coping with pain, and I know I have no right to judge her considering the way I deal with what hurts me, but the way she’s acting’s not good for her. It’ll come the day when she won’t be able to take it anymore, and she’ll have a breakdown.
And the same goes for Steven. He’s going through a really rough time, and soon it’ll also be the anniversary of his grandmother’s death. And yet, he acts like everything is fine. Even though he’s supposed to rest for another two weeks to recover, last week he reopened the bakery and has been working nonstop. If he keeps this up, he’s only going to hurt himself.
It’s raining lightly as we get out of the tattoo studio. Normally, Nova would drag me into the street to dance. But today she just walks toward the car.
"Want to get a cheesecake?" I ask, hoping to coax some spark from her but she shakes her head. "I’m not hungry. But if you want—"
"I don’t. I just thought it might cheer you up."
She stops dead in the rain. "It’s okay, Cooper."
"Is it?"
"I don’t know."
I sigh, take off my jacket and drape it over her head. "Then let’s watch The O.C. in Sam’s car. I’ll get cheesecake and you can steal half like always when I don’t want to eat it anymore.”
She doesn’t answer me, but pulls her jacket over her head and slips it on. She takes my hand again and starts walking toward my roommate’s car.
Every now and then I catch her legs giving in to a little hop or dance step, and I can’t help but smile.
I stop to pull her new MP3 player out of my backpack along with my headphones. I hand her one earbud, which she slips into her ear. I do the same and plug the cord into the MP3.
I scroll through the songs in the music library and pick one. The notes ofCrazy In Loveby Beyoncé and JAY-Z start playing, painting a faint smile on my best friend’s lips.
“Oh, no. Not now.” she quickly stops me, taking the earbud out.
I smirk. “I know you want to.”
“Not here!”
“Come on,” I urge her.
She shoots me an uncertain look. “Vincent...”
“Since when has doing something fun in front of people ever scared you? Everyone’s leaving anyway, come on! Last time you did it in front of the whole school.”
My Nova would do the most embarrassing thing in front of a whole crowd if it meant having fun. Okay, maybe this isactuallyembarrassing, what she’s about to do, but with the mood she’s in, this is one of the only things that can unlock even the slightest trace of a genuine smile. I know it.
