“Why you acting like this, Carteay? We got a good thing going on.”
After an almost cordial night out for an award show, my boyfriend, Cyrus, was pissed that I wouldn’t spend the night with him. It was bad enough that I had to pretend to be so in love with him, but I had to draw the line at behind-the-scenes action. I already knew how he moved, so it wasn’t crazy to assume that he wouldn’t be up to no good once we were behind closed doors.
When I went off the radar for a week, making everyone at my record label panic, I gave Ceasar, the label owner, and my manager, Tyler, strict rules that needed to be followed. It was one thing to be forced into a fake relationship for my image anda whole other to have to put up with an arrogant, pill popping rapper when there were no cameras rolling. No matter how much they threatened to sue me or ruin my career, I was done letting them take advantage of me.
“What do you consider a good thing, Cyrus? Fighting all the time, being put together by the label, knowing neither of our hearts are really in this shit, or let me guess? A good thing is you being able to walk around flaunting a different woman every day without having to hear my mouth because I don’t care what you do as long as you leave me the hell alone?”
“Don’t be like that. You’re the one that said you didn’t want me touching you no more. Have I broke your rules?” he quizzed.
“No, but we shouldn’t even have rules like that. I want a real relationship. I want out. I want to be free without worrying about you and the label trying to ruin my career.”
“OK, OK, come to the studio,” he suggested again. “Let’s just record the song they want us to do, then we will go to dinner and talk about all of this.”
I sighed, but I knew his ass wouldn’t back down. I had been sick as hell for the past few days. The last thing I wanted was to be bothered with Cyrus, even if he had been sticking to the terms of our agreement. When I agreed to return to the label, part of the deal was for him to never put his damn hands on me again unless it was for a photo op or a performance.
I had to put my foot down with him and our superiors because in just the few days that I’d spend with Kannon, I realized just how much I had lost control of my life. There was no way I was one of the biggest artists on their label, yet I was being treated like a concubine and forced to fall to Cyrus’s will. Men were disgusting sometimes.
It had been two months since I’d spent a week hiding out and falling for the only man who’d ever made me feel safe, the only one who I’d let see the real me, in longer than I caredto remember. No matter how I felt about Kannon, I quickly realized that trying to have him in my life meant dragging him into the aftermath of my poor decisions.
I had seen Ceasar’s wrath play out enough times to know that it was safer to tough out the last four years of my contract than to go up against him. Walking away from Kannon was one of the hardest decisions I had ever made, but I knew I did what was right.
According to him and the predatory contracts I’d signed, Big Time Records owned me. Not me, per se, but they owned my image, my music, and my career for the next few years. I’d been forced into a fake relationship with one of the biggest artists on the label, to boost both our images.
I constantly questioned how being with a narcissistic pill head, who couldn’t keep it in his pants, helped my image. As far as I was concerned, I was a hired concubine with a number one hit. As much as I hated being trapped in my contract, I hadn’t been able to find a legal way out. Breaking my contract essentially meant destroying everything I’d built. I didn’t even have the nerve to face Kannon before I left. I’d left him a tear-stained letter filled with words I regretted a little more every day.
I sighed as I considered Cyrus’s suggestion. We really did need to work on that single. “What time?” I finally asked him.
“I’m already headed that way. Just pull up when you ready.”
“OK,” I said, ending the call.
I had already heard enough. Cyrus had a home studio, which I had been refusing to go to since I’d returned. There was no way I was going to his house. I didn’t mind going to Big Time Records studio though.
I dragged myself out of bed and into my bathroom to take a hot shower. Hopefully, it was what I needed to fight off some of the fatigue dragging me down. I had to get it together. I had a radio appearance later in the day to promote my new album.
Despite the current state of my life, my album was doing numbers. The success of my career was always a silver lining to the bullshit. There were times when I dreamed of wearing beautiful gowns and costumes and traveling the world, doing what I loved. Unfortunately, that dream came with monsters and villains just like any other good story.
Since I was leaving in an hour, I sent my security team a message to let them know to meet me out front at that time. They were prompt if nothing else. Once I got a reply, I headed for the bathroom. I used my phone to turn on one of my favorite smooth R&B playlists as I made my way to my destination. Music surrounded me, coming from the speakers I’d had installed in the walls of my bedroom and bathroom. I sang along to one of Shanel’s first tracks as I stripped out of my clothes and turned on the water.
As soon as I stepped into the shower, my phone rang, interrupting my impromptu concert. I rolled my eyes hoping that Cyrus’s annoying behind wasn’t calling back already. As I walked deeper into the shower, I looked at the display and saw that it was my mom. It had been a couple of weeks since I’d heard from her, so I was excited to hear her voice.
“Hey, Mommy,” I answered once the call connected.
“Carty, you said you were coming to visit while you were on break, but I have yet to see your narrow behind.”
“I know, Ma. I haven’t been feeling too good these past couple of days.”
“You ain’t let that knucklehead boy knock you up, have you?”
I almost choked, hearing my mom’s words. The last thing I wanted or needed was to have a freaking baby by Cyrus. Hell, the label would probably hold a contest to name the baby. Ceasar and his underlings thought everything was a gimmick, even my pain.
“It’s just a little bug. I’ve been on the go so much for this album. I’m so relieved to have a week to myself, I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, I understand that. Your sister is coming home tomorrow for some kind of break. Every time I turn around, they’re out of school for one reason or another. I don’t know when they have time to learn.”
My little sister Candice was a senior in college and the apple of my eye. I had been keeping a close eye on her since Ceasar called himself threatening her. I knew that he wouldn’t do anything to her as long as I was in his good graces. It was crazy how much I hated something that I literally cried my eyes out and prayed for night after night. The best thing that had ever happened to me was also the worst.
“I’ll call her when I get out of the shower,” I told my mom.
