Lottie
Lottie leaned against the half wall of the open window that looked out onto the Kemp’s property, a piece of taffy in her mouth that was nearly as hard as some of the rocks on the ground.She chewed on it carefully, enjoying the strawberry flavor despite the texture being less than ideal.She had brought the last of the gift Nate had given her a month ago as a way to feel closer to him, probably the same reason why she was at the Kemp farm to begin with.
It was nice of the older couple who owned it to grant her entry onto their land and up to the loft where everything had changed between her and Nate.She wasn’t sure exactly what she was doing there, only that she felt compelled to come.Maybe she was hoping that her presence there would help ease the pain of his walking out on her or maybe she could never stop putting herself in places he might show up, but either way, Lottie had come and now she felt no closer to resolving her mixed up feelings than she had that morning.
The trip to Brookdale earlier had been a bright spot in an otherwise depressing day.Lottie didn’t speak much about what had happened between her and Nate while she and Willa had gone shopping, only telling her friend not to take it out on the man.She had kept a fairly sizable secret from him after all, and whether his negative reaction was warranted or not, Lottie would give him the space he’d said he needed and Willa could stay out of it.Willa scoffed and made no promises, but Lottie knew that over the last eighteen months that she’d worked for Nate, Willa had come to think of him as a friend.Add to that his status as her brother-in-law and Willa would have a tough time staying mad at him.
After eschewing the topic of her disastrous love life, Lottie was able to get Willa to concentrate on all things baby.She and Beckett wanted to be surprised about the sex of their child, so the two women stuck to gender neutral colors while shopping for all the essentials and some bonus buys like a taco Tuesday themed teething toys and a night light that also played lullabies via Bluetooth.Lottie may have gone a bit overboard in spoiling the little peanut, but the retail therapy had helped ease the ache in her heart, even if it had only lasted until the moment she stepped back through her front door.
Unable to relive the last moments she’d spent there with Nate, Lottie hightailed it over to the bakery on the suggestion of her neighbor.After that, things became hazy with her traveling from one spot to another, looking for anything to distract her from her feelings of sadness and guilt.Finally, she ended up at Branch and Brew.Lottie hadn’t had much time to miss bartending since she’d been so caught up with Nate, but now that that might be ending, she wondered if she should ask Felix for her old job back.
The thought was easily dismissed the moment she stepped into the bar because memories of the night before flooded her mind and all she could think about was how impossible it would be to work there and risk running into Nate.If things between them were well and truly over, Lottie was either going to have to move or become a total recluse, only ever leaving her house for ten minutes a day to get just enough sunlight to keep from going completely insane.She would have to give up the newsletter, but it would be worth it to never have to run into Nate, see him look at her with the mix of disbelief and betrayal like he had last night.
Sniffling, Lottie brushed some of her increasingly greasy hair out of her face.She really should have showered sometime before coming to the Kemp farm, but she just couldn’t be bothered.Nothing seemed to matter at the moment except feeling a little closer to Nate.Lottie knew she shouldn’t really be there, that he could show up at his parent’s house at any moment to get the space he’d asked for, but she didn’t care.If he was going to leave her for good, she wanted to feel one last bit of closeness to the man before the two of them faded out from each other’s lives forever.
The thought of never seeing Nate again brought fresh tears to her eyes.Lottie wiped at her face with the sleeve of her sweatshirt, her chest feeling like it was collapsing under the weight of the misery she’d started to feel.This place that had meant so much to her wasn’t working, and she needed to get out of there before she broke down sobbing all over again.After one last glimpse of the orchard, Lottie inhaled shakily and turned, nearly tripping over her own feet when she spotted Nate standing at the top of the stairs.
“Nathan,” she whispered.
Lottie let her eyes wander over him, memorizing as much as she could while she had the opportunity.His hair was dripping, leaving spots on the shoulders of the already visibly damp t-shirt that clung to his muscled frame.Needing to look elsewhere, her eyes traveled north to his face, the dark circles under his eyes and heavy lidded gaze indications that he’d likely slept as well as she did.Lottie felt no victory in knowing that, only worry.
Feeling like she had no right to voice her opinion, Lottie instead asked what was most on her mind.“What happened to you?”
Nate huffed a breath before he pushed his wet hair out of his face.“I’ve gone on a bike ride.”After wiping his hands on his sweats, he looked over to her with a weak smile on his face.“I was actually looking for you.”
“You were?”Lottie felt hope bloom in her chest but she tried to squash it.For all she knew he was looking to make their break permanent and felt the need to tell her face-to-face.Wiping another tear from her face, she turned back to face the window.“What for?”
The awareness Lottie held when it came to Nate was so intense that she felt the presence of his body before it was anywhere near her.When he was close enough to touch, he reached out and brushed his fingers against hers.“You never got your interview.”Lottie’s head whipped toward him, her brow furrowing in confusion.Nate’s smile grew fractionally as he brushed his thumb along the apple of her cheek.“I promised you an interview in exchange for your help, and you haven’t gotten it yet.”
Lottie released a quick breath.“Doesn’t seem important anymore.”What was the point if she would just cry all over her laptop when she tried to type it up?
Nate slipped his fingers through hers and tugged her toward a wooden chest that sat near the window.“I promise you, this one is important.”He held her hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of it.Unable to stop herself, Lottie felt her body leaning toward his.Nate had always been larger than life and she’d never been able to escape the gravity he possessed, only orbiting from a distance when he forced her to stay away.“Ask me anything you want, and I’ll answer it honestly.”
Lottie looked up at him, his blue eyes clear and trustworthy.“Anything?”Nate nodded, and while Lottie had interview questions for him saved in her phone from the moment she’d started her newsletter, nothing about his professional career or his hopes for the town interested her in that moment.“Can you ever forgive me?For the money, or not telling you about it?”
As she watched Nate close his eyes and sigh, Lottie felt her heart sink.When he aimed his gaze back at her, she saw a mix of love and guilt in his eyes.“I forgive you, Charlotte, but I don’t think you really need it.It’s your money to do with what you will, and no one ever told me the whole town donated to my project, it was an assumption on my part.”He smiled sadly at her.“You may not know this, but sometimes I can get a bit cocky and think that my ideas are so great that there’s no possible way everyone else isn’t on board with them.”
Lottie felt a bit of laughter bubble up in her throat, but it wouldn’t come out, not yet.“I hate seeing people struggle like I did.I may not have been poor, but I lacked a lot of what I needed and if I can make it so someone else doesn’t have to feel a void in their life, I will.”She sighed slightly and admitted a truth she’d been avoiding for too long.“I still could have told you.”
Nate’s head see-sawed.“You could have, but I can’t honestly say my reaction would have been any different if you had.”He grabbed her other hand and held it in his.“Want to ask me why?”
Lottie felt her cheek pull up in a slight smile for the first time since he’d left her.She was supposed to be interviewing him, but she didn’t mind following his lead this time.“Why?”
Nate threaded their fingers together.“You said you did it because you love me, right?”Lottie nodded emphatically.She still loved him despite all the ups and downs they’d been through, knowing that it had only made them stronger because through all of that, they’d come to better know and understand one another.“Well, for a long time I thought that I pushed you away because I loved you so much that nothing else mattered, that I needed to accomplish my goals before I could really allow myself to be with someone I cared about that much, but I was wrong.”
Lottie scooted closer to him.Their knees touched and with every additional point of contact she had with Nate, she felt more and more relaxed.“How were you wrong?”
Nate smiled.“I wasn’t afraid of how much I love you, but of how much you love me.”Lottie tilted her head, wondering how something like that could scare anyone.She’d been wanting that kind of love and attention her whole life, sought it out to her emotional peril, especially when it came to Nate, so she just couldn’t grasp the concept of pushing it away.Nate’s eyes never left hers as he stared at her.“No one but my family has ever loved me that much, and I knew that if and when I disappointed them, they would still be there for me.With you...”He inhaled deeply as if gathering the strength to go on.“With you, you loved me so much, believed in me so much that I couldn’t risk losing that when I inevitably disappointed you.So instead of waiting for that day to come, I made it happen myself.I pushed you away for the longest time because I thought I knew better, and when I found out about the money I did it again.I was barely getting used to the idea of you being in love with my stupid ass and then I found out about the money.That’s so much money, Charlotte.I had the plans, but you were the one who backed them and it boggles my mind that you have that much faith in me.”
Lottie shrugged.“I’ve always believed in you, Nathan.”Even when they fought over things in high school, she knew they would come to a compromise because she believed they would.
Nate grasped the back of her neck and rested their foreheads together.“I know you have, and I’m sorry that I broke my vow to do right by you, that I took the incredible amount of faith you placed in me and squandered it.I should have been cherishing it, celebrating it, and I promise from here on out I will do my best to do exactly that if you can find it in your heart to forgive me again.I know it’s asking a lot, more than a lot, but I promise you won’t regret it.”
Lottie’s watery chuckle filled the space between them.“I forgive you.”She brushed her lips against his in a feather light kiss.“I’ll always forgive you, just please don’t leave again.I can take a lot, but not you leaving.”
“Never again,” he vowed.“I might need some time to adjust to the fact that such an amazing woman loves me as much as you do, but I won’t leave, and I won’t push you away.You’ve been kind enough to give me your heart, Charlotte.I won’t break it again.”
Lottie nodded her head against his, leaning into his palm as he continued to hold her head as gently as he’d just promised to hold her heart.“I believe you.”
