Of course he fucking did.
"This is your idea, isn't it?" I demanded. "One tree would have done. No, one tree would have been one too many. But thirteen? What the ever-loving hell, dude?”
"It's festive," he said like that explained everything. "That's the point of Christmas. Or have you forgotten?"
I grumbled. "I've been trying to forget."
Would anyone notice if I hid in my office for a week? Better yet, I could go somewhere Christmas couldn't find me. Except, if I tried, Ice would find me. And he'd drag Kennedy and Ares along with him. Not that Ares was any more into this bullshit than I was.
He stood at the end of the row of trees, scowling at them like he hoped they'd all spontaneously burst into flame.
If they were here one second after Christmas, they would burst into flames, but it wouldn't be spontaneous. It'd be because I set them on fire. I could always buy another house. Right?
Right, of course I could.
"Are they real?" I turned my head to the side and poked at one of the branches. Needles broke off and fluttered to the floor. "That's fucking great. These pricks are going to make a mess."
"A little bit of mess never hurt anyone," Ice said. He added, "Okay, that's not true. A little bit of mess hurt a lot of people. But not pine needles. I'm pretty sure they're mostly harmless."
"If they make a mess, it won't be pine needles you have to worry about," I growled. "It'll be the real kind."
His grin broadened. He was too fucking adorable for his own good or mine.
"I figured that was what you meant. It's an interesting threat, but it might hit better if I minded needles," he said.
"I'll think of something more painful than needles," I said darkly. "Like having dinner with Reuben."
"I don't mind Reuben," Ice said thoughtfully. "I mean, he's a man who knows what he wants. And how to get it. And you can't argue that he takes good care of his woman."
I shook my head at Ice. "It'd be much more fun to threaten you if you didn't enjoy all of it."
No matter how painful, boring or crappy, he'd find a way to spin it into something good. The guy was fucked up in the head. Most of the time, I liked that about him. Once in a while it was irritating.
"I didn't think you could disagree with me for long," he said cheerfully. "Don't tell me you don't like these trees a little."
"I hate these trees," I said. "Couldn't they have been black? With black balls hanging from them?"
"Real trees aren't black," he pointed out, helpfully. As helpful as someone could be when pointing out something I already knew. Something heknewI already knew.
He couldn't help being facetious. One day he'd poke the hornet's nest too hard and I'd bite back.
On the other hand, he'd enjoy that too.
"Black Christmas trees sound better," Ares said. "We could take these out and burn them." He started to reach for one of the trees.
"What are you doing?" Kennedy stepped into the corridor and gave us a collective frown.
"Taking out the trash.” Ares grabbed a branch, but she grabbed his wrist to stop him.
"We need those for the Christmas party. We have to make a good impression. People are going to see them when they walk through the door. Imagine how impressed they'll be."
She actually seemed sold on the idea, or maybe determined to impress. At least one of us had to be, I supposed. It might as well be her, since it wasn't going to be me.
"A pile of ashes can be impressive.” Ares dropped his hand to his thigh with a slap.
"We can do that after Christmas," she assured him. "If you want to take all of these out and burn them, I'm here for it. Make sure you take the decorations off first. We can reuse those next year."
I groaned. "You're thinking about next year already. We have to get through this one first."
