“It’s all going to work out.”
I desperately want to believe her, so I don’t argue. “Thank you for the invite, but I won’t be any fun this weekend until I know Coach’s decision.”
We reach our bags, and she slips on her sweatpants and slides her feet into her shoes.
“You’re sure?” she asks as she shoulders her bag.
I nod.
“Okay, but promise me you won’t flee town before I get back.”
“I promise,” I say with a laugh.
She hugs me and then heads out of the gym.
I take my time packing up. The janitorial staff comes in but starts on the opposite side. I love the gym like this when it’s quiet. There’s something reverent about it. Don’t get me wrong, I prefer the gym when it’s loud and chaotic. Floor music, the sound of feet hitting the beam and mats, the creak of the bars,and the steady rhythm of the pommel horse. It’s as steadying to me as the cheers for teammates and the grunts of frustration.
But now when my mind spins with anxiety, the quiet of this place I love so much is the reassuring balm I need. Two years ago, I set my sights on this gym. Just being here is the realization of a huge dream. The thing about dreams is they move and shift. They grow. Being here checked off one dream but staying will check off so many others.
When I’m finally changed and ready to leave, I walk through the gym slowly, memorizing it all just in case. I will find a way to get back here no matter what.
My shoulders slump as I step out and the doors close behind me. The squeak of the shiny tile floors and the bright lights from the windows around the lobby make it feel like an entirely different world. I never really gave it much thought before, but today the stark divider between the grit and warmth of the gym and the rest of the world acts like a metaphorical bucket of cold water over my head.
I pick up my pace, but before I make it to the double doors that lead out to the parking lot, Coach Rodier appears to my left. I jump, not expecting him. I thought he left a long time ago. He’s holding a mug of coffee, like maybe he’s planning to stay awhile. Actually, now that I think about it, he might just live here. I wonder if he sleeps on the mats in the middle of the gym floor or underneath the high bar—that’s where I’d pick.
“Hannah,” he says in that short, clipped way he does.
“Hi.” The word comes out a little breathy as I recover from the shock of running into him while spiraling over his decision.
“You’ve improved over the past three weeks.” His praise hits unexpectedly.
“Thank you.”
“You still have a long way to go. It will take many more long days and nights.”
My heart flutters with excitement and possibility. “I know and I want that. I will do whatever it takes. This is all I’ve wanted since I was a little girl.”
He stares at me with gray eyes, expression impossible to read. He looks like he’s deciding something, but really, I think he’s giving me time to back down.
“Does this mean you’ll coach me?” I ask, unable to wait any longer to know my fate.
“Yes.”
I gasp, waiting for him to say more. It’s probably only seconds but it feels like longer.
I lunge forward before he can change his mind, hugging him and then jumping back when I realize that’s probably not appropriate. “I’m sorry. I…” I’m beaming at him, and he looks slightly amused. Still not smiling but there’s a look of curiosity there anyway.
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You won’t be sorry. I’m going to work harder than any other gymnastever.”
“Don’t thank me yet. It’s not going to be easy. You have a lot of catching up to do.”
I can’t seem to make any more words come out of my mouth. I am overcome with emotion. My chest feels like it’s going to burst. So I nod feverishly with a huge smile plastered on my face.
“I’ll see you Monday,” he says. “Get some rest.”
I keep right on nodding as he backs up the same way he came.
I stand there, frozen—possibly still in shock—until he calls out to me.
