Surprise touched his features.
My stomach twisted. What was I thinking?Be a better leader?
I forced a smile that I hoped looked natural. “Why do you look stunned?” Nothing I said was new or worthy of surprise. My thoughts however, those certainly shocked me.
His brows drew together as he continued to guide me across the dancefloor. “I imagined you scolding me for feeling angry. That you would want me to relate to my mother’s suffering.”
My smile faltered. Did he really think that his feelings had no value? Had no one ever held him or shielded him from anything? Had no one shown him the power of positive bondsand interactions? I thanked the Spirit for Edda, for when I was young, she was all those things for me and so much more.
My gaze fell away from his, pulled down by a sudden sadness sifting through me at the thought of Edda. I forced my attention back up to meet his eye. “She was not the only one suffering.”
His hold momentarily loosened on me, the only sign of his surprise at my comment.
“My mother suffered too,” I whispered, my gaze dropping till I stared at nothing but his shoulder. “My father was not a good man. I have no memory of him ever being kind. She was shackled to him, a monster. Yet, she remained there for no other reason but to shelter me from him.” My eyes watered. How much of my words were even true anymore, if Malavika was right about what she did...
Suddenly I realized it must sound like I am rubbing it in his face that my mom loved me while he thought his abandoned him. My gaze rose. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m glad someone protected you from the cruelty of the world,” he whispered. I half expected him to add something about how doing so, they unfortunately also sheltered me from the true selfishness of the world. Yet, he didn’t.
“I wish someone had protected you, too,” I said, and meant it. How different could he have been if the circumstances were better?
We stopped moving without my realizing it. Clause stared at me, cold silver eyes holding me captive. A strange tension circled us, the air buzzing with it.
His gaze dipped to my lips. One of his hands still held mine, while the other remained on my lower back. A dangerous man surrounded me, looking at me in a way I never expected, with desire.
My stomach dropped.No.
Suddenly Erik was in the foreground of my mind. He was the one I wanted to dance with, to touch me, to look at me with desire. He was the one I felt safe with. The one who had spared Landin’s life only for Clause to take it.
The Sidhe King moved closer, stepping into me, his powerful frame enveloping me even more. I nearly forgot to keep breathing, while my heart forgot to pause between beats.
He leaned in towards me till his breath caressed my lips.
“Please,” I managed to whisper despite my throat closing.
He stilled.
“Don’t.” The word barely a desperate murmur, yet he heard.
Hungry silver eyes rose to mine for a moment that lasted an eternity. I would have been shaking if I had not completely frozen in place. A fear so potent sliced into me.
Finally, he stepped away from me.
I sucked in a breath, and somehow when I spoke, my voice sounded steadier than my mind. “May I take my leave?” I didn’t even know why I asked. I should have just left. But he was a King, someone who probably often got the things he wanted, and I did not know how he would react to what just happened.
Clause dipped his head. “You may go if you wish,” his voice was gentle.
That snapped me into action, and I began moving at once. However, when I went to step past him, he reached out. Fingers wrapped around my forearm, smoothly bringing me to a stop. I could only look ahead and wait for whatever would come next, while Clause towered at my side. His gaze roamed my face. I didn’t even have to look at him, for I felt it. And suddenly it was difficult to breathe again.
“You do not need to fear me,” he said softly before releasing me.
No one stopped me again as I practically fled from the room, ran down the halls, and hid in my room, thankful for Shay’s presence when I entered. She was my piece of home, keeping me grounded as the world shifted all around me.
17
ERIK
Every night I dreamed of her.
