It was like that moment on the porch had never happened, and so I sat back and attempted to soak up that positive vibe. It still didn’t stop me from wanting to hurl my bread roll across the table to get the fucker to look at me.
For a little while. I joined in as much as possible, but it wasn’t easy. The boys were so fired up; it was hard to get a word in edgewise. In all honesty, my highwas blown as soon as I’d sat down; that familiar feeling of loneliness blooming in my chest.
FOURTEEN
HARPER
After dessert, the Sawyer Brothers all made their excuses and went to hang out in the den.
“Are you coming, Baby Sawyer?” Micah said as he moved to follow the others out of the room. I knew he was just being polite and that they wouldn’t want me in there. Ma and I exchanged a look, hers clearly encouraging me to join them, but I wasn’t feeling it.
“No, it’s fine. You guys catch up, and I’ll see you later. I can’t be dealing with any more male hormones tonight, and besides,someoneshould help Ma with the dishes.”
As shrewd as ever, Ma saw straight through that offer. “That’s alright Harper. Go with the boys if you prefer. I’m just going to stick everything in the dishwasher,” she explained over the plates she had piled up.
“Yeah, come on, little sis, we could double up and kick Hudson’s ass on Mortal Kombat.”
“No, honestly, you know I’m useless at that game. You go.”
“Hey, dickhead. Are you coming or what?” Hudson’s voice sounded from the other room.
“Language,” Ma echoed.
Micah glanced back and forth between Ma and me with a guilty look.
“Go on, scoot,” I barked with a flick of my head.
“OK. Well, I’ll see you later. I’ve got news about the Junior Physics Challenge. The deadline is November.”
I rolled my eyes, “Fine.” Micha had been badgering me to enter that stupid competition all summer. My ‘couldn’t be bothered with that shit’ vibe had clearly gotten lost in translation. Maybe I was losing my touch?
Ma and I watched as Micah left the room. “You could have gone and hung out with them, you know, Harper?”
“I know, but they’re so loud when they're all together. Plus, they clearly need some boy time.”
“They have all week for that. I hate seeing you alienate yourself. They’re your brothers.”
Err, not all of them! I wanted to shout. I certainly didn’t want to see Nix with that label, considering he had only just had his hands down my panties. I couldn’t look Ma in the eye after that.
Turning away, I nervously started to collect the condiments, the jars rattling together, “Anyways, these dishes won’t wash themselves.” And that was the last word she said on the matter, thank God.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend time with them; I didn’t want to be in the same room as Phoenix and feel invisible again.
The brother he hadn’t seen for weeks just came home, so stop being a bitch and deal with it.I needed to add paranoid to my list of faults. I ignored that internal scream for common sense.
I felt a mixture of disappointment and envy. That feeling of being seen had faded, and I was once again an outsider.
It’s your fault, you bring it on yourself!
Ma was chatty in the kitchen; we spoke mostly about school and football. She explained that was the reason Micah had come home early, to see the boys' play at the weekend.
When I walked past the den on the way to my room around twenty minutes later, all I could hear was laughing and joking and the boys tearing strips off each other. They were clearly gaming as I heard them shouting abuse at the screen, somethingabout Micah driving like a bitch. Flipping them off through the closed door, I slid my phone out and checked my messages.
Cash Ryan had messaged me a couple of times, and there was one from Molly, asking how the road trip with Nix went. I’d text her when I’d been sitting in Phoenix’s mother's house, attempting to take my mind off the need to steal something. Which clearly hadn’t worked.
I thumbed off a reply.I’m not sure. Nix was quiet in the car on the way back, and Micah is home, so we didn’t get to talk properly.
Molly’s reply bounced back quickly. And of course it would, as she wasn’t with her boyfriend, so she had time on her hands. If you tried to contact Mols when she and Hudson were together, you rarely got a response.Hudson said Micah was home for the game.Did Phoenix get to meet his half-brother?
