I glance toward the clock behind the bar. The hands blur and shimmer before I can focus.
Two in the morning.
Huh.
“When did that happen?” I murmur aloud.
Will doesn’t answer. Just waits.
“’m fine,” I mutter, waving him off. “I can get home myself.”
But the words slur. My limbs feel disconnected from my brain. My heart’s still broken and beating at the same time, and somehow that feels like the worst part of all.
I stare at him.
This man who once made me feel like I was worth choosing.
Now he just looks at me like I’m something fragile he broke but doesn’t know how to hold. And I hate that it still makes me want to fall into him. Even now. Especially now.
Will reaches for my arm. “Phern, come on. Don’t do this.”
I pull back. Not harshly, just enough to make the message clear.
“I said I’m fine.” My voice is slurred but sharp, the kind of sharp that cuts the wrong person just because you’re bleeding too much to care.
He sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face. “You’re not.”
“Don’t pretend like you care now,” I snap. “Where was this version of you when I was drowning months ago?”
That hits him. Right in the gut. Good. Let him feel it. Let him carry just a fraction of what I’ve been holding alone.
“Phern, let me take you home.”
I laugh. It sounds wild and way too close to a sob. “What for? So you can walk me to the door and go back to whoever you’re kissing this week?”
He flinches. Again.
But still, he tries. “That’s not fair.”
“Neither was wanting you,” I whisper.
I push off the barstool and sway for a moment, catching myself on the counter. My legs are lead. My head swims. But I find my footing and I walk. I don’t look back.
“Phern—” Will’s voice breaks behind me.
But I just raise a hand. Not to wave. To end it.
“I’ve got me,” I say, not turning around. “That’s all I’ve ever had anyway.”
And then I stumble out into the night.
The air is cold and sharp and sobering in the worst way. The stars blur above me. My boots scuff the pavement as I walk, slow and uneven, toward a home that doesn’t feel like a safe place anymore.
Every step feels like a dare.
Every breath like punishment.
And still I keep going.
