I tried to ignore Bones as Indigo and I ate our dinner. The clubhouse was quiet tonight. Ace had left as soon as he could, not being a huge fan of socializing. Prospect had wandered off at some point, and with just Indigo to act as a buffer, it was more of a challenge to ignore Bones, especially when I could feel his gaze boring into the side of my head. I refused to acknowledge him because if I did, I knew I’d lose my temper and he’d go frosty on me. Bones was the king of icing me out, and his ability to tuck his feelings for me away like he didn’t care or even notice when I was around…it slayed me. I died a little more every time he acted onhis feelings, only to push me away immediately after. If he could do that, seeing what it did to me, then he couldn’t possibly care for me as much as I cared for him. If you love someone, you don’t hurt them on purpose, right?
I made an excuse to my best friend, feeling guilty for exaggerating the schoolwork I needed to get done so I could have some alone time to rage into the void. I heard Bones stomp out of the clubhouse as I climbed the stairs. I slammed my door and threw my bag down near my bed. My shoes were kicked off aggressively, and I flounced down onto my mattress, alone and free to be as dramatic as I wanted. I threw my right arm over my eyes and heaved a sigh of angst and frustration.
Santiago drove me mad. Hot one minute, cold the next. He didn’t want to date me, but he didn’t want anyone else to date me either. He acted possessive of me around Ivan, but he ignored me and flirted with a club girl last night. Bones kept me unsteady, never sure if he wanted me or if he even liked me at all. Last, but not least, it irritated me to no end that the jackass took up so much of my mind! I should make him pay rent for the prime real estate he owned in my brain, and wasn’t that just freaking pathetic? I wasn’t some sixteen-year-old with a crush. I was a grown-ass woman living my mostly-best life and working to ensure my dreams (and Ellis’s) came true. I mentally kicked myself for obsessing so much over Santi. Maybe those words he’d cut at me that night years ago were true. Maybe I was just a horny girl who couldn’t take a hint.
I couldn’t do anything to resolve the tension between us right now, but I could do something about the ache between my thighs that inevitably occurred when I thought about Santiago for too long. I kept my right arm slung over my closed eyes, the darkness helping me imagine the night Bones and I made out at Reid’s party. The fingers of my left hand trailed gently over my torso, almost the ghost of a feeling, a pale imitation of the way his hands had felt on me that night. My nipples tightened almost painfully, and I squeezed the left one and let loose a low moan. Trailing my hand back down my body and under the band of my shorts, I rubbed myself in circles and thought of how Santiago kissed me hungrily or the little rumble he made in his chest that night when he grabbed my ass. It only took moments before I was soaking wet and ready for something from the goody drawer in my nightstand. Moving myarm to uncover my eyes, I shimmied my shorts off. It wasn’t until I had my favorite toy in hand and already buzzing that I noticed the figure standing in my bathroom doorway. I froze in shock, my brain short-circuiting at the sight of Santiago standing there, leaning against the doorway with fire burning in his gaze.
“Don’t stop on my account, gatita,” he said huskily. “I think I prefer you like this. Claws retracted and practically purring while you pleasure yourself. Much better than the bratty way you behaved earlier.” My eyes flared in anger at the injustice of being called a brat! He was the one who was being childish, constantly pulling and pushing me away.
“I was just thinking about David,” I said with a bitchy smile. He’d already caught me in the act. I might as well own it and make him regret sneaking into my room. You can’t control the cards you’re dealt, but you can control how you play them. Right now, I wanted to frustrate him as much as he frustrated me. Instead of snapping back, Santi gave me a tiny smirk, like he knew I was lying.
“We both know it wasn’t David you were thinking of, gatita.” He crossed his arms where he stood, self-assured and smug with it. “You can lie to me right now with eyes wide open, but we both know that only a few moments ago, when you fantasized, you moaned my name while you fingered your wet little pussy. Tell the truth. Tell me those sounds you made were for me.”
I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry, unlike my unruly pussy. Downstairs Lennon was team Tell the Truth. Upstairs Lennon, however, was firmly team Make the Prick Pay. But I was a modern girl, and I refused to choose. I could have it all. “Yes,” I admitted with a whimper. “I was thinking of you.” I slid my toy between my thighs, eyes trained on Santi as I sighed in relief when it entered me. “I always do.”
Santiago swore under his breath and took two steps toward my bed before he caught himself. He jerked to a stop, eyes dark and smoldering. I moaned and writhed, waves of pleasure running through me every place his eyes lingered, eventually pooling at the apex of my thighs. Santi bit his fist in frustration, not even attempting to hide his erection. I felt validated at that moment. He wanted me too, I knew it, no matter how much he said he didn’t. Well, at least a part of him did.
“Pinch your nipple for me, gatita,” he murmured huskily. I huffed a bit, annoyed that he felt the need to boss me around, even now. I mean, I did what he said, my fingers kneading my breast and pinching the tight bud. But it wasn’t because he told me to. It was becauseIwantedto. My breaths came faster and faster as my toy began to hit the spot I liked, until I was panting and Santi looked like he was experiencing the most exquisite form of torture. Our eyes locked, and the pressure that had been steadily building finally pushed me over the edge, and I fell. Hard. Santiago swore again as I came, the desire in his voice palpable, but he never once moved to touch me.
“Now get out,” I panted, turning my toy off and dropping it on the bed beside me.
“Lennon—”
I interrupted in a cold tone. “No. You were right. I do think of you when I need to get off. Well, I’m done now. You’re no longer required.” I’d be damned if I let this man jerk me around anymore.
“I did you a favor with that cabrón, Lennon!” he snarled in frustration. “He’s a fucking coward. You deserve better than someone who could be scared away with one simple threat.”
“Oh, I deserve better?” I snarked. “Who would you deem worthy? Because every time I try to get into a relationship, something mysteriously happens almost overnight, and then the guy won’t have anything to do with me. What about the hottie from the rodeo, the one who hit on me but refused to talk to me after coming to the clubhouse? Or the guys I danced with at Reid’s party? Or hell, even my date to the prom!”
“That last one wasn’t me, actually,” he said with a strained chuckle. “That was all your dad. I could tell that little shit never had a chance to keep up with a woman like you, anyway.”
“Don’t change the subject,” I snapped. “Just because you don’t want me, doesn’t mean no one else will.”
“You don’t understand,” he gritted out. “You don’t know what you’re talking about right now. Lennon, you deserve someone so much better for your first time.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s assuming I’m still a virgin.”
Physically speaking, I had beaten everyone else to the punch a few years earlier with a silicone sex toy I’d ordered online. I’d never slept with a man, but I wasn’t quite as virginal as I had been two years ago, either. Santi didn’t need to know that, though. My body count, or lack thereof, was no one’s business but mine. Bones’s expression was stormy as he glared at me. I raised an eyebrow.
“What? I’ve seen you hook up with the girls downstairs, and you thought I wasn’t having my own fun? You’re a fucking hypocrite.” When he didn’t even try to apologize or explain his reaction, I huffed out an irritated sigh and pulled my shorts back up.
I ignored Santi as I got under the covers and rolled away from where he stood by the door. I closed my eyes, but it didn’t prevent a tear or two from squeezing through and trailing down my cheek. I heard Bones speak from the door, my Santiago having been shoved down and silenced by his colder side. I could tell by his voice that I wouldn’t like what he had to say.
“You deserve better than some jack-off like David, but you also deserve better than I could give you. This life is dangerous, gatita, and I will not allow you to put yourself in the middle of it. You need to finish school and go live your dream. Your dad and the Crows will help you with seed money for your business. Nothing is stopping you from chasing your dreams and living a safe, normal life.” His voice pleaded for understanding, but that was the one thing he’d never get from me on this subject. If anyone got to decide what I deserved, it was me.
A cold chill gripped me, and I clenched my blanket around my shoulders as I bit out in a hard voice, “Stop telling me what I deserve, and give me what I need.” I lifted my head and looked over my shoulder where Bones stood facing the door, knob in hand. “Until then, get the fuck out of my life.” Bones’s shoulders tensed, and he yanked the door open, slamming it behind him. I heard him leave the clubhouse, and that was when I finally stopped trying to hold back my tears.
It wasn’t until a few hours later that the electricity on the compound shut off. Then I learned I had a brand-new reason to cry over Santiago Rodríguez. He was missing.
Bones
Mygatitacould have died today. The very idea made my muscles tense, my body at war with the thought of Lennon in harm’s way. I’d followed her and Sticks back to the clubhouse, unable to resist her siren call today. I’d tried ignoring her, pushing her away, pretending to be interested in other women…none of it worked, and today, I didn’t have the energy or fortitude to deny myself. I had to make sure she was alright. I knew what it was to take a life, even in self-defense, and I knew that no matter how strong my girl was, she was suffering right now.
Her father took her up to her room and stomped back down a few moments later. I waited until Sticks was in a huddle with Bear and a tired-looking Ratched, conversing tersely about the Iron Raiders, to stalk out of the room and upstairs to the bedrooms. Lennon had left her door unlocked as if she knew I’d come, and I slipped into her room to find her sitting cross-legged on her bed and chewing on her thumbnail. Lennon took great care in her appearance, so chewing on her manicure meant she was dealing with more stress than she knew how to handle.
Instead of greeting me with a coy smile or riling me up just to get a reaction, my girl raised tired, red-rimmed eyes to meet mine and sighed. “Why are you here?” she asked as if I’d be anywhere else.
“I needed to make sure you were okay,” I murmured, running my eyes over her exposed skin to check for any scratches or bruises I might have missed when she arrived back in Los Cuervos land.
