I wanted to ask if he meant Rob’s dad, but I waited, letting him take his time to tell the story the way he wanted to tell it.
“My mom died while giving birth to Roy. My dad was… what you think of when people say ‘toxic masculinity.’ But my aunt and uncle–Rob’s, Colton’s and Boyd’s parents–looked out for us when we were kids. Or pups, as we say. They were the loving parents we wished we had.” He drew in another breath and released it. “When I was sixteen, they were killed in a terrible car crash in the canyon. Rob was young–just a couple of years older than I was. The leadership of the pack fell to him, as expected.”
I nodded, still lightly running my fingernails through the hair on his strong chest, trying to soothe away the pain I could read on his face. He was so warm beneath me.
“I was big already–I was this tall by middle school, and in high school I’d filled out. My asshole dad thought I should challenge Rob to be alpha.”
I raised my brows in surprise but, otherwise, didn’t interrupt, especially since I didn’t know what that exactly meant.
He sighed. “I know–it was ridiculous. My father was a selfish, scheming prick. I had no interest in leadership or in taking something away from the cousin who was like a brother to me, who’d actually been raised to take over and lead. I just wanted out of my house. I wanted to get away from my dad and his constant pressure on me to perform as an alpha male. To you, a human, that means being dominant and in charge, but an alpha of a wolf pack is that and more. He’s the leader, the one completely responsible for everyone’s wellbeing. Plus, he metes out justice, at least at pack level. He has to make decisions that sometimes aren’t positive or happy. I could’ve filled the role with my size, but that was it. It was in Rob to be alpha. He was born to follow his father. Mine believed my size made me born to lead, and that was why he was a dick. I wasn’t qualified.”
“Like forcing a square peg in a round hole?” I guessed.
The corner of his mouth tipped up. “Yeah, like that. Rob fit the role. I didn’t. I’d studied my ass off to graduate high school early and go to college. I’d already been accepted to Columbia. But my dad wouldn’t let up. For months, he was on me about it. Challenge, challenge, challenge. One night that summer, he pushed me too far, and we fought. Not verbally but physically. I didn’t mean to challenge him for dominance–it just happened.”
I had no idea what challenge for dominance meant, but Boone’s eyes had lost their focus, and his expression looked sickened. Whatever he did, he regretted it to this day.
“What happened?” I whispered.
I watched guilt wash over Boone’s face. “It was bad.” He swallowed.
I waited, but he didn’t go on.
“How bad?”
His hands settled on my hips, his thumbs stroking my skin, but I doubted he even knew he was doing it. “A fucking bloodbath. I mean–my wolf didn’t kill my father, but it was close.”
When he saw my look of alarm, he quickly amended, “Shifters heal fast, though. He was fine. But Roy and Ace, my other younger brother, were totally traumatized. I–” He stopped speaking, like the words had choked him. “I left. The pack, the state. I probably should’ve stayed. For them. But I’d almost beaten my father to death. I figured with me gone, the threat to everyone would be gone, too. Also, it would be better for Rob trying to run the pack at a young age, and for peace in the family if I left town and stayed gone. I didn’t want to be the violent one everyone was worried about erupting again.
“So I went to college, and then I stayed in New York after I got my degree. I told myself I was allowing Rob the space to secure his leadership. Later, I told myself working as a hedge fund manager was about making money for the family, and I did make money. A ton of it. That’s how we started the tree farm and bought all this land back from the bank.”
My hands stilled and one rested over his heart. I felt the slow beat of it beneath my palm. “Were your brothers in danger?”
The pain in Boone’s expression gutted me.
I cradled his face and stroked his silky beard with my thumbs.
He shook his head but wouldn’t meet my eyes. “No… not physical danger. But our dad was a narcissist–so they didn’t get the support they deserved. Fortunately, Rob didn’t oust them from the pack or remove his protection, even though he had to know my dad had been scheming for his position. But Roy and Ace lost the love and stability of our aunt and uncle when they died, and Rob wasn’t equipped to be a surrogate parent for them anymore than I was. Things came to a head five years after I left when my dad tried to get Ace to challenge Rob. Ace had no interest, never even considered the role. He wasn’t the first-born of our family, and Rob has two younger brothers. If anyone was going to replace Rob, it’d be Colton then Boyd. Because of this attempt, Rob banished him from the pack.”
My eyes widened. Who knew there was so much drama in a wolf pack? I guessed people who knew wolf packs existed in the first place.
“He banished Ace?”
“No, my dad, not Roy and Ace. Our dad left the state. Last we heard, he was in a pack in Arkansas. That was the best thing that could’ve happened, really, because my brothers stayed and finally had their freedom.”
“They live up here on the mountain, too, right?” I remembered what he said. One of them was a woodworker, and the other had a Christmas tree farm.
He nodded.
“Is that when you came home? When your dad was banished?”
Boone grimaced. “I should have but no.”
“What brought you back?”
“Some more trouble. Not here at the pack but in New York.” I sensed Boone close off, like he didn’t want to tell me any more. It hurt to be pushed away, especially when he had just opened up so well.
I tried to keep the connection open. “You may have been big and smart, but you were still just a kid when you left. Sixteen is young to go to college, especially one in New York after living in Cooper Valley. You can’t be blamed for your dad’s shitty parenting or for not wanting to stay and somehow make things better for your brothers. I imagine you were right–staying would’ve meant more fights and problems.”
