I decide that I like Miss Pink, AKA Shay. Kyle? He seems like a bit of a twit.
But Josh... Oh, he’s utter rubbish.
I slip back to the woodshed that adjoins the lodge and pick up a little something to help me scare the shit out of the piece of human refuse known as Josh.
“BABY? NIGEL?”
He’s gone.
I sit up on the air mattress, heart racing. I’m carefully tucked in, which is good, since the fire is low and I’m only in sheer black undies and a bra at this point.
“Nigel!” I call more loudly.
The house is empty.
My heart curls up in a protective ball.
He wouldn’t leave. He wouldn’t leave; he promised he wanted to be with me. He keeps his promises.
I take a deep breath and pull myself to my feet. My ankle feels better, but the space between my legs is tender and swollen from sex with my XXL new boyfriend.
Boyfriend. I would have liked a fiancé for Christmas, but I definitely traded up. I would take a Nigel over a Josh any day.
Walking cautiously through the house with a blanket wrapped around me, I freeze when I get to the big picture window. Mr. Fenclan’s decorated fake fir tree is in front of it, so I hide behind it, able to look out at the scene outside without being observed.
And what a sight it is.
Josh. Kyle. A woman who seems upset, who I think must be Shay.
Oh, hell no. They’re not staying here! This is my place. I wonder what Josh even did? Probably spent a couple of nights somewhere, waiting to meet up with Kyle. Now they’re together, and here they come to crap on my Christmas.
Voices are getting louder. Shay is staying back. Josh is pointing towards the door and walking towards the lodge. Kyle looks like a lost sheep in a black parka, stuck in the middle.
And then... I hear the strangest, most glorious combination of sounds—heavy power tools, galloping hooves, and a full-throated Geordie shout.
“Happy Christmas, fuckwads!”
I clasp my hands over my mouth and giggle as Nigel races out, a chainsaw buzzing in his hands as he swings it in wide swathes across the air in front of him.
“Be careful!” I gasp, but I’m only thinking about his safety. If he fillets Josh, I’d probably applaud.
“Who the fuck is that?” Shay screams, leaping back into the car.
Josh screams like a little girl and also tries to get back in the car, throwing his skis down and fleeing.
Nigel gets in his way, sawing off a side mirror with a maniacal laugh. “Hello, you wee little bastard! Come to prey on Briana’s peace, hmm?”
“Oh my God! He has pieces of Briana!” Kyle wails and starts running to Shay’s side of the car.
Nigel isn’t done. “You ever come near her again, and it’ll be your driver’s side arm I take off, not your wing mirror!” he slices the chainsaw perilously close to Josh’s chest, and Josh tries to scramble back over the hood of the car, a visible stain spreading down his light denim pants as he flails.
“He has Briana! He has Briana! Call 911!” Kyle is screaming and jumping.
Shay hauls him into the car with a groan and then locks the doors with an audible click.
“Oooh, stranded in the cold now, are we? Left alone and friendless, at the mercy of some stranger who might be a little dangerous?” Nigel taunts, still yelling while the chainsaw hums at a lower volume.
“What the fuck are you talking about? What business is it of yours if I... How’d you know about that?”
