With a grin, he refilled her cup. “As the lady wishes.”
Ashley blinked. “I love your accent. You know, you’re incredibly good-looking, like movie-star hot.” She swayed again. “You can let go of me now.”
The future girl found his visage pleasing. Christian looked down to see more gold in her eyes this night. “Let go? Methinks you would meet the ground, lady.”
For a moment he released his hold, and she stumbled. “Perchance I shall keep you close. Thieves might be about.”
“You’ll take care of them.” She fit perfectly to his side, and he had to strain to hear her mumblings.
“I like having you hold me.”
In truth, he never wanted to let her go. Ashley Bennett was opinionated, vexing, intelligent, and beautiful. And when she was with him, she banished his loneliness as the sun sent the darkness into hiding. In every way she was his match, and yet…she wanted to go home, and he was betrothed and could not break the engagement without losing his honor. There could be nothing between them, no matter how he wished otherwise.
Ashley had not spoken in so long that Christian thought she had fallen asleep, but then she spoke quietly, almost to herself.
“You know, Christian, I’ve never cared the least bit about history. Always believed in only looking forward.”
“And why is that? History tells us where we have been and warns us to beware going forward.”
The wind had blown her hair into her eyes. He took her wrist, pulling the tie loose. It was unlike anything he had ever seen. The cord stretched and, when released, held its original shape. ’Twas difficult to do without letting her go, but he managed to pull her hair back and twist the band around it, as he’d seen her do countless times while they’d traveled together. It wasn’t as nice as she made it look, but her hair no longer blew in her face.
“Well you see…” She let loose a heavy sigh, not unlike his king when dealing with troublesome nobles. There was a low stone wall next to the stables, so he lifted her up and sat beside her, keeping his arm around her to hold her close. Only so she would not fall. Truly that was the only reason, he told himself.
“You were saying?”
She stared into the darkness, shivering.
“We should go inside. You are cold.”
“No. Just a little longer. It’s quiet out here, and I want to talk to you.”
The innkeeper had given them a cloak, which Christian wrapped around them both. It carried the faint scent of its previous owner, but it wasn’t overly odious, and the night air would carry away the lingering scent.
“Did you know, my mother got pregnant with me when she was a teenager. She was wild, fell in with the wrong crowd and got into drugs. Her family was very wealthy, and they made her go to rehab and give me up for adoption on Halloween. They sent her away so no one would know she was an addict and pregnant, and told all their friends she was studying abroad. It was like I never existed. I never knew her or my real dad. She always refused to name him when her parents asked, and no guy ever came forward. I was adopted by an older couple. They were nice, though I always wanted more. Maybe I’m more like my real mother than I want to admit.”
She yawned, and Christian thought about what she had said. To be unwanted and unloved, thrown away, only to find a home with strangers.
“I’m sure your dam loved you in her way. We cannot choose our families; we must find our own way in the world, as you have done.”
“I’m all alone, and no matter how many people are around, I’m lonely. I tell myself I like being alone, but…there’s something wrong with me. I don’t know how to not feel lonely.” A tear fell, and she sniffed. “I’ve never told anyone that before. It’s a secret, so don’t tell anyone, okay?”
Ashley shook her head and tumbled backward, would have fallen if he had not caught her.
“I know what it is to be alone even when surrounded by those you love. Marriage will help.” He prayed ’twould be so. “You have my word. I will not share your secrets.”
“You’re very easy to talk to. You know when I’m with you, I don’t feel lonely. Isn’t that funny?”
Before he could answer, she held his hand, looking out into the night.
“I forgave my mother and her family a long time ago, though it still hurts. The couple who adopted me, they were older and couldn’t have children. They were very kind, and I loved them. My adoptive father died of a heart attack, and a year later my mother died of cancer. Thank goodness it was fast. I had graduated high school a year early and just started college. She made me promise not to drop out. So I decided to stick with my plan and graduate early. Do great things, and somewhere my real mom’s parents would hear about how successful I’d become and wish they hadn’t cut me out of their lives so easily.”
“I’m sorry. My parents have passed as well. I miss them and do not know what I would do without my brothers.”
Thinking she was asleep, he leaned down to scoop her up in his arms when she spoke once more.
“You know, I never put down roots anywhere. I left tiny Pooler, Georgia and went away to school, where I didn’t know anyone, and then I took a job in New York City, where I didn’t know a soul. It’s so exhausting and difficult to form close attachments or make friends. I don’t get relationships. Why are they so hard?”
She slid off the wall, gently swaying back and forth.
