I elaborated, “For you to believe friendships are not real. That people are too selfish for such notions.”
He took a moment to view me, his expression completely unreadable. I half expected him to refuse an answer. And yet, he began speaking. “I’ll tell you of the first person who thoroughly taught me this lesson, but to do so, I suppose I need to give you some background information.” He paused, as if waiting for me to agree.
“I have nowhere else I need to be.” I shrugged.
Gray eyes studied my face before turning from me altogether, looking out over the balcony. “This is a beautiful land. It can be cold and harsh, but here, surrounded by the mountains, it is an oasis.”
“There is certainly something special to it.” I moved to stand beside him, viewing his lands.
He continued staring out at nothing in particular, his gaze drifting along the horizon of mountains. “My father loved it here. Loved his people, his family. Until some close to him betrayed him, trying to seize his throne for another. His inner circle, his so-calledfriends, were nothing more than poison he let into his life.”
I frowned. For this seemed like a story about his father, not him.
“That was the beginning of my father’s change. He became paranoid, crazed at times. Me, being his heir, I was always with him, and saw it firsthand. But my mother, she did not get that joy. My father kept her caged to her room. Isolated. Alone. He feared letting her out, that someone would get to her and use her to harm him. So instead, he placed her out of reach. Hiding his weakness behind doors. She became a prisoner.”
“That’s awful,” I murmured.
Clause nodded. “She was weak, simply obeying, no matter what he did to her. But she was a Queen. She gave him an heir.She could have stood her ground, and fought for what she believed. Instead, she just took it. Every day, losing more of herself. Every day pulling away from even me. Like a flower hidden from the sun, she wilted.”
He drew in a breath, releasing it slowly. “I was fifteen years old when I found her laying on the floor of her room in a pool of blood, her wrists cut.”
His hand wrapped around the iron railing, knuckles turning white. “She was supposed to be myprotector, myfriend,mymother.” He said those words harshly as if they were dirty. “Instead, she was a selfish coward who left her only child to suffer at the hands of his mad father.” Pain settled in the space surrounding him.
“She probably saw no hope of an escape from the prison she found herself in,” I said, imagining what she possibly felt.
Cold gray eyes sliced to me. “She was a mother.” There was venom in his words. “And she left me withhim.” Anger charged the air between us.
Her actions hurt him, and still hurt even so many years later. And with my comment, I made it seem like I agreed with her choices, that I stood on her side instead of his. My words upset him, and I seem to have unintentionally found a boundary of his I didn’t even know existed.
I never truly saw Clause mad, with that anger directed at me. Yet now, it charged the air I breathed, burning all the way through my lungs. My muscles tensed as I held his stare, suddenly uncomfortable with looking away. He was dangerous, and I finally upset him.
I usually tried to push Clause’s boundaries, never have I rushed back toward them. What was the best way to soothe the hurt and anger of someone who trusted no one?
I reached out, my hand covering his before I changed mymind. Touch was a powerful thing, especially for someone like him, and so I used it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you with my comment. You were a child, and it is a parents’ duty to protect their young. They should have protected you. I can’t imagine what it was like to find her like that.”
My thoughts immediately traveled to my own mother, her lying dead on the floor. Perhaps I could imagine it, but Fraser took my mother from me. She did not do that to herself. Or did she? If it was true that she could sense her future, if she somehow induced stillbirths, then perhaps even our mothers shared more in common than I ever imagined.
Nausea settled in my gut at the thought. I had to force myself not to think of it, not to believe it or risk becoming ill.
Clause’s features softened, and his gaze dropped to my hand, the one resting on his. The tension between us softened, the edge growing dull as the anger dissipated. He released the railing, his hand flipping over and gently grasping mine. “Well, did I earn myself a dance?”
It took all my willpower to not rip my hand out of his.
“Lead the way.” I offered a tight smile and allowed the murderer of my best friend take me towards the music.
Before I knew it, we were on the dancefloor, and the eyes of every person raked over me as the Sidhe King tugged me closer and began moving me across the floor. His steps were smooth, like fluid, precise. Those gray, cunning eyes, had not once left mine. They trapped me.
“I didn’t mean to frighten you on the balcony.” He broke the silence between us.
“You didn’t.” I offered him a small forced smile, trying to pretend confidence into existence. The moment on the balcony was uncomfortable for so many reasons.
His lips tugged down. “I got angry, but that was misplaced. Iapologize for it. Normally, I do not let my emotions get away like that.”
My eyes widened, for he always exuded a confident poise. I suddenly was not sure if he knew what it meant to be emotional. It was clear the conversation upset him, that it was something difficult for him, something I doubted he shared with many.
I realized that most of his demons lingered beneath the surface of a calm water. He never dealt with them properly, and instead forced them to submerge, keeping them out of sight. Yet they remained idle, waiting. The King was not as whole as he made himself appear. Maybe that was something I could use to my advantage.
I thought of how to respond. “Showing an emotion does not mean they have gotten away from you. It makes you more real, and relatable. It was a sensitive topic, and you have every right to feel angry.” Perhaps if he allowed himself to feel, to heal, then he could one day be comfortable building bonds with others. He could learn. Maybe he could be a better King for his people, one capable of compassion.
