“I’m used to taking care of myself and other people but with you, it’s always the other way around. It’s a bit unsettling, really.” I give him a wobbly smile in return. “So I thought if Ibaked and waited up for you, it’d be obvious how I felt.” Saying it now, it’s no wonder it didn’t pan out like I hoped. “But then you got here, and I could tell something was wrong and I didn’t know if you were just tired or if I’d missed my chance.”
“No.” His thumb makes slow, reassuring circles along the back of my hand. “That wasn’t about you at all. I’m so sorry you thought that for even a second. I fucked that up. Not you, okay? I’m so sorry. Forgive me?”
“It’s fine. There’s nothing to forgive. It was late and you weren’t expecting me.”
“It wasn’t fine. You did something so nice for me, and I made you feel weird about it. I never want to be that guy. No matter what else is going on, there’s no excuse.”
He looks so genuinely sorry that it makes me feel even more like I made too big a deal out of it. “It’s okay to have a bad day and need space or whatever. You don’t always have to be happy to see me.”
“That’s what you don’t get though. I was happy to see you. Ecstatic even. Opening the door and seeing you is the best part of my day. Especially last night.”
“Because of the game?” It’s the only reason I can think of why he would have been upset if not with me.
“No.” His tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek. “I got a call from my dad as I was getting on the plane.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” He sighs. “I haven’t heard from him or my mom in more than six years, but over the past couple months he’s reached out a few times.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, and I don’t care.”
I wonder if that’s true. Based on the way it got to him, I’d say not. Either way, my stomach twists and anger boils under my skin at his words and the casual, easy acceptance. I know ithad to have been bad for him to write anyone off, let alone his parents.
“I’m sorry.” I know my apology isn’t enough to erase that hurt for him, but I at least want him to know I believe that he did the right thing by distancing himself from them.
“Cutting them out of my life was necessary. I know that the same way I know it wasn’t my fault, but—” He pauses and swallows.
“It doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
He nods, eyes sparking with some notion that I understand.
“Anyway, him calling just stirs shit up that I’d rather not dwell on.”
“What happened six years ago?” I ask. He said that was the last time he talked to them.
“I scored my first goal in the league, and I was so damn happy. He called while I was out celebrating with the guys.” He stops again like this part is especially hard to relive. “It took me all of thirty seconds to figure out he had no idea about my goal or even that I was playing hockey professionally. He was only calling because he wanted me to fly home for a family photoshoot.”
I can’t conceal the surprise in my expression.
“Yeah.” Travis’s laugh is short and brittle. “People had been asking my parents why they hadn’t seen me around lately so they thought a few photos of the three of us would prove all was well and good between us for a few more years at least.”
Forget anger. What I feel for his parents is closer to rage. What. The. Fuck?
“I said no and that was the last time we talked until last night.” He shakes his head, looking up like he’s lost in thought about his absolute jerk of a father. “I wouldn’t have answered if I’d known it was him. He called from a blocked number, and I thought it might be you so…”
“You answered.”
He nods to confirm.
“What did he say?”
“He’s coming to town and wants to talk.” He shakes his head. “Fuck that. I don’t have anything to say to him.”
“Good,” I say, sharper than I mean to but I’m not sorry about it.
“But that’s why I was too slow to realize what was happening last night. If I’d known you wanted me to kiss you, the night would have ended very differently.”
