“That’s all? That’s too much.”
“Why?”
Awkwardness wrapped around me at having a conversation this close, but if I put even a few inches of space between us, it would weave into a mile.
“I already told you why. I’d be unbearable. If you gave yourself to me, I’d end up going all caveman, and that won’t be good for either of us, like I said.”
His warning did nothing to deter me. Perhaps it should’ve, but Jackson was honest, and maybe that was why I continued to entice him.
“I think you’re selling yourself short. You can control yourself. I have faith in you.”
“That makes one of us.” The tilt of his mouth made me think that perhaps he considered giving in.
All I had to do was push him a little bit harder.
24
I was a self-proclaimed asshole most of the time, but even I wouldn’t step over the line and clearly take advantage of Sophie right now. She wanted a diversion, an escape from what happened with her ex, and while I could empathize, it was up to me to take a stance. Be responsible not only toward her butforher. But she was making this entire situation nearly impossible, tilting her mouth toward mine while she stood too close. I wanted her with a fierceness I’d never felt before, but I restrained myself, albeit barely.
What I told her was the truth. If she gave herself to me, even just one time, I’d become intolerable. Bouts of jealousy had already rattled me where she was concerned, and I was self-aware enough to know it would only get worse if we had sex. I couldn’t afford the distraction, especially not with my fight looming over me. I’d put everything in jeopardy, and for what? One time with her?
Images of what I’d do to her, what I’d demand she do to me, infiltrated, and it took all my willpower to shove those thoughts away. But I struggled between being a decent guy and giving in to my desire for the woman in front of me.
Would it be so bad if we just kissed?
I could control myself if that was all that happened right now, right?
No, you fucker. She’s too vulnerable.
Damn my conscience.
I was a discipled man in every aspect of my life. My diet. My training. Even the relations I engaged in with women. But ever since Sophie came into my life, my regimented world slowly started to crumble.
She wasn’t making it any easier on me right now, pleading with me with her eyes, tempting me with a slow lick of her lips. But her tear-soaked cheeks were the reminder I needed that she wasn’t in the right headspace to make any kind of rational decision.
“I’m not asking for a commitment or exclusivity between us,” she said. “I just want to be with you right now.”
Her voice was like sweet torment. I wanted to give in, but somehow, I managed to hold on to the last bit of restraint I had and took a step back. She frowned, her eyes quickly roving over my face before she dropped them to the ground. I hated witnessing her embarrassment or self-doubt or whatever feeling it was that made her drop her shoulders, but I had to do what was right, no matter how hard.
“I better go,” I said.
She nodded but kept her head down.
“Sophie.” She didn’t look at me. “Sophie,” I said once more, a softness to my voice that sounded alien to me. “You know this is the right move.”
She finally looked at me. “I know.” Her response was barely above a whisper. “I’m just…. I think I only wanted to… because of….” Her words trailed off at the end, and even though she hadn’t completed a full sentence, I understood exactly what she tried to convey.
“I get it. More than you know.” A tiny crease formed between her eyes, but she didn’t ask me to elaborate. I gestured between us. “This can’t be awkward.”
“It won’t be.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” She straightened her posture and tipped her head upward. “I promise. We’re good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I paused a moment as I studied her. This time, she held eye contact, and a flicker of strength flashed behind her eyes.
“See you tomorrow.”
