“It was…”
The door to the elevator slid open, cutting off whatever Indi had been about to say, and we were escorted to the parking lot by Petrov guards. My father was texting my ma to let her know that the compound had to stay on lockdown a bit longer. As I helped Indigo into her helmet, she leaned in to whisper, “It was a googly eye.” I bit the inside of my cheek, desperately trying not to smile because she looked so serious and intent. “I’m leaving little pieces of me around their space, kinda like scent marking. I think it’ll help them get used to me and maybe help the place feel a little less…foreign to me.”
I nodded stoically, trying not to crack a smile at her logic. “That makes sense.” My approval seemed to remove a bit of tension in her shoulders, like she thought I’d make fun of her for trying to make sense of her situation and cope with her life in this way.
“You don’t think it’s stupid?”
I straddled my bike, holding it steady so Indi could get settled behind me. I reached back and grabbed her thigh, giving her a tug so she was pressed in closely to my back. “Not stupid at all, angel. Lots of animals scent mark, and at the end of the day, we’re all just animals.” Her arms squeezed me tightly around the middle as she molded herself against my back, her cheek pressed between my shoulders. My hand continued to massage her thigh, and I reveled in the feel of her hot little body pressed against mine. “In fact, angel, I think I can help you in that department,” I said with a wicked smile. “Remind me the next time we visit, and I’ll help you scent mark the bathroom in the board room.”
“Aw, thanks, Growly Gus. You’re so thoughtful!”
I grinned, loving the sound of Indigo’s voice when she was happy. That, and the idea of a pissed-off Riordan when he realized exactly how I planned to mark his space.That was fuckin’ delightful, too.
Chapter 33
Indigo
Even though the Iron Raider threat had been eliminated, life at the LCMC compound hadn’t quite gone back to business as usual in the weeks that followed. The compound remained locked down. Lennon and I could leave only if we had an armed escort despite the fact that Sheila was packin’ heat and ready to party. My best bitch, ride-or-die for life, Sheila, housed more than just the weapons Bones had placed in the cache hidden beneath her floorboard. The baseball bat I’d used to smash that jerk’s headlight when he’d tried to ruin date night was stashed under Sheila’s driver’s seat. I’d tucked small blades into the bands on each of her sun visors, a taser was in her center console, and I had a can of pepper spray in her glove compartment tucked between my brass knuckles and a bike chain. But I’m a team player, so I pretended to begrateful for the Crows who escorted me to Crow’s Landing for my shifts and back home again when I was finished working.
In the time that had passed since we’d met with Mikhail at The Goldfinch, there hadn’t been any sightings of Roark. Duke had learned during the conflict with the Iron Raiders that Rook was good with technology, so he had him working with Ivan and Clover to contact Nicodemus when he wasn’t searching for Roark. I wasn’t sure if they wanted to recruit Nicodemus, expose them, or fan-girl over them, but I hoped they were successful. They were working so hard, but I just wanted everyone to have fun. Even if my friends never solved the Nicodemus riddle, they were all winners in my book. Maybe Lennon and I could get Rook, Ivan, and Clover participation trophies, so they knew we appreciated them.
Ratched had taken Bones in to have his arm x-rayed again yesterday, and he was officially free from his soft wrap and sling. As long as he managed not to fracture it again and kept up with the physical therapy exercises Ratched insisted he do, he’d be good as new. Bones and I had spent some quality time at Rusty’s while he buffed the scratch out of Sheila’s rear bumper and checked her tire pressure and oil levels a few days ago. Something had happened between us the night we’d been taken from the compound by Pyro and his Band of Bastards. We’d formed a deeper bond in Satan’s Dairy Queen, and it was good to catch up with him away from the compound for a bit. I’d been missing him and hadn’t even known it. I guess we’d both been preoccupied, but I resolved to check in with him more often.
Lennon and I were sparring in the gym one morning, while Cricket lay on a weight bench and scrolled mindlessly through his phone. Knuckles wrapped tightly and feet dancing over the mat, Lennon and I bobbed and weaved, dodging blows and striking out with our legs as we kickboxed.
“Hands up, protect your face,” I reminded as I snapped my fist toward Lennon’s nose. She raised her arms but twisted her torso, dodging my blow and sending an uppercut of her own into my gut. I grabbed her shoulder and slammed my knee into her stomach before we both fell to the mat in a grapple.
We tossed and turned a bit until I had Lennon pinned. She tapped out with a grunt. “One of these days, I’m going to put you on your ass, Indi,” she huffed as we took a water break.
“I don’t doubt it for a second,” I told her. Her very first kidnapping attempt had shaken Lennon a bit, not that I blamed her at all. Lennon was focusing on her fear at that moment, but from my perspective, I was just proud of her for fighting back like a freaking badass. She’d remembered what she’d learned, even if she hadn’t been able to incapacitate her attacker by herself. That was a victory in itself. Lennon had been training like she had something to prove. But only to herself, never to me. I loved her just as she was.
“You’ve done well, you know,” I say after sipping from my water bottle. “You’ve been training consistently, and it shows. I’m proud of you.”
Lennon took a swig from her own bottle. “Thanks, hun, but…never mind.”
I quirked my head to the side. “No, what is it? You know I have your back no matter what. It’s girl code. You could literally blow a snot-bubble right now, and I wouldn’t bat an eye.”
Lennon huffed out a laugh when Cricket chimed in, “I would. Have some decorum.” My rascally conscience! Such an eavesdropper.
“I want to learn to defend myself, especially after what happened. I don’t ever want to feel that helpless and out of control again,” Lennon said. “But…” She licked her lips and tucked a dark curl that had escaped her bun behind her ear. “The idea of being in another fight like that scares the shit out of me. I thought I’d enjoy putting someculoin his place, divine feminine rage fueling me and righteous fury leading me to victory.” Big, soulful brown eyes met mine. “But it wasn’tlike that.” My fingers crept across the mat toward Lennon’s, intertwining with hers and offering solace born from the absolute understanding of shared experience. “I didn’t feel powerful and mighty. I felt scared. I was so scared and then soashamed. I kept thinking about Ellis, and how—”
Lennon swallowed reflexively and clenched her jaw as her eyes skipped around the room. Finally, they met mine, and what they saw there caused her shoulders, which had been creeping up to her ears, to relax ever so slightly.
“I know,” I said. “There’s a difference between meting out lady vengeance in your head, where you control the variables and therefore the outcome in the scenario. It’s completely different when you’re living it in full-blown technicolor.”
Lennon nodded, and her fingers squeezed mine. “I want to learn to defend myself, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get to the point where I relish the fight. And somehow, that makes me feel like I’m failing.”
“Failing at what?” I asked softly. “You did exactly what you had to do. You survived.”
Lennon shook her head but didn’t speak for a few tense moments. “How did you do it?” she asked, turning her big, tear-filled eyes my way.
“Do what?”
Lennon weighed her words, thinking before she spoke. “I don’t know everything you’ve survived, but I know enough to realize that it was pretty damn traumatic. If I were you, I’d do everything I could to avoid triggers—conflict, fights, violence. After what you said about The Consortium, how did you ever manage to fight in the ring that night at Savage Delights? If it were me, I’d never want to be put in a ring ever again. I was attackedone time,and it shook me. I wasn’t even really hurt. If I freak out this badly, then it must mean I’m just too weak.”
I sighed. “If a woman enjoys sex after surviving a rape, does that make her a bad rape victim?”
Lennon’s jaw dropped. “What? No, how do you even—”
