"Well, well, well, Tandy! My favorite realtor! The best realtor really. Tremendous realtor." The voice was unnaturally cheery, as if its owner was trying to sound more welcoming than he naturally was.
The figure leaned into the light, revealing a middle-aged man with an unnatural complexion the shade of a pumpkin spice latte that had been left in the sun too long---artificially autumnal and somewhat concerning. And the most unfortunate hair Tandy had ever seen---a thin blonde brush of fake hair that seemed to be glued to his shiny scalp. He wore a Hawaiian shirt thatstrained slightly over his pudgy midsection, the gaudy pattern doing nothing to distract from his unnatural complexion.
"Ronald," Tandy replied, trying to hide her distaste. "What an unexpected pleasure."
A flash of gaudy gold chain appeared around Ronald's neck as the vampire adjusted his Hawaiian shirt. "It's time, isn't it? I sent my best scout to scope out the town. He's the best really. Tremendous flying abilities."
"About that," Tandy hesitated. "There's been some... developments. A witch arrived in town last night---apparently, she escaped from your vampires?"
Ronald's expression darkened for a moment, his face shifting from the buffoonish grin to something cold and calculating. The transformation was subtle but chilling---like watching a mask slip to reveal something predatory underneath.
"Drat," he hissed, his orangish features contorting in pain, then, astonishingly fast, he recovered his calm. "I mean, great! She was supposed to get out. We planned that escape. She didn't get out on her own, you see. It was planned. Now she's there in advance. Besides, she's under mind control and won't say anything."
The rapid shift from irritation to forced cheerfulness was unsettling, but Tandy pressed on, "And I'm hearing rumors about a dead bat."
A furious expression warped Ronald's round face, his ridiculous appearance replaced by an intensity that threatened to shatter the mirror's reflection. "Frederick! That incompetent flying rat! I knew I shouldn't have trusted him with reconnaissance." He slammed a fist on his desk, knocking over a trophy that read "Runner-Up, Best Tan: Vampire Beach Week 2024."
Just as quickly, the rage disappeared, replaced by the grinning, bombastic persona. "But no matter! Frederick wasexpendable, just like everybody else in this operation. Including you, Tandy."
Across the mirror, their eyes met, and a sudden, chilling fear washed over Tandy. There was nothing comical about the look he gave her---it was the gaze of a predator assessing whether its next meal was worth the effort.
Tandy swallowed hard, but recovery quickly with a practiced real estate smile. "Well, I'm not so sure the mind control thing is fool proof, but there is good news. Nobody believes the witch. They think she's crazy. So, this will still work."
"Perfect, perfect," Ronald's mood shifted instantly, his fangs gleaming in a disturbing smile. "The blood moon apex is when we make our move." He leaned closer to the mirror. "You've secured the properties I requested?"
"Working on it," Tandy said smoothly, fighting to keep her voice steady. "I've identified all the prime locations for the resort. The falls access, downtown commercial spaces, everything. Once we... remove any obstacles, they'll be ready for vampire occupancy."
She struck a pose that she'd been practicing for weeks in her office mirror — what she privately called her "vampire real estate tycoon" stance. "I've already drafted brochures for 'Fangtasia Falls: Where Eternal Life Meets Eternal Leisure!' Just a marketing concept. We can workshop it."
"Excellent." Ronald's voice dropped to what he clearly thought was a seductive purr, but sounded more like a garbage disposal with something stuck in it. "Remember our deal, Tandy. You help me establish Fangtasia Falls Resort, and you'll have exclusive selling rights to vampire vacation homes for eternity. You see, I'm going to rename the town, too. Fangtasia Falls. Has the best ring to it. Doesn't it?"
"Yes. Yes, it does," Tandy nodded enthusiastically. "And I'll be the Minister of Real Estate in the new vampire order,right? With the corner office and the special name plaque we discussed? And underlings?"
"The best corner office," Ronald assured her vaguely. "Really tremendous office. People are saying it might be the best office in the history of vampire resorts."
The word "eternity" echoed in Tandy's mind, along with visions of commission checks with many zeros. A lifetime of selling real estate to wealthy, immortal clients. But more than that---access to the falls water for herself. The journal had hinted that regular exposure could permanently enhance magical abilities. Perhaps she could finally be the powerful witch she'd always wanted to be, respected rather than pitied.
"I won't let you down," she promised. "But we need to be careful. There's a detective here---Roam O'Reilly. If he starts taking the vampire rumors seriously..."
"That's your job to make sure he doesn't," Ronald interrupted, his auburn face filling the mirror. His tone suddenly hardened, all pretense of joviality vanishing. "You must clear the path, Tandy. The resort must happen. Do you know how embarrassing it was when my Florida vampire resort failed? No one came! Apparently, vampires don't actually want to be tan!"
His voice ended in a shriek, and Tandy noticed several cringing vampires in the mirror's reflection. One, a dour figure in Victorian clothes, rolled his eyes so far back they almost disappeared into his skull.
"Don't worry," Tandy assured him, adjusting one of her many gold bracelets---a gift from Ronald featuring tiny fang designs. "I have connections. And I know just how to keep the town distracted while we prepare."
She turned to her desk where she'd laid out detailed floor plans of potential vampire properties. "I've already identified the perfect location for the Blood Spa! And the Coffin Suites! Andthe Plasma Bar with extended happy hour from midnight to 4 AM!"
"Beautiful," Ronald nodded. "Because if you fail me..." His expression changed again, the clownish facade dropping away entirely. His eyes darkened, fangs emerged, and a raspy hiss, seeming to circumvent the mirror, whispered directly into Tandy's mind. "I don't tolerate failure, Tandy. The last agent who disappointed me became a midnight snack for my newest fledglings. They aren't very neat eaters."
The threat hung in the air for a moment before Ronald's face suddenly snapped back to its grinning, orange-tinted mask. "But that won't happen with you! You're the best, really tremendous. Nobody sells property like Tandy Keyes, am I right?" His attempt at a threatening growl was undermined by a coughing fit when some of his hair spray apparently went down the wrong way.
"I won't fail," Tandy said firmly as the mirror began to fade. "Cauldron Falls will be vampire territory by the end of the blood moon."
As the mirror returned to normal, Tandy's professional smile remained, but her eyes clouded with worry. She pulled out her phone and dialed.
"Marty? It's Tandy. Have you heard the rumors? Yes, the vampire ones. Listen, we need to talk. Meet me at my office right away."
Ending the call, she opened a drawer and pulled out business cards she'd secretly had printed: "Tandy Keyes, Vampire Real Estate Queen - Fangtasia Falls Division." The cards featured little coffin designs in the corners and blood-red lettering.
