I grinned, and we stood in silence, picking up our bags, ready to turn around and leave when Sean asked, “Care to tell me why you’ve been out here, playing every day this week, when you usually only trouble me on Sundays?”
I smiled at him, bemused that he’d caught this aberration. “You think you know me so well?” I asked.
Sean nodded, taking a swig of his bottle of water. “You’re a man of habit, Desmond. I know you too well. You were my roommate back in college, and I knew how much of a mess you were in your first year.”
Perhaps seeing Ava had thrown me off my habitual routines. I considered admitting to Sean that I had run into a high school girlfriend when his words hit me, and it made me catch my breath.
I had been a mess in college because I was still grievinga year after Mom’s death. And Ava was still grieving now, and she probably didn’t know it. I could see it—the signs of grief in her. Her inability to discuss her mom and her lack of interest in caring for herself.
If anything, my experience with grief should help me alleviate that for her a little.
14
AVA
The day after my lunch with Desmond began with no sign of him. The lobby and hallways were completely clear of him, and I wished—foolishly—that I could go with him to the party later tonight.
Every time the elevator doors opened, I craned my neck to see if I could spot Desmond walking by. Perhaps he’d acknowledge me with a stiff smile or even just a knowing look that I could think back to when I went home alone.
It was close to four p.m. when I finally saw him walk out of an elevator. He was leaving for the day, going by the briefcase in his hand, and my heart skipped a beat when he looked across the lobby at me.
He walked over, and thankfully, there was no one around. Carolyn was in the back room, noting down our inventory, and most of our customers were too busy rushing out of work to stop for a drink or a snack.
He seemed to relax as he approached me and smiled. He had a five-o’clock shadow that suited him well, and he looked a little weary, but pleased.
“Ms. Hale,” he began, “I forgot to ask you this earlier. How do you like your new job?”
“It’s been pretty good.” I smiled, hoping Carolyn wouldn’t step out right now. I didn’t want her to overhear anything about Desmond and me having met earlier. “The people have been great, and Carolyn is helping me learn a lot.”
“You mean no one’s scared you off yet?” He grinned as he set his briefcase on the counter and opened it.
The corners of my lips twitched. “Knowing your grumpy reputation, perhaps they’ve left that bit to you.”
He pressed his hand to his chest in a heartbroken way and said, “Touché!” and the two of us shared a laugh.
When the moment passed, we were still looking at each other. I was wondering why he was here and also noticing how his eyes twinkled when he laughed.
“Good luck for the party,” I said, remembering just in time that he had plans for the night.
He stared at me for a long moment and then said, “Oh, thanks.”
He finally grinned. “I almost forgot about the party. Thanks again for reminding me. On a more serious note,” he said, reaching into his briefcase, “when you mentioned that your mom had passed away, I thought of something.”
There was a strange lurch in my chest. Here was another person trying to bring up Mom’s death with me. When would this stop?
He pulled a brown leather book out and handed the book over to me, a solemn expression on his face.
I took the book and leafed through it, hoping I would know what to say.
It was empty.
“It’s a grief journal, Ava,” he said when I raised my eyebrows. “It’s—” He ran his hand through his hair, struggling for words. “Well, when I asked you earlier about your mom, you avoided speaking about her. When I asked you about her book club friends, you … well, you hedged that question too.”
I took a step back, wishing Desmond weren’t making me think about those things. I was running out of excuses to avoid an actual conversation about Mom. About the lie I’d discovered when it was too late.
“I could understand it,” he said with an empathetic look. “It’s grief, Ava. Unless there’s something more?”
I shook my head, an instant reaction. Avoiding was easier than admitting the whole truth.
