Jo-Beth giggles.
I gape at them. “W-workplace romance?” I shake my head and wag my finger at the same time. “No, no, no, that isn’t what’s happening here.”
“I don’t know, you are kinda cute together,” Jo-Beth puts in, then whispers behind her hand, loud enough for me to hear. “And if the rumors are true, not that I can attest to such speculation, but he’s apparentlyverywell endowed.” She offers me a wink to go with it.
This time I do choke on my cocktail. It not only goes up my nose, but I projectile liquid all over the table as cough and splutter. “Oh, my god,” I garble.
Bailey is laughing her ass off, clearly not helping the situation, but has the good sense to pat me on the back while she laughs.
This is next level. I don’t want to picture Zane Lawless with a larger than life dick, even though it is probably obvious he has one, I mean, he’s a big guy, why wouldn’t he be well endowed? And that’s when I know I’ve had one too many sips of this extra-large cocktail, because this is absurd.
“Holy shit,” Bailey mutters. “And also, ew. I’m sorry, Zane and I go way back, but now I’m thinking about his dick, and I don’t want to be thinking about any of his appendages, especially that one.”
I grab a handful of napkins and begin to wipe myself and the table. “Thank you for that visual I didn’t needof my new boss,” I insist. “And I’m here to tell you, you’re wrong. In fact, I think he despises me, so there’s no waythatis happening.”
Jo-Beth gives me a once over, and then shakes her head and says, “Nah.”
My eyebrows raise. “What do you mean, nah?”
“I mean, you’re exactly his type. You’d no doubt challenge him with your smarts — New Yorker style — and you clearly havea sense of humor, not to mention you’re as cute as a button to boot.” She smiles like we’ve been besties forever, and didn’t just meettoday.
“You’re right. He does prefer blondes,” Bailey puts in.
I lean in, keeping my voice low, this is a small town after all, and people talk. “While I thank you for the compliments, I say this with all sincerity… Will you two cut it out? There is no way Zane Lawless is into me. He compared my dietary habits to a rabbit! And he basically implied all New Yorkers were rude and impatient.”
“He’s a good cook, believe it or not,” Jo-Beth goes on as if I haven’t spoken. “Plus, you’d be warm all winter, his favorite thing to do is chop wood, and I don’t mind saying it because we’re amongst friends, but he’s mighty fine to watch when he swings that ax.” She fans herself with both hands. “Good lord, he raises the temperature to epic proportions when it’s gray sweatpant season.”
And now I’m envisioning his long schlong in gray sweatpants.Kill me now.
My eyes widen. I’m in the twilight zone, I’m sure of it. I’m about to put my hands over my ears and sing so I can’t hear anymore, but Bailey has some words of wisdom.
“I mean, we’re overlooking the obvious potential here, aside from you’d be super cute together; you’d have the best Christmas tree in all of Alpine Falls.” They both fall about cackling like witches.
I lob a balled up paper napkin at my best friend. “Thanks for your input.”
She dodges the smooshy ball, still laughing. “Anytime. But seriously, babe, you’re only here for the holidays, maybe you could bone him and leave him in a better mood than you found him for the rest of us. Take one for the team?”
“I know you did not just say that!” I chastise as Jo-Beth falls about laughing again. I narrow my eyes at Bailey and mouth, ‘seriously?’
She waves me off. “We’re kidding. Sort of.”
Jo-Beth dabs her eyes with a napkin. “Let’s not forget the reason Zane is the way he is.”
The table goes somber all of a sudden.
Bailey slaps her head. “Shit, I totally forgot about that.”
My interest piques. “Totally forgot about what?”
JB leans in. “I shouldn’t really be talking out of turn, but the whole town knows. The holidays are the worst time for him.”
Now I need to know too, and I’ll be giving Bailey the third degree about why she didn’t present this well needed information to me earlier.
“That bitch,” Bailey mutters as I chew on my straw, ravenous for this hot gossip. “And Stanley… that snake! Ugh, I should’ve cut his balls off when I had the chance.”
“Who’s balls?” I look between the two of them. “What happened?”
JB leans in again, her voice dropping low. “A few years ago, Zane caught one of his best friends, and college roommate I might add, in a rather compromising position with his fiancee.On Christmas Eve!”
