Even when held in our prison, Erik evoked dangerous confidence. Yet that now seemed like nothing compared to him in his home. Here he was comfortable enough to train his entire focus on me. The weight of that attention was extraordinary. So intense that it nearly froze me in place. The hairs on my neck stood in his presence while I forced myself to breathe steadily and keep my heart from racing in alarm. His kindness made him seem that much more lethal. As if it were a trick. Was he toying with me?
Despite being close to him when tending to his wounds, his proximity was too much when he stood on the threshold of my own prison room. The power he controlled simmering beneath his fingertips in wait forced me to stiffen, not out of fear but out of heightened senses. He was a hunter, and I was the prey. His presence pushed the surge of adrenaline through my body without him even needing to try to intimidate me. His existence alone was a threat. All of him was a threat.
That dark sapphire gaze of his was unusual, causing me to squirm when fixed on me. It was enough to steal my breath. Andthe way he moved, one slow step at a time, stalking me like the hunter he was. Somehow, I kept some resemblance of control when in front of him, but now just the thought of him sent my pulse climbing.
It was clear I severely underestimated his power, both physically and mystically. I still could not believe that he allowed me to enter his cell, tend his wounds, and then walk away alive. Especially when he thought I could have had something to do with the Lysians who disappeared. It was that small bit of information that comforted me, for I did not think he wanted to harm me, especially after not taking that easy chance. But how difficult would it be to push him over to the edge, for him to lose control? A part of him must hate all Bavadrins, especially when he thought we worked with the Sidhe. And the prejudicial beliefs each of our races had against one another, passed down generation after generation, instilling fear and separation between the races certainly didn’t help. I doubted he trusted me, and that was something I needed to gain.
I was in way over my head and was expected to sleep in a room next to a lethal Lysian—and the King no less. The only thing separating us were walls, which he certainly could burn down in seconds if he wished to.Death by fire would not be painless.
I was working myself into a panic.
My skin burned hot, heart fluttering.
Opening the balcony door, I took a breath and focused on trying to calm my nerves. The sun had finally crawled across the sky and was setting. Turning, I expected to see Kole standing in the doorway, watching me, curious about the actions I may take with the balcony door open. But he was not there. Instead, he remained in the small common area just outside the door.
Turning towards the sun, I retreated into my mind. My eyes slid shut, and I whispered words that were meant for someonewho no longer existed in our realm. Thoughts of her were often the only thing that brought me comfort when I was on the verge of unraveling. The belief that she could hear me comforted me whenever I found myself in the darkest of places.
“Mother, I am trying to be brave. Hear me, be with me, come back for me. Please, lend me your strength.” As I spoke, the wind picked up, swirling around me, still warm from the fading sun. I imagined it carried my words to her, and a warmth settled in my chest at the thought. If she heard me, then she would offer me her strength.
I imagined her standing before me, brown hair gently being tugged by the wind. A kind smile on her face. Green eyes, the mirror image of mine, would stare back at me filled with love. I imagined her reaching out, stroking my cheek with a slender finger. The image in my mind was so vivid that it was almost as if I could feel her presence surrounding me.
My eyes slid open to a view of a beautiful burnt orange sky.
“You believe the great Spirit is a woman?” Kole’s voice came from behind me.
I twisted to find him standing a few steps past the balcony door, closer than he usually came. There was genuine curiosity in his tone.
“No,” I answered, turning back to the cloudless sunset. “We do not believe the Spirit to be male or female. The words were for my true mother.”
“She’s dead?” he asked after a silent moment.
“Yes. And tonight, she will have her vengeance for it.” My voice grew dark as I alluded to the secret every Bavadrin knew but never mentioned out loud. Like if left unspoken, then it was never real. At first, it angered me, though with time I understood. The Bavadrins feared Fraser, but he was their leader. To act against him was traitorous, so simply keeping quiet and forgetting was amercy. It allowed them to continue following him, believing in his leadership. I, however, never forgot. That moment when my mother was stolen from me was burned into my memory so fiercely.
“Your father . . . he?” Kole appeared at a loss for words. Surely, he must have also been relieved, for I was more likely to help the Lysians if they killed a monster and not a beloved father.
I turned to face the Lysian guard, finding that moment as good as any to give him a glimpse of the past, which shaped me into the person who stood before him. With it, I also let him know that ending Fraser would not cause me pain. It wouldn’t be the reason I didn’t help the Lysians if what they claimed was true. “My mother only bore him one child, a daughter, no less. He grew more and more furious with each stillborn son she had. He believed she was cursed, that she wronged the balance of things in some way. He killed her for it.”
“That’s terrible,” Kole mumbled, looking at me as if he were uncertain about how to proceed with such information.
The worst part of the story was that my father may have been right, for she gave birth to me. I was a conjuror. And not a weak one. The balance was shifted with my birth, and she died keeping it a secret from him. Only a handful of people knew what I was capable of. There was also the grim fact of the way Fraser carried out the murder.
“It was,” I said with a nod.
Gone was the warm image of my mother, replaced by the terror of her last moments with me. My chest grew tight with pain and anger. No matter how much time passed, thinking of that day evoked potent and dark emotions. The memory like a snagged thread in my mind. Always poking out of the fabric of thought and memories, never did it weave seamlessly into the story of my life. No, it always stood out.
Kole’s lips parted, but he stopped himself from saying more.Instead, his attention shifted to the setting sun behind me. “It’s time for us to go.” His voice carried a somber tone.
I nodded. Everything I ever knew of life was about to end. Edda was right. I hid in the shadows of my father, and it was time to step out of that obscurity. By Fraser’s actions, he cast darkness over his people, and they needed the light. He no longer deserved to carry the weight of their future on his shoulders. Any Bavadrin would be a better leader than he was, even if Edda was wrong and the role did not fall to me.
Kole led me from the room and down many halls, which blurred past with our quick pace. My legs moved numbly without thought. I should have paid attention to the directions we went and where we were going. Instead, it was as if I was shrouded in a haze and my mind could focus on nothing other than that darkness. Like a frigid cape tied around my neck, pulling me back with its weight, nearly choking me. It hung around my shoulders, heavy and long enough to trip me as I continued to follow the Lysian.
Kole led me into a room and paused. There was a long table on the far wall where Erik sat with a handful of other Lysians around his age. Fraser was nowhere in sight, at least not yet. I noticed a drain in the center of the room and suddenly felt sick. How often were executions held there to warrant such a thing for easy cleanup?
I nearly jumped out of my skin when Kole gently grasped my arm. He had not touched me at all since our journey on horseback where it couldn’t be helped. Suddenly the world came into crystal clear view.
“We typically use this space for customary fights. It can get bloody, but no lives are lost,” Kole informed me after catching my eyes on the drain. He was trying to let me know they were not the monsters the Bavadrin stories portrayed.
I nodded, allowing him to lead me across the room.
