It’s part of the reason I’m living in this room with roaches for a while. I need to get out of the city without him finding me, but I’ll still have the issue where he has everything – my passport, all my previous identification, my driver’s license and all the other shit he’s holding over my head.
If I go anywhere near that man again, he’ll kill me. Not only has he threatened to do it several times, the last time I saw him… he tried.
“What? Keyonah… Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. I mean… I’m fine. I have my health, Aricia.”
She didn’t just lose her husband. My brother’s affair made it to TMZ because he had a couple high profile clients on the Buffalo Bills. That shit was crazy and while I can’t fully confirm how much of it was exaggerated, Aricia is definitely above that type of thing. She has the energy of a fancy divorced aunty, nota hot mess. For a while, I really thought she and my brother had that ideal black love.
I convinced myself that if I stayed with Torrence, we would eventually get to that level. If I just helped him build. Unfortunately, the only thing that man built up was a tolerance for a special cocktail of Wellbutrin, Vyvanse, marijuana, and putting his hands in my wallet.
“Keyonah. You were my sister-in-law for years. I know your brother is no longer with us, but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone in the world.”
Does Aricia really mean that? My boujee family members don’t normally hold that type of space in their hearts. There was always a clear limit on their ability or desire to support me. I get it – I’ve made mistakes, I’m a mess, I’m maybe not the person they expect after a while because I just don’tfit inthat world.
“I’m not in a position to leave the state right now,” I say, stiffening my voice, even if it doesn’t feel good to withhold from her. I have to stay strong so I don’t worry her because my life is way more fucked up than I thought it would be at thirty-six years old.
She pauses, and I think we’re almost done with the call.
“What if I sent someone to come get you?”
What does she mean? I pause, because I don’t know how to respond.
“I have an Italian friend who can drive down to wherever you are and get you out… if you’re in a bad situation.”
Is this woman a mind-reader? I don’t know how to respond to her right now, but I also don’t know if I’m in a position to decline this help. It could be just what I need.
“I don’t come without baggage, Aricia.”
“I know,” she says gently. “But… I always thought of you as a little sister, Keyonah.”
I thought I could keep up a tough exterior. I don’t want help. I don’tneedhelp. I’m tired of being the screwed up younger sister who had to drop out of law school, especially when my brother was the valedictorian, wide receiver at a D1 university, and everything my parents wanted in a child.
They never wanted a girl and I wasn’t even a girl they felt like they could be proud of. I’ve tried to recover from my mistakes but…
“When do you need me to be ready? Since you’re sending somebody, I’ll be flexible.”
I don’t want to tell her that I don’t have a job anymore, but I don’t. Every time I get a job, Torrence eventually finds out. I got fired after he called 120 times a day every single day last week while I was out on vacation. And it wasn’t even a vacation because Micah got an RSV from pre-K.
I’m trying to ignore the fact that if Torrence already tracked down my job, my days are numbered before he finds my apartment again. You know your life is fucked up when your eviction isn’t even your biggest problem.
“How soon can you leave?”
Yesterday.
“Friday?”
It’s Wednesday night. Telling her I can move across state lines in less than forty-eight hours must be raising some red flags.
“Okay,” Aricia says with a calm voice that makes me feel like I’m somehow doing something wrong. “I’ll have my friend show up on Friday. Are you somewhere safe?”
I don’t know if she’s implying anything by that question, if there’s something I said that indicated my circumstances are less than safe. I don’t want her to panic.
“I’m fine. I’ll be fine until Friday.”
“Okay,” Aricia says. “I’ll text you the guy’s number once we hang up. You can trust him.”
I can’t trust anyone. But I have until Friday to find a secret weapon and a way to hide it just in case her friend sees my situation and decides to get funny with it.
