She didn't want to, but this was slowly killing all of them, and it already felt like things were hopeless.
“Christmas miracle needed desperately,” she murmured to the universe as she walked up the path to Grant’s front door.
It was obvious he’d known she was out there, because the door opened as soon as she was on the porch, before she even had a chance to ring the bell.
“Sorry,” she said immediately, not knowing if he’d seen her just standing out there.
“Don’t apologize, honey,” he said, drawing her into his arms. “I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm so sorry things haven’t improved. I hate that you're hurting.”
“It’s not your fault,” she assured him, pressing her face to his neck and breathing in his comforting woodsy scent.
“Since I'm the one who raised Lindsay, I can pretty much say it is.”
Hating the recrimination in his tone, she nuzzled his neck and then lifted her head so she could meet his gaze. “It’s not. This is just hard, and?—”
Touching a finger to her lips, he silenced her, the pain in his eyes making her chest ache. “No ands. Please,” he begged.
“We have to accept?—”
“We don’t.”
“I don’t want you to lose your daughter.”
“I don’t want to lose either of you.”
Ashlyn could see that was true, and even though they were yet to exchange I love yous she could see that he loved her. That knowledge buoyed her a little, and she offered him the biggest smile she could muster. “We can hang in there a little longer.”
“Thank you, I know how hard this is for you.” Pulling her in for a quick kiss, he took her hand and guided her down to the family room.
“You guys have been busy,” she said when she saw that their tree was up, it had lights on it, and there were boxes of decorations sitting open, stacked around it.
“I would have asked you to join us to decorate, but doing the tree was something Lindsay used to love doing with her mom, and now the three of us do it together every year. Given how things are, I thought it might be better to stick with that this year.”
“You don’t have to explain, that’s fine,” she rushed to assure him. The last thing she wanted was for any of the three of them to feel she was forcing her way in where she wasn't wanted.
“Wasn't going to leave you out of this tradition, though,” he said, giving her a somewhat forced smile as he went to thekitchen counter and picked up a basket. It was red and white checked, with little felt Christmas trees, Santa hats, holly, and Santas circling it.
“That’s adorable, what is it?”
“Every year we do a special Christmas advent, each day in December, we don’t just eat a piece of chocolate, we do something Christmassy. I thought maybe the kids would have grown out of it by now. Linday is almost sixteen and Kevin just turned thirteen last month, but they still said they wanted to do it.”
“Aww, that’s so sweet.”
“Day one is choosing our secret Santas.”
Hearing that had her heart dropping. There was no way this was going to work out. Lindsay wouldn't want her to be part of this.
“Grant—”
“We’re doing it,” he said, cutting her off, voice fierce. “Kids, come downstairs, please.”
“She’s not going to?—”
“She has to accept that this is happening. I love my daughter, and I’m falling for you, I have been taking things slow, but I won't let her have the power to dictate to me who can be in my life and who can’t.”
Ashlyn nodded, but her stomach cramped when she heard footsteps on the stairs. Then plummeted further when the kids came into view, and Lindsay’s smile dropped, replaced by a sneer, when the girl saw her.
“Time to pick our secret Santas,” Grant said, voice forced with cheerfulness.
