“What you want to eat? I really need to call Key and see what you can have. He does special meal plans and shit. I’m about to hire you a chef. I wonder if he has some openings.”
“Kannon, the baby is barely the size of a strawberry.”
“He’s a Glover. He gon’ be big as hell. You’ve seen me and my brothers.”
“The only reason that I’m entertaining you is because I was thinking about getting a chef for when I’m at home.”
“Damn, I didn’t even think about that part. You got a house of your own.”
I laughed. “How could you forget?”
“For one thing, I’ve never been there. We been kicking it at my place or on the road all this time. When was the last time you went home?”
“A few weeks. I had been on location for the shows I had to do for the album drop.”
“What’s on the schedule now? You have to make some arrangements for when it’s time to sit down and rest, Carrie. That’s nonnegotiable. I’m not letting nobody work you to death. You ain’t fucked up about money. I don’t give a damn if the sale is still in the air. That’s just a final fuck you to your boy Ceasar. You’re getting out of that contract regardless.”
“I have some appearances, but thankfully, there is a while before we start talking about a tour.”
“I need to know where we need to be so I can plan accordingly.”
I sighed. “Kannon, I’m not letting you rearrange your entire life.”
“And you can’t stop me,” he challenged.
Kannon just didn’t get it. I was trying not to impose on his life with my problems. He was doing everything in his power to make me feel loved and protected, and as much as I appreciated it, I couldn’t let him go all in when we didn’t even know if this was his obligation. I was completely prepared to carry my baby to term and raise it without Cyrus. That was what I was telling Cyrus before he went on his cocaine induced rant the night before we met in the studio. As much as I hated him, I wasn’t killing my baby.
I didn’t deserve a man like Kannon. He was too good to have to deal with my baggage. It was the reason I ran. Now, I was back and still working on keeping that balance. Kannon was a saint for wanting to step up to the plate whether the baby was his or not, but I felt like he deserved to know the truth.
Maybe I was just being selfish and short sighted. Part of me understood how devastating it might be for him to know for sure that he wasn’t the father. At the same time, I didn’t want years to pass and for him to decide he needed to know. Imagine how heartbreaking that would be if the baby weren’t his. Even if he decided to stick around, there would be pain. My heart ached just thinking about the possibilities.
“I have been thinking about buying a new house for a while. I don’t want any of those people to know where I lay my head. Plus, there are too many messed up memories in there.”
“What’s your dream home?”
“That’s easy. I want maybe five bedrooms with two extra bathrooms for company. I need office and studio space, and I would love a theater room. I want a big backyard for a little garden and a pool, and I want a huge bathroom with a clawfoot tub and a walk-in shower. Oh, and I need a huge closet. Most of all I want trees for shade and good energy.”
“I’ll put my people on it. You got a budget in mind?”
“I didn’t want to do anything too extravagant. I was thinking maybe a million five.”
Kannon whistled. “I keep forgetting you’re big time. When I look at you, all I see is my sweet baby. I keep forgetting you’re bossed up.”
“And I love you for that. Ooo, can we get pasta from this one place? They have the best chicken marsala. I don’t want that though. I want steak gorgonzola and chocolate cheesecake. Ooo, and plenty of peppers.”
“Can my baby have that, Carrie?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just telling you what I want. He’s too little to know what he wants. I just told you he’s the size of a strawberry.”
“Order it,” he said, passing me his phone. “But I’m going to find out what my baby can and can’t eat. I know you can’t drink all that coffee. I heard Kross fussing at Janelle about that.”
“Don’t make me fall out with you. I don’t even want to hear such foolishness.”
“I’m serious, Carteay.”
“I want to go see my mom,” I said, hoping to change the subject.
“When are you trying to go?”
