“Pyro chose to sell out his sworn brothers. He chose to murder a Crow and sell out another. That’s on him. And he’ll pay for it in blood. None of that is on you, angel.” Priest propped his ass on the rock, crossing his ankles as I watched him out of the corner of my eye. “Plus, there’s no way of knowing that Roark wouldn’t have found you on his own. At least when you’re home with the Crows, you’ve got some protection, and you aren’t alone.”
“Is this my home?” I asked, turning my eyes to meet his again. “I thought you hated me. Blamed me for stealing your revenge against Hoodie Guy, thought I was too dangerous to keep around.” I snuffled, wiping my runny nose on the back of my hand indignantly. “Well, you were right. This can’t be my home. It’s too good for me. I’ll never belong here, and I’ll be a risk so long as Uncle Roark still breathes.”
Priest pushed off Ellis’s spot and paced in front of me. “That’s bullshit,” he spat. “Not… not what you said about me,” he admitted with a wince. “I was an asshole, and I was wrong. I’m sorry I couldn’t see it then, that I was too busy staring into the void of guilt and grief inside me to see that you were just a girl who fate put in our way so she could finally catch a fucking break. You’ve never had anyone to protect you, or look after you, or care for you, but you do now. You have the Crows. And we aren’t going to let you face this motherfucker on your own.”
“But Uncle—”
“And that. That has to stop.”
“What?” I asked, confused, swiping my wrist under my nose again.
“He’s not your motherfucking uncle, Indigo. Stop calling him that. Call him ‘that shithead’ or ‘that sadistic asshole’ or something groundedin reality. But he isn’t your family—never was and never will be. Real family doesn’t do that shit to one another.”
My eyes hardened, and I felt a faint gratitude to feel irritation and anger well up inside me when Priest had the balls to mansplain my own abuser to me instead of the guilt and despair I’d been feeling a moment ago. “I know exactly what he is. I don’t call him that out of affection. It wasliterallybeaten into me.”
“You aren’t that trapped kid anymore, and you aren’tanyone’svictim. Stop letting him have that power over you. If he still controls how you think of him and how you refer to him, how much else does he control? Listen to me, Indi—"
Priest leaned into me where I was sitting on the boulder, placing his hands on either side of me and lowering his face until his eyes blotted out the stars and held me captive in their gaze. “FuckRoark Callahan or any other person who doesn’t see how strong you truly are.”
I licked my lips, my heart galloping in my chest, straining to get somewhere that existed outside my chest cavity. “Even you?” I asked, thinking of the hateful stares shot my way, the insults when I’d worn Ellis’s old clothes, thezap!of the taser when I was strapped to the chair in the confessional.
“Especially me,” Priest whispered, his eyes falling closed. “Indi…I know how you feel.”
I scoffed. “You couldn’t possibly—"
“I’m the reason Ellis is dead,” Priest stated, his tone flat and mouth pinched with emotion. “Slyzec may have strangled her, but I’m the one who killed her.”
Chapter 9
Priest
Indigo quirked her head to the side, like a bird in one of those nature documentaries she and Ratched watched sometimes. “Explain,” she demanded. Her seafoam-green eyes called to mine, and I was unable to look away as I bore my deepest shame to the one person on the compound who might be able to comprehend how I felt. How I’d felt every day of the past two years. Taking a seat next to Indigo, I took a steadying breath and began.
“The night Ellis was taken, she had gate-crashed a party with Lennon. A friend of mine from high school passed the bar exam, so friends from law school and locals showed up to celebrate. I was there with the guys, and I just wanted a night tobe. To have a good time without having to be responsible for anything. Not the club, and most certainly not my little sister. When Ellis showed up, I kicked her out. No…” I barked a sardonic laugh that made Indi jump a little.
“I didn’t just kick her out. I humiliated her first. Then, for good measure, I broke her heart. Made her think no one wanted her around, that she was a burden. Just because I was selfish and didn’t want my kid sister there when I partied.” Indigo nodded, the glassy pools of her eyes reflecting tiny points of light from the night sky behind me. “She left, but she didn’t go home like I thought she would.” I swallowed and closed my eyes. Shame beat in my temples, and my stomach tightened. “She stopped in an empty shopping center, probably to cry. Slyzec bashed her driver’s side window in, cut her seat belt, and pulled her through. From what we learned later, Slyzec liked to take women from parking lots. A lot of his victims went missing in parking garages, campus lots, and shopping centers.”
“If I had let her stay at that party, she’d be alive and well today.” I hung my head, feeling simultaneously relieved to finally admit my guilt aloud and ashamed of what a horrible brother I had been. Indigo stood and stepped between my knees. Gentle hands tentatively touched my face, cool thumbs sliding over my cheekbones as fingers tipped my head up. My eyes flashed open and were immediately met with hers. Instead of disgust, revulsion, or God forbid—pity—mossy pools of serene green gazed into my own eyes of blue.
“I don’t know you as well as the Crows, Growly Gus, but I’ve learned a lot since Sheila and I came to stay here. You’re kind of a dick sometimes,” she stated baldly, causing me to tense. Her hands gripped my face more firmly, refusing to let me pull away. “Truth hurts, remember?” Indigo smiled softly, tempering her harsh words. “You’re also protective. And loyal. And passionate. You’re not perfect, but no one really is. I can say with confidence that Ellis was very loved by her family. You regret your words. I get that. Words… they are tricky bastards sometimes.”
Indigo nodded as if agreeing with herself. “You know what you said was wrong and fucked up. But you also spent your free time teaching Ellis and Lennon how to maintain their cars, you hung a tire swing in your backyard so your sister had a place to play, and made her nightmare hangover cures. In her lifetime, you showed her how much she meant to you, how much you loved her. If evil pricks like Slyzec never existed, you would have come to your senses and apologized to your sister,shown her you regretted your words, and made it right. He stole that. Hoodie Guy killed Ellis, not you. Don’t let one mistake define you.”
I felt like I could fall into the eyes of the girl in front of me. I never thought I’d be able to share what happened the night Ellis was taken with anyone because who here could have possibly understood? They’d have hated me if I told them what I said, and I knew that because I hated myself for it. But this girl, she listened to every shameful word of my story and didn’t turn away. The best part of it was that she didn’t try to absolve me or minimize what happened.
Indigo told me I was a dick sometimes and that what I’d said was fucked up, which was true. She didn’t try to console me and tell me that it hadn’t been that bad. She just… accepted that I was a flawed work in progress struggling to do better, even if I failed sometimes. That acceptance healed something within me. Indigo’s hands still cradled my face. With aching sweetness, she lowered her lips to mine. Her kiss was chaste; soft lips brushing against mine and gone again with a featherlight caress. Wordlessly, she returned to her place by my side on the rock, one small hand finding its way into mine.
My gut lurched again, a feeling I’d experienced more than once since I’d met the beautifully damaged woman next to me. Initially, I thought the feeling was my intuition warning me that Indigo was dangerous and would be a threat to the Crows. I lied to myself and said that I watched her because she was my enemy and not because my eyes were hungry for a glimpse of her. My smug sonofabitch father called it weeks ago. The scarred and crazy girl who flew into my life with her serial killer van gave me feelings in my fuckin’ tummy. Not because I hated her, but because I was falling for her.
Goddammit, I hated it when my old man was right.
Indigo
I spent the night with Sheila again, warm and snuggly in my blanket nest. Priest settled into his chair near Sheila’s door, never complaining as I lulled myself to sleep while singing “Wannabe.” I even thought I heard him humming along once or twice. The next day, the Utah Crows left, and I felt comfortable enough to move back into the clubhouse. A chocolate éclair waited for me at my door in the little white bag I’d come to look forward to every day. I chose not to look too closely at who could be the person leaving me treats, believing that the mystery made the desserts taste sweeter. Really, I was afraid to look too closely at the thoughtful gesture. Worried that the giver might be showing me how he felt with his actions instead of his words, and what that would mean for me and the life I’d started to build here.
The Crows spent most of the day in church, most likely planning retaliation against the Iron Raiders and Pyro for the attack on the compound. Prospect, who wasn’t an official Crow yet, kept me company. He was a sweet guy, playing game after game of my elevated version of Go Fish with me at the bar without complaint. We both sat at the bar with our piles of “currency” to bet with, which Prospect told me were called “stacks.” He shuffled the cards and dealt our next hand. “Two in the pot to start, Indi.”
I shifted through my stack. I had two Blow Pops, four cigarettes, a handful of coins I scavenged from the couch, two condom packets that I also found in the couch, and half a sleeve of Oreos in my pile of loot. I put $1.15 in change and a cigarette between Prospect and me and watched as he added a fun-sized Snickers and a coupon for a free drinkfrom Sonic to the pile. I raised an eyebrow and used my best intimidating card shark face as I asked, “You got any threes?”
