“I am not a ghost.”
“They won’t care!”
He grumbles something in his native tongue, but follows. I lead him to my rusty old pickup—thankGodfor the extended cab—and pop the tailgate.
“You’re kidding,” he says, staring at the bed.
“Nope. Get in.”
“I am a warrior of the?—”
“You’re a six-foot-five green man with tusks and no shirt. Get. In.”
He eyes me, then the bed, then me again.
“Fine,” he grumbles, hoisting himself in like a disgruntled gorilla. “But this is not dignified.”
“Neither was kissing me with zero context.”
He doesn’t respond. Just folds his arms across his massive chest and sulks.
I pull out of the alleyway, eyes darting in every mirror. Walnut Falls isn’t exactly a surveillance state, but if someone sees Shrek’s hotter cousin pouting in my truck bed, we’ll be trending again before sundown.
By the time we get to my cabin—a two-bedroom-and-a-loose-squirrel-hole nestled against the treeline—my nerves are shot.
“Get inside,” I hiss, unlocking the door and waving him in like he’s Dracula and I’ve just thrown open the crypt.
He ducks under the frame and instantly sniffs the air.
“You have cheese.”
“Yousmellthat?”
He ignores me, lumbers into the kitchen, and proceeds to empty the entire contents of my fridge like a linebacker on cheat day. Yogurt? Gone. Ham slices? Devoured. A Tupperware of questionable casserole? Disappeared without comment.
“Dude! Save some for the humans!”
He finishes chewing, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and says, “Your rations are... modest. But nourishing.”
“They’re forme!”
“I will replace them.”
“How? With what? Money?”
He doesn’t answer. Just grins.
We sit in awkward silence while I nurse a cup of tea and he examines every single object in my living room like it’s an alien artifact. The TV remote fascinates him. He presses buttons randomly and flinches when the screen lights up.
“This box showsvisions.”
“That’s basic cable.”
He turns to me, eyes glittering. “Your world is... strange. Loud. But you are brave.”
I arch a brow. “How do you figure?”
“You stood your ground. Twice now. Against beasts you cannot fight. You did not flee. That is the heart of a warrior.”
