After what felt like the longest carriage ride in her life, they pulled in front of the estate. Veronica vaulted out of the carriage with her head held high, not even waiting for a footman to assist her to the ground. She had work to do.
CHAPTER 25
“What?” Veronica gasped in shock, hands starting to shake. “What are you saying? What do you mean you’re leaving?”
“I mean I will be going to find some place else to stay. I think it would be better that way for everyone.” For a moment, hepaused turning to face her. “I’m sorry. You deserve better than this. Far better than I would ever be able to give you.”
Dread washed over her. “You can’t mean that,” she whispered, shaking her head. “It isn’t true. Please, don’t do this!”
“I do. Please,” he avoided looking at her as he threw things into a small bag. “Don’t make this any harder than it already is. I’m doing this for your sake.”
“If it’s so hard then don’t do it. Stay here. Stay with me. Please. I don’t want this. I never asked for it.”
He shook his head. “I am so sorry, but I need to do this. I just can’t do that to you.”
“Do what to me? Treat me well? Stand by me? Fall for me?”
“Ruin you!” he said with more force than he had intended. His voice softened to just above a whisper. “I don’t want to ruin you like I have ruined so much else.”
“You mean like you ruined him?”
He didn’t speak but the look on his face was all she needed to know she had hit the nail on the head.
“Oh, Christopher, can’t you see you didn’t ruin him either. You have never ruined anything.”
He shook his head. “How can you say that? You saw him. People thought he was dead. I thought he was dead. His own family told people he was dead. That was my fault. I never even tried to see him.”
“Why would you? His family told you he was dead. They told you they never wanted to see you again. You were only trying to respect their wishes.”
“I still could have tried. I could have done more, but I gave up on him so quickly.”
“Maybe you could have, but he could have come forward and corrected the record at any time. At the end of the day, he chose not to and that was his choice.”
“But why? Why wouldn’t he want to tell me? He’s upset I never went and saw him, but he never tried to see me either. I don’t understand.”
She thought for a moment, choosing her words carefully. “I think he was hrut and grieving in his own way, but that didn’t mean it was all right for him to take it out on you nor does it make you responsible for what happened. The only one at fault here is the flames that took so much from both of you.”
Christopher shook his head. “But I-”
“Did nothing wrong,” she cut him off, trying to get him to meet ehr eyes. Her tone was so full of acceptance and understandingthat it stuck to Christopher like hot tar. They forced their way into every crevice of his being, unable to escape them.
He shook his head, but she just continued as thought he hadn’t done anything. The words your wrong stuck to the inside of his throat. No matter how hard he tried, nothing came out.
“You did everything you could,” she continued, taking a step towards him. “The only reason you stayed away was out of respect for his family”
He still wouldn’t look at her, but he at least didn’t take a step back or try to put any distance between them so it felt like progress. “I still could have tried to do more. I should have tried to do more.”
“You did everything you could,” she insisted. “You can’t hold this against yourself forever.”
“You doubt my ability?”
She snored, a bitter sweet smile on her face. “I don’t doubt you could, but you are a smart man. I know you know there’s a point when it isn’t doing anyone any good.
“Perhaps its not, but it feels like I should try. It feels like it is the least I can do.”
“And what would it accomplish if you did? Would it change anything? Would it undo the fire? Go back in time and stop it?Would it change any thing for Alexander? For yourself? Your family? His family? Or would it just make you unhappy.”
He looked at the ground, hesitating before he said, “Some people deserve to be unhappy.”
