43
“Have you calmed down?” Lance asked as he shoved his phone into his back pocket. I didn’t answer. I was too busy pacing. “Sophie is on her way in. I can tell her to go back to her place if you’re not composed yet.”
The mention of her name sent a wave of nerves through me. I’d unleased all my anger on her, and she didn’t deserve any of it. She was right. I lied to her. And while I could reason with myself that I wanted to keep my past away from her, I should’ve confided in her as she did with me. I was wrong on so many levels, and I hoped she could forgive me.
“Is she still upset?” I asked, slowing my steps.
“I don’t know.”
“Fuck, man. What did I do?” I punched the bag in front of me, hoping the effort would relieve me of some of my guilt.
“You snapped. We were all waiting for it. It just so happens Sophie got the brunt of it.”
“I know. Fuck, I know.”
“Give yourself some grace, Jax.” Lance rested his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye. “But talk to her. She’s good for you. You need her. And I believe she needs you.”
I nodded because everything he said was true.
No sooner did he move away from me than Sophie appeared. Her eyes were red and swollen, her apparent distress cutting deep.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Lance waved at Sophie before he walked away, leaving us alone.
I approached her, hoping she wouldn’t change her mind and rush back out the door. There was no time like the present to start groveling.
“I’m really sorry for how I acted. You didn’t deserve that. And you’re right. I wasn’t honest with you. But I never wanted to talk about my family because the entire situation is fucked up, and I thought if I didn’t acknowledge them, then I could shield you from that part of my life.”
“That’s just it. Your past is part of your life, a life I’m now involved in. I’ll be honest, I’m hurt you didn’t tell me. But after having some time to think, I understand why you held back. I can’t imagine the pain you felt, the pain you still feel, but you can trust me. I want you to lean on me as I’ve leaned on you more times than I can count.” A tear trailed down her cheek, followed by another. “Please promise me something, Jax. Actually, two things.”
“Anything.”
“No more secrets. We’re in this together now. You and me.”
“No more secrets,” I repeated, reaching for her and pulling her close. “What was the second thing?”
“When you’re ready, I’d like to talk about what happened with your family.”
“Okay, I can do that,” I responded.
She pinned me with her beautiful eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“You can stay behind if you don’t want to come,” I said, squeezing Sophie’s hand, thankful we’d worked everything out. “Lance can stay here with you until we get back.”
“No, that’s all right. I’m part of your team. I should be there with you for the weigh-in.”
“You’re part of my team,” I repeated, my voice dripping in frustration.
“Why did you say it like that?” she asked, her brows tilting inward.
“Like what?”
“Like you’re disappointed.”
I had to tread carefully because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.
“You’re more than someone who is on my team. You’re my….” My voice trailed off as I shrugged, confused on what word would best describe what she meant to me.
