Tears swam in the older man’s eyes. ‘Does it? I’d like that.’
‘A feast has been prepared. You will be feted at the high table,’ Svanna said. ‘You must visit your prizes afterwards. Today is an end of Turgeis and his brothers menacing us—Eire, Agthir and even Islay. We must celebrate.’
‘What are you going to do?’
Rand laced his fingers with Svanna’s. ‘Speak to my wife. Alone.’
The high king laughed. ‘Who am I to come between a determined man and his bride?’
Svanna knew her cheeks flamed, but she allowed Rand to lead her away to a secluded barn, even though she feared what must be coming.
‘Are you sure that was wise?’ she asked. ‘The King complained about the hospitality, and he is uncertain about Birdie. I won’t have her upset, Rand.’
‘Very sure,’ Rand said. ‘Because first the King and then my cousin and his wife will arrive. By the time everything is complete, you’ll have something else to do. Are you avoiding me?’
‘I’m trying to play my proper role, the one we agreed when we wed—a peace-weaver bride. To keep to our bargain.’ She willed him to understand and let her go. She hated that she longed for his love, but she’d learned a long time ago that the moon would never be hers.
‘What if I would like you to play a different role?’
Svanna’s mouth went dry. ‘A different role? We’ve an agreement.’
He raised her hand to his mouth. ‘I’ve done you a great disservice, Svanna. Before we go any further, you must know this: For years I believed my cousin saved my life, but I know now he was entirely at fault for what happened in Agthir that day.’
Svanna tilted her head to one side and tried not to panic. She hated that she wanted to be married to him whatever shape that marriage took. ‘The past stays past, Rand.’
‘Its shadow will always fall between us unless I explain.’
She wrapped her arms about her waist and nodded, bracing her heart for whatever came next.
Rand rapidly explained what had happened in truth. How Thorarinn had made a wild guess to pay off his gaming debts, and then, after receiving the gold, had learned who was being beaten. When he’d finished, he caught her hand and raised it to his lips. ‘Can you forgive him? Or would you rather not have anything to do with him? I know how much you’ve suffered.’
Her heart turned over and she knew she was sliding further in love with him, but it had ceased to matter. What he’d confided showed that he did care a little for her. Maybe they could work towards making a proper marriage.
‘No gold would have been on offer if Turgeis had not invented the rumours.’ She shook her head. ‘The people who bear most of the blame were Drengr and his sons. I will hear no more of this. It happened, but I bear your cousin no ill will. You survived. I survived. I will go on surviving.’
‘We both have scars, Svanna. Mine on my face and you…’ He touched her chest. ‘Deep in here. I can’t undo them, much as I would like to. Now we need to renegotiate our marriage bargain.’
The sound of her heart pounding nearly drowned out his words. ‘Negotiate our marriage contract? We married because it was the right thing to do for both our countries. Simply because we defeated the Drengrson brothers does not mean the need for our alliance will cease.’
‘I find I want more than a bloodless alliance, a strategic marriage, I believe you called it. It won’t suit. It won’t suit at all. I want a family like I dreamt of having as a boy, one where I spend time with my wife because I want to, and we raise our children together on a farm. I grow weary of war, Svanna.’
Her mouth went dry. He wanted a real family. More than that, he wanted her because of who she was, not because of her relations. ‘Your heart is buried with your wife.’
‘The man I was ceased when my family was buried. That man’s life had been far from perfect. I spent far too much time away and we lost sight of our dreams. In my heart I knew when she’d gone that we’d somehow lost each other long before.’
He paused. The hope growing in her breast threatened to overwhelm her, but she drew on all her training to remain silent.
‘But I didn’t die,’ he said, finally breaking the silence. ‘I lived for my daughter. In the beginning, her nurse told me that because Birdie had struggled to breathe at birth, she was too fragile to survive. Days, months and then years passed. My daughter who seemed weak and helpless grew into a sturdy little girl. But I stubbornly refused to see the goodness life could hold until you came into my life. Suddenly I find old dreams have returned. I want that family again. I believe in second chances now, Svanna. Can you?’
‘Are you trying to say you no longer have need for an alliance?’ she whispered around the fear that clogged her throat. Did he want to end their marriage?
‘I thought my heart was small and incapable, but you came into my life, making demands, and my heart grew stronger.’
‘What are you saying?’ she whispered, hardly daring to believe what she was hearing.
‘I’m willing to release you, Svanna, if you don’t want forever. But will you begin our marriage again? Not for Agthir’s or Islay’s sake, but for yours? Because you want, above all things, to be my life-partner, just as I long to be yours.’
She turned her face into his palm. ‘You want forever? With me?’
