I looked up at her and sighed. She was waiting, looking up at me with an open, trusting expression that just went to my heart.
I placed my elbow on the bed and rested my head in my palm, thinking.
I nodded, squeezing her hand for a second before speaking. “All right. But the truth isn’t pleasant, Ava. It will hurt you. Do you remember what we were doing the morning I learned about Mom’s accident?”
The expression on her face said she did.
We’d skipped school that morning to be with each other. Her mom had left early for work, and instead of walking over to school, like we always did, Ava invited me in. We spent the morning exploring each other’s bodies in her bed, and it was fabulous. I ignored my phone for hours, and so did she. When we had finally gotten to school, our homeroom teacher had found me and given me the terrible news.
“There’s something I haven’t been honest with you about.” I bit my lip. “Mom was alive for a few hours after she was brought to the hospital. She didn’t die instantly, like I told you. She was alive and asking for me. Only I couldn’t be reached.”
She blinked a few times as the magnitude of what I had told her just hit. She looked miserable.
“I’m sorry I lied to you, Ava. It’s just”—my grip on her hand was tighter—“I’d had a fight with Mom the night before her accident. She wanted me to go to Stanford, the same college that she and my uncle had gone to. She was always so ambitious for me. I told her I was going to whichever college you were going to, which upset Mom. She thought I needed to see the world and get out of New York. Itold her that you were my world and I wanted to stay with you.
“Anyway, that night, I didn’t speak to her after our fight or the next morning either. She left for work, and I left for your house without even a look in her direction. And when I found out that I hadn’t been able to go to her in time to speak with her before she died, I was distraught. I was distraught and couldn’t share it with you because I didn’t want to burden you with the same guilt. If I’d only just gotten to the hospital on time, if I’d had a chance to tell her I was sorry and that I loved her … I could forgive myself, you know. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know this wasn’t what you were expecting.”
She nodded and blinked away a tear. “So, you blamed me for it?”
I shook my head. “I wish I could say I hadn’t. I don’t now. But back then, I wished I hadn’t been so besotted with you. So besotted that I didn’t have time for my family. I was emotionally shut down in those months after she passed. I couldn’t think straight. I really regret giving up on you, Ava. On us.”
She nodded, her cheek dewy with tears. “I wish we hadn’t broken up back then either. And I really regret that you hadn’t been able to go see your mom at the hospital too.”
I rubbed my thumb over her eye and cheek, catching the little wet drop. It felt comforting to know that she shared my pain.
She blinked her tears away before looking up at me.
“So, the monthly CPR meetings …” she asked with the attitude of someone who had to settle a nagging doubt.
I took a breath. It wasn’t easy, addressing a topic that troubled me. It also wasn’t easy because it meant ourconversation would continue to stay somber, and when Ava was around, I wanted to be happy. But I could see that she was serious, so I gritted my teeth and spoke.
“Two years ago, my cousin Brody went through an exceedingly tough time. He lost his mother to cancer, and in the very same year, his father started to develop acute Alzheimer’s. He hardly recognizes us now. To add to that, a year ago, Brody discovered he had epilepsy,” I said.
“Oh.” She angled her head on the pillow, her red-gold hair fanning around her. “I didn’t know that.”
I nodded. “Once, I was around when he had a particularly violent attack. He hurt himself on the head while falling and was unconscious for almost half an hour while I waited for the ambulance, not knowing what to do.”
I drew in a deep breath. “I never knew how one health issue could make me feel so powerless, but that was what it did. I felt miserable at being unable to help him.”
“So, you make sure you know everything there is to know about first aid in case it happens again.”
I hesitated, tracing the contours of her body with my fingers. “Yes.”
“So that you don’t lose the only family you have left.”
My fingers stopped near her waist.
“Yes,” I said.
“Well, I can tell you now that you don’t need to add me to the list of people you need to protect. I can take care of myself.”
A slow smile spread out over my cheeks even though I didn’t buy that. “You’re tough, huh?”
“I’m better than tough. For all you know, I could be a con artist. I might just disappear in the middle of the night with your bank account details. The perfect swindler.” Avalaughed while I sat up and leaned over her, hands on either side of her face.
“My dear Ava, you’d turn yourself in, even before I could catch up to you,” I said, bending down to kiss her sweetly. “Besides, you can do whatever the hell you’d like with my money. Buy yourself a castle or donate it to save the rainforest.”
She kissed me back. “Ugh, you underestimate me.”
