I glanced over to see him cross his arms over his chest and scowl. I looked back at the road but blindly pushed at his arms. “Stop. Stop that.”
“You’re already trying to find reasons to dump me, and it’s the first date.” He swatted me off and turned toward the car door.
Had someone done a number on him? I didn’t know his story. Yet. “Joey. It was more like, can I give you what you need. That’s the most important thing to me. I want you to be happy.”
“Whoa. Did not see that coming.”
“You should have. You should demand being given what you need, and you should break up with anyone who can’t or won’t.”
“Right,” he scoffed. “As if it worked that way.”
I put my hand on his knee. “It should.”
“Okay, Daddy.” His voice was soft and maybe a bit introspective.
We sat quietly while I waited for him to continue. I’d give him whatever space he needed. I pulled onto the expressway and kept driving.
Finally, he sighed. “Do you know a lot about kink and BDSM and all that?”
“No, not really.”
“This is going to be a long conversation.”
“Then you better get started. We have about ten minutes before I get off the highway.”
“Whatever,” he grumbled.
“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Joey.”
“You’re not. I mean, I’m fine. I’ve just been struggling with things lately, and shit. That feels like an excuse. I don’t know. I’m trying to live as myself and most of the time, the world rejects that. Rejects me. But I don’t know how not to be me.”
“Who are you?” I waited, and when he didn’t answer, I needed to encourage him. “Joey. I’m not going to reject you because of whatever you say. Okay. That’s not how I work.”
“I’m struggling with that.”
I pursed my lips together. If I wanted him to open up, maybe I needed to open up as well. “I need to know because I have zero experience. The whole Afterglow thing was through friends pointing me in that direction. But no. No experience with kink,but also with dating. I put my sexuality on hold for well over ten years. And I’m only thirty-three. Do you understand what that means?”
“Are you a virgin?”
“No, but it was one time with someone I thought I could trust. It was like twelve years ago, and he turned out to be a douche. That’s why I shut down. I couldn’t have anyone blabbing their story about me to the press.”
“Because you’re gay.”
“That’s the starting point, but it wouldn’t matter if I weren’t. I did not need menorwomen claiming they had some kind of sorted affair or having a spiteful ex. I couldn’t worry about that. I just couldn’t. I had to focus on racing. If I were going to be the best. The rest would come after. And now it’s after and…I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I don’t know what I like, what I want. None of it.”
“Oh. Guess I didn’t realize that. But…uh, you like me, right?”
“Definitely. That I know.”
“Okay. So…” Joey took a deep breath and gripped his knees. “I, uh, I’m what you call a little. I engage in age play. Really, more than that. I’d probably stay in that little headspace all the time if it were at all practical. And so far, it is not.”
“Hmm…” That wasn’t what I was expecting. Well, I didn’t know what I was expecting. “I didn’t realize that was a thing.”
“It is. Maybe you should ask your friends about it. You know, the ones that got you into the club, whoever pointed you in that direction.”
“That would be Hudson Cooper and his friend Larry Henderson. They encouraged me to go and meet new people. Do I give off a vibe, though? My real estate agent gave me a free pass, too.”
“Real estate? You mean Tyler Landry?”
