where the curvature of your spine is bent, and the weight of my guitar has made it worse. I'm always in pain, and
that adds to the anger in our music."
Kurt Cobain
––––––––
I’ve been trying to find Asher for three weeks, but nothing. Sam even hired a computer genius to trace the number that called me last month, but nothing. My mother won’t answer my calls or texts. It’s obvious now: she never gave Asher my number and never cared enough to remind him that I even exist.
I keep telling myself I’ll work up the courage to talk to Steven, but the right moment never comes. Maybe between Vincent andme, the real coward is me. Vincent has already leapt—posting covers on the YouTube channel Sam runs for him, “Vincent Cooper Official.” Sam bought him a camera, professional microphones, even pays an editor.
Vincent posts Nirvana covers, his latest beingAbout a Girl. He doesn’t let Sam promote it on Twitter, because he wants to make it on his own.
A bit of visibility would be really useful, even though I understand why he made that decision—and so does Sam.
Maggie and Max were the first to agree with him. Will and Aurora were just happy he’d finally decided to take music seriously, and Steven gave him a look that only Vincent understood.
I’m so proud of him, and I feel like this time there’s going to be a real breakthrough for him.
I feel it in my veins, in my heart. The moment of Vincent Cooper’s artistic revolution has come.
Me, on the other hand... well... I need to figure out how to break up with my boyfriend, track down my brother who seems to hate me, and decide what the hell I’m going to do with my life.
Mr. Turner keeps emailing me to set up a meeting about the internship, and I don’t understand why he’s being so insistent. My grades are way too low to even qualify for the internship, and without it, I can’t enroll for the classes I have to attend if I want to graduate with Sam next year.
I’m already late, since Sam has finished his internship, enrolled, paid his first tuition fee, and already started classes.
If I wanted to enroll now, in mid-September, to start the October courses, I’d have to pay an extra late fee, and I just can’t afford it. Whichever path I choose, it feels like I’m sinking deeper into quicksand. My hands are tied, and I don’t know what to do.
I feel like college’s not the right path for me anymore—and maybe it never was. But no judge is ever going to give custody of a twelve-year-old to someone working as a waitress for scraps, living with a roommate.
I need a real job if I want any chance of getting custody of Asher, even though I’m no longer so sure he even wants to be with me.
I could pour my trust fund into building the animal shelter I’ve dreamed of my whole life, but that dream is built on land, permits, sponsors—things I don’t have.
I don’t know which way to move without falling into the void.
“Nova? Babe? Hey!”
Steven’s voice pulls me back to reality. He’s on my bed, the book we’re supposed to be reading open on his thighs.
“Hmh? What?” I force a smile.
“You were gone for a while,” he chuckles, brushing hair from my face.
“Sorry. I just... I have a lot on my mind. What chapter are you on?”
“I finished it.”
“Oh—when?”
He kisses the base of my neck. “Half an hour ago.”
I glance at my book, which is still on chapter five, and guilt burns in my chest. “Sorry.”
Steven cups my face. “It’s okay, babe. We can read something else.”
I slide off the bed and i start tidying my desk. “Yeah, I know, I’m just—sorry, Steve.”
